[AnGeL_UK]

I'm 21.. just recently quit my full time job to return to college.

I found out yesterday that I am pregnant.. I'm so scared.

I've been with the father of my child for 2 months. We are not even in love with each other, and he doesn't want commitment.

I've told him about me being pregant and he was really supportive to me. I thought he'd just walk out, but he didn't. He wants me to have an abortion.

Thing is, I'm adopted myself and I have always been so thankfull to my birth mother for giving me a chance at life.....

I think I'm about 6 weeks along. The baby has a heart beat now.

I also didn't realize I was pregnant and last week I got so completley drunk while I was out with my freinds.. So I am worried about whether I've done some damage to my child.

Sorry to drone on,

Ange xxxxxx

[kmirkadyrova]

I feel your pain and confusion.

Just take some time and think about things. You still have time to make your choices.

Do what feels right in your heart. Listen to others, but make sure that you don't let anyone else make this extremely important decision for you, because you are the only one who is going to have to live with your choice for the rest of your life.

[daga1629]

I'm sorry to hear you're in a bind. You need to sort many things in your heart and your head. It's hard. I ask that you pray; ask for signs and do what you feel is right for you, not for anyone else. As far as hurting the baby goes with getting drunk go to the doctor. I'm not a doctor, but when I was pregnant with my first I didn't know it yet and I got so drunk for my birthday and then I found out a week later I was pregnant. Believe me she was fine. I was worried but my doctor told me there was nothing to worry about because it was too soon into the pregnancy. you need someone I can be your ears.

[AnGeL_UK]

thanks thats so sweet.

I always thought 1. I'd never get pregnant unplanned, and 2. if I did 'd cope so well.. but its dug up so many issues in my head it doesn't even feel real to me

[kmirkadyrova]

I know it will probably sound harsh but eveything happens for a reason.
If its bringing up issues in your mind, think and analyze the situation before you make your final decision.
sometimes higher powers (whatever they maybe) want us to deal with issues we suppress.

[AnGeL_UK]

Was it hard after, to gve him up?

[keb25]

Angel,
My heart really goes out to you, as I too found out I was pregnant back in September.

First, don't spend any time stressing about your one night of drinking. That was one of my first questions when I found out I was pregnant too. Every doctor I've spoken to says a night or two of drinking before you realize you are pregnant are very unlikely to cause any permanent damage to your baby. It's alcohol dependents and those that frequently expose their unborn child to drugs that have problems.

Second, as for your decision whether or not to have the baby- Let that decision be yours and yours alone. No one can tell you what is best for you or what you can live with. Before I found out I was pregnant I knew I was very much Pro-choice- everyones situation is different. But when the father or my unborn child suggested abortion, I just knew in my heart that I would never be able to live with that decision. It wasn't about what other people would think of me, it was all about what I would think of myself. Only your heart can tell you what is right for you, and I truly believe whatever decision you make will be the right one for you

As for your relationship with the father, my best advice is to just go with the flow. The fact that he has been supportive so far is wonderful. This experience will certainly give you the opportunity to get to know each other a lot better. Just take it one day at a time. The father of my child is someone I was with for three years. I used to love him, but that was quite a while ago. I know that he is not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, but that doesn't mean we can't love this baby just as much as we would if we had been married ten years.

Are you considering adoption for your baby? I am trying to decide that for myself. I too am a full time student, so I understand the debate between your own personal goals and your goals for what you want for your children. It doesn’t hurt to consider all of your options. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t raise your baby though, because it doesn’t take diamond rings or a PhD to do that. Just a lot of love.


XOXO,
Kendra

[KellyStacy]

I just read your message.Sorry to hear of your troubling situation.Everyone has their opinion.Only you will know what is the best thing for you to do.You really need to take time and think everything through could it be possible for you to raise your child now? Of course it will seem overwhelming because you will be responsible for a child.Adoption is a loving choice that is probably not an easy one to make.I always felt the greatest gift a bioligical mom could give her child was the gift of life.As far as abortion well my opinion is strongly against abortion,but i have never been in your situation.I feel nobody could or should persaude you to make any choices since you are the person who will have to live with your choice for the rest of your life.Nobody can say you are right or wrong.Just take the time to go over the choices you need to make.

[tobeafamily]

Angela,

Best of luck,

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[sls_93]

I completly agree with KellyStacy!
It is your choise however there are so many people out there that can offer you and your child so much.
Such, as a open adoption. If your unable to raise it yourself. I'm not for aborotion, but I've never been in your situation either.
Good Luck and God Bless!
SLS
"One gives life the other provides it!"

[Xanny]

The whole point of the pro-choice movement is that it's YOUR choice. I've always been pro-choice because I don't know WHAT I would have done if I'd been pregnant before I was married...none of the options seem good when you're in school and don't have a lot of money. But I certainly wouldn't want anyone else, especially the government, making that decision for me.

Your responsibility is not to bring a child into the world who can't be cared for. This means that abortion is ONE responsible choice you could make.

There are lots of people on this site who are looking to adopt and will be great parents, so that's definitely another responsible option.

