[BabsCanada]

Domenica;

I am an a-mom, happy to have an ongoing open relationship with my daughter's birthmom.

With only 12 (or less?!) days til you deliver - I agree with Sharon & SoulWhisper - don't make your decision now.

Give yourself time to choose the best family for your child. Our daughter didn't come to us til she was 7 months old, and we bonded. The parents you choose will be thrilled to receive the child at 10 days or 10 weeks or 10 months old.

Take your time.

Babs

[NanaMarie]

It is hard to make decisions in a short space of time .. I wish you the best in whatever you decide regarding this precious blessing you are carrying.

I hope the separation from your husband made your relationship stronger. That must have been hard on all 3 of you.

Hugs to you.

[aboybirthmother]

jmommy
Thread: "Where to turn? "
My husband and I are looking at all avenues of adoption right now. I am always amazed to hear how many birthmoms and aparents find each other own their own. In Texas you can't send out letters, you can't advertise the fact that you are looking for a birthmom, it's apparently "soliciting." I'm just hoping someone can shed some light as to where and how people find each other when you do not go through an agency? Any direction would be appreciated!
Jmommy

jmommy,
may i ask why you do not want to look for a birth mother through an agency, is it a financial issue, are you single, do you think you might be declined under being approved as an adoptive parent, are you not looking foward to "a waiting list" or some other issue, im really curious to know. there are serious reasons to consider an agency, one that you dont run into someone with my situation.

i am a birthmother and there is only one reason that i do not want to go through an adoption agency,(but I intend to) and others may have similar reasons. i did not menchion the boyfriend which got me pregnant while my husband and i were split up for 8 almost nine months.

the boyfriend-birthfather is facing 5 felony charges that he got all this year 2003 revolving around methamphedamines. that will surely give him jail time. He knows i am pregnant and he knows my husband and i got back together. I am going to need his signature on adoption papers signing up his rights to the baby, I can't find him. I have not fully researched what would happen in the long run, i only know that if i lie to an adoption agency and the birthfather gets his life and head together one day that he has legal rights as a birthfather and could get custody of the baby if he knows his rights, after 5 or 10 years this could really not only affect the baby but the adoptive parents as well. I could leave the fathers name blank on the certificate of birth but that still doesn't change the birthfathers rights, he could easily ask for a dna test and proceed for his father rights in court. all in all the bible says to follow the laws of the land, maybe you should move out of Texas if you don't like their laws. As for me, hopefully the birthfather will quit being a coward his mother said today that she is intrested in the baby, i want his permission for that, i will also follow through to make her a legal adoption, she will need to find her son and ask him to sign his rights over

i think you ought to consider an adoption agency so that you dont run into this sort of problem, it is only possible. And if you simply can't adopt for financial reasons, ask your church to help you. If you are a stable, good hearted person longing for a child i dont see why they would have a problem with helping you
- good luck, Domenica

[lovestory]

If you work with an agency, they will do the legal 'leg work' to find the birthfather. You are correct that it is best to be honest and upfront now, and cross all of your t's and dot all of your i's.

There is a number of days that the birthfather has to answer any ads/enquires that an agency puts out.

Go to a search engine like www.google.com and type in 'birthfather registery in Texas' Or 'birthfather's rights in Texas', to help you know more what needs to be done.

Ask an agency what their policy is, when they can't find the birthfather...how they legally go about finding him. Most agencies I know of want everything done legally and above board, just as much as you do.

If you and the agency do all that you can, to find the birthfather, and still do not find him, the adoption plan you put forth is binding, and legal. As I said, the birthfather is given a certain amount of days to accept responsibility. HE knows you are pregnant, if he doesn't come forth now, must mean that he is ok with whatever choice you make.

Good luck!
Stephanie

p.s. These are my opinions. I am not 'the latest' on what is legal and the rights of a birthfather. These are just some information that I have heard. A lawyer or an Agency would know best for your state.

[Liltigger]

I sent you a Pm..Wanna talk email me...

Deborah

Remember God wont put more on us than we can bear.

[davisgaskin]

I have a coworker who adopted a child in which the birthmom made her decision in three days. The birthmom is now in a very positive open adopion relationship with mycoworker. The birthmom said that she talked to several couples and that she just knew that my coworker was who was right or her child. This same birth mom placed another child for adoption two years before and she spent six months making a decision . I am sure that making this desicion is never easy but it is your decision to make so take as much time as you need and listen to your heart then you will make the best decision.

[aboybirthmother]

The couple I am working with was referred to me by my husbands mother, she called me out of the blue. Keep in mind, I have never met these people EVER.....

I called them, met for dinner in public, I actually showed up 35 minutes early and sat on a bench by the entrance watching people come in looking so gloomy just thinking "man I hope their a little more cheery than these folks walking in the doors" Then, there is this bright eyed woman glowing with joy, I already knew it was her, the adopting father too is so sweet, he has such a big heart, his parents had adopted his little sister when she was two months, his sister goes to school in the same city as my sisters, so anyways then went to their house, weve been talking on the phone for three days.
The last day and a half I havent wanted to conversate with them too much, i don't know why,

today is monday the 13th i am due like WEDNESDAY ! my belly is so big last monday the baby weighed by sonogram 7.4 lbs

It was so amazing how comfortable I was with them, I told them about the birthfather too, and the strangest thing, before I told them the birthfathers name they had told me what they would like to name the baby, It is the birthfathers full first name! i just looked at them and said "wow, (pause) really (pause), wow, really(pause)hmm, well thats nice." I was in total shock really. But I don't mind.
So anyways the adopting mother: I grew up in her grandfathers church he had built

[tobeafamily]

Domenica,

I'm so glad to hear you've made a connection. Your comments sound so similar to what Ryan's bmom said about us. We all just felt so comfortable, so relaxed around each other (once we got over being nervous). Our relationship has worked so well I think because we all feel this way. Believe me, I will be praying that your relationship is as strong because it's really been a blessing for all of us.

My prayers will be with you for a safe delivery, healthy child, and as short and pain-free labor as possible. From there, remember to take as much time as you want with your child. As much as you are committed to your plan now, it's still OK to decide to parent once your child has arrived. Anyone who tells you different doesn't have you or your child's best interest at heart.

Whatever happens, I wish you all peace and joy.

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

[Dreamsofchild]

Domenica, I am Terrie, an adoptive mom and a grandmother in Nebