[Rose79]

Hi! I recently found out that Im 7 weeks pregnant. I'm not ready emotionally or financially. The father was simply a sex partner, nothing more. I informed him that I was pregnant and that I would be terminating, he agreed with the decision. Now Im not so sure that I want to follow through. I was wondering about the online adopt agencies, are they trustworthy? Is there a better way to go? I may need financial support, is this even possible should I decide?

[cynthia900]

Rose,

I'm sorry that you feel lost. I can't help you decide between your options but I can help you understand some of the aspects of adoption that you asked about. If you decide on adoption, there are lots of options to find a family. There are agencies, either local or national, there are attorneys and there is independent adoption where you find the parents yourself (through your doctor, friends, or through advertising in the newspaper or on the internet.) They all have pros and cons (like most things in life!!) so you need to think a little about what the ideal scenario would be for you. Do you want open or closed adoption. Do you have specific criteria the family must meet or are you looking for a "match" based on fit?

The type and amount of financial support you need depends on what state you and/or the adoptive parents are in.

I recommend that you get some counselling - options counselling that includes all your options might help you stop being lost and to find the right choice for you (agencies usually slant towards adoption). If you choose adoption, then you can choose the right resource to help you find the right family. I'd be happy to help you find the resources you need.

I'm an adoptive parent so I'm definitely biased towards adoption - my two children are the greatest joy I could ever have and it was only thanks to 2 wonderful women that I was able to experience that. But you need to make the choice that is right for you.

Good luck. Feel free to PM if you have any questions or thoughts you would like to discuss.

Cynthia

[wdalaya]

I,as someone who gave a daughter up through adoption, would recommend it 100 percent. I have never regretted my decision because it was totally selfless and done with love. I knew that I would never be able to forgive myself if I had had an abortion and keeping the baby without a support system either financial nor familial would not have been fair to her. For me, it has worked out well and I have gone on to live a nice life and have had no regrets because I felt that I made the right decision.

It was a scary and lonely time for me because my family did not want their reputation ruined and so I had to move away from home. The agency that I was with found me a foster family and paid them an allowance. I worked part time for extra spending money but food, clothing and medical care were provided for me.

Please write me if you need to talk.

[onemoreplease]

Bless you for allowing your child to be adopted!
My husband and I adopted a little girl 4 yrs.
ago domestically and we are SO in love with her.
I also pray everyday for our little girls birthmom!
We got to meet her and she really loved her
little girl and was so brave.
I PM'ed Rose as to where we adopted through
as it a wonderful caring place that helps those who choose to
keep the baby as well as those who choose adoption.
If anyone needs that info please feel free to PM me!
Joann
Mom of Ali Marie

[wwjdmelissa]

I'm not sure if this would work for you but it's worth looking into if it's what you need. Look up Mercy Ministries on the web to see what they have to offer. I know it's free and it's a place to live if you choose to carry your baby to term. They can help you find adoptive parents if that's what you choose to do as well. I think they have a new facility in St. Louis so maybe this is something that can help you out. Best of luck!!

[Jenimom]

Hi, my name is Jeni and I'm looking to adopt, and I would second what everyone here is saying - that if you feel that you can do it (I know not everyone can) - then giving life to your child, and to a couple waiting with open arms and hearts is such a gift.


Whatever choice you make, I wish you the best,

Jeni

[SchmennaLeigh]

Can you give the girl some room to breathe?

Anyway, I will answer your question about online agencies.

In my experience, they are not as personable and genuine as smaller, localized agencies. It was beneficial in my case to go with one of these big, national agencies so I could have a nation wide search for someone to parent my daughter, however, looking back, there were so many warning signs.

In short, big, national agencies don't always know the laws for the specific state that you are in, so you can be given false information regarding your adoption plan. This can be intentional or a complete lack of knowledge.

If you are thinking of adoption, please look for a local agency in your area or state. Open your phone book to Adoption Services.

Also, please feel free to think your decision through thoroughly. Don't let anyone pressure you. Don't talk to anyone that you don't feel comfortable with. And most importantly, don't DO anything that you don't feel comfortable with.

Best of luck.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I agree with SchmennaLeigh, at first I started looking at online profiles, but it got VERY overwhelming. I chose a small local agency and not only is the service more personal, but you also have the benefit of having a counselor and post placement services.

Whatever decision that you make should be your own. And remember that even if you look into adoption, it is always your right to choose to parent. Do not make a decision out of pressure or guilt. Any decision that you make is one that you have to live with your whole life, so really give all options a lot of thought....

Good Luck!
((HUG))

Christine

[SchmennaLeigh]

Christine! Thanks! I forgot that one BIG point:

Post-placement services are KEY and local agencies do that SO much better.

[onemoreplease]

[Edited To Remove Agency/Facilitator/fee based services Recommendations or comments]

Please remember that comments about agencies or other fee based services made after 2/10/2004 MUST be made via Private Message.

[Jenimom]

I didn't mean to give the impression any kind of pressuring. I just didn't want to post any specific informations on agencies or services because I thought that was not allowed. But I understand that the fact that I'm seeking to adopt can make me appear less than honorable in my intentions. As I said in my original post, but intention was not to propose myself, but only to offer up what I had discovered.

Apologies if I offended anyone.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

It isn't allowed....so you were right..

I just think that it is a touchy thing to tell a potential birthmom that you are looking to adopt (not you specifically....anyone). Especially in this situation where she is not even looking for parents just information as to where she can get MORE information....

3. Community Websites are NOT places for adoptive parents or adoption professionals to solicit birthparents. So many people visit the Community Websites that birthmothers get "pounced on" from dozens of different people if this rule is not strictly observed. Adoption Media is committed to making the Community Websites places where birthparents feel safe. It is not appropriate for adoption professionals or hopeful parents to post "I can help" messages, or Internet addresses for birthmothers to visit, or to send this type of e-mail to birthmothers

I am certainly not a moderator....but we (other birthmoms who have been there) tend to be a bit protective toward the new expecting mothers....

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally posted by numbr1dbcksfan
I am certainly not a moderator....but we (other birthmoms who have been there) tend to be a bit protective toward the new expecting mothers....

Been there, indeed! I remember after my first postings... the emails. The PM's. Oh my! And most of them were from people who seemed nice but it was so overwhelming that I didn't think about adoption for another full month and definitely didn't post my intentions for fear of being further attacked. I could have used more support while pregnant but was too scared. It's a shame.

PS - Your user icon is fun.

[onemoreplease]

Sorry to use the name of the place. I thought since someone else did it was ok. The place I meantioned is a non profit place but
the main thing is they care about thier birthmoms very much.
They assist birthmoms who choose to parent by helping them figure out how to finish school,finances etc. The birthmoms who choose allow the child to be adopted actually CHOOSE who they want to adopt their child. IT is a great place.
Yes, we adopted through there and yes we would like to adopt again but that does not have anything to do with caring about someone who is in a scarey situation. We may even go international this time as there are few domestic adoption opportunitys our there. In any event we wish this young lady and all others in similar circumstances wisdom and strength.
Personally I still pray everyday for our daughters "other Mother".
We got to meet and stay in touch for the 1st year (and we offered to do so after if she so chose which she did not).
I am glad other birthmoms are protective of one another! Thats great but LOTS of adoptive Moms are very respectful of birthmoms and defend them everytime some thoughtless idiot remarks "How could they give her up".Ugh!
Anyway blessings and best wishes to all those who are searching for the right answer for themselves and thier baby.
Joann

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I was wondering about the online adopt agencies, are they trustworthy? Is there a better way to go? I may need financial support, is this even possible should I decide?

I think that you got some great information! I wish you luck with whatever choice that you make.... just make it your own!

(Note:Rose79, if you get any solicitations in your PM box please be sure to report them.... They are not allowed publicly OR privately!)