Also, I have a friend who was conceived in similar circumstances. Her mom went to her dad and said, "I'm having this baby, and you can be as involved as you want." He said he didn't want to be involved, so my friend's mom raised my friend alone. They didn't have much money, and they lived in all kinds of places (my friend has some GREAT stories!) but my friend turned out great. She even has been able to have a relationship with her dad, now that she's grown up. So if you feel you can do it, raising a child is a responsible option, too.

If you're in college, there's probably some kind of counseling service you can go to where they'll help you think it through. Take your time, and listen to your heart.

If you listen to your heart, you can't go wrong.

Xanny

[leigh32]

hi ,

I can't relate to what you are going through because all I've ever wanted to be is a mom. I am 32 years old and have been pregnant myself 3 times but have not been successful in having a baby. I think it's wonderful that God has allowed you to become pregnant and have a heartbeat. With my last pregnancy, I had a heartbeat at 6 weeks but by 8 weeks I no longer had a heartbeat. Life is a miracle only granted by God and please condsider adoption instead of abortion. ) Your baby is a blessing from God that not everyone gets the chance to have. That's why there are SO many women like myself who are searching for someone who's been granted the miracle of childbirth to bless us with the chance to become mothers ourselves. I'm here if you want to talk and I'm praying for you and your baby.

leigh32

[4theboys]

I think that you are pretty much weighing everything you need to be, and I am grateful that you experienced a good adoption situation, maybe this will help you during your struggles on whether or not to abort. i can't at all tell you what to do on that one, because at the end of the day, it is you who has to deal with those decisions, follow your heart, I believe you will do what is right.

About the alcohol.....they say the first 6 weeks of pregnancy, it really isn't a big deal, your baby is pretty much protected, I think it is Gods way of being fair. It is about the time that most mothers to be would realize that they are pregnant that it becomes more harmful to indulge.....

Good luck with your boyfriend and your child!

[alexa62]

There are other reasons to give birth. Repeated abortion can make it difficult to carry a baby to full term. Giving birth when young can also protect against breast cancer and make future pregnancies easier. It is very hard to give up your child, but in essence when you have an abortion you are giving up your child too. I have done both and while abortion was the easiest option it wasn't the most satisfying. And while you may think that going to school and raising a child seems impossible, many women are doing just that. It's also a plus to have raised your children when you are young and have them out of your house and on their own when you are in your 40's and still young enough to enjoy life and your retirement, and be young enough to see your grandchildren for a long time. You have many options.

[prolife4life]

Angel,
Sorry to learn that you are in a troubling situation and are faced with making decisions you weren't expecting to be faced with.

1st, a very close friend of mine is an RN and she has told me that you really shouldn't worry about damage having been done to the baby. It is unlikely that the alcohol had any effect on the baby.

2nd, this same freind of mine witnessed abortions as an RN and has know become strongly Pro-life based on her experiences. She has seen the humanity of the unborn, even int he 1st trimester and she has seen that abortion is an act of violence that ends the life of a tiny human being. She has also seen the devastating physical and emotional effects abortion has on women. Please REALLY educate yourself about fetal development and abortion.

As an adoptive mother and as a biological mother of 2 children, I encourage you to give birth and either raise or place your baby. Having been pregnant twice, I know that your body is already telling you that you are pregnant and is preparring a safe place for the baby to grow. Only you can protect your son or daughter, just as only your birth mom could protect you. Yes, it is VERY scary right now with lots of unknowns, but what you can know is that you are pregnant with an innocent human being who is dependant upon you for his or her safety. You can know that once you decide to give birth, you will find the strength to do what needs to be done to either parent or place for adoption. You will feel a love for the baby like nothing you can imagine. Don't you even now feel the baby living inside you? Wait till he or she moves! Oh my gosh! AMAZING!!! And even though it won't be easy, once you see and hold your son or daughter you will thank God that you didn't choose abortion! I have known women who have aborted and wish with all that is in them that they had faced their fears and gave life totheir children. They regretted it IMMEDIATELY.

Our daughter's birth mother was raped and impregnanted at 13. SHe was in 8th grade. She almost aborted the baby twice...once at 20 wks and once at 21 1/2 wks. She was told lies by the clinic. Told that at 20 wks the baby isn't formed yet! Told she would die if she disn't abort (she never had a moments problem during the pregnancy and delivery etc), she was told no one would want a bi-racial rapist's baby! LIES!!! They didn't tell her about fetal development, her risks, options, or even what type of abortion they would be doing. They didn't even put her to sleep or dilate her before hand for the 2nd trimester, 20-30 minute long D & E abortion they were performing. She stood up for herslf and the baby at the last moment and chose life! She finished up the school year, delivered and placed her daughter with us, and started high school. If she could find the strength at 13, then I know you have the strength to choose life for your baby too!!!!

Blessings to you and if I can be of any help to you during this time, PLEASE contact me!!! I can help you find resources in your area to address your needs and I can offer friendship. We can talk about pregnancy stuff if you want!

Take care!!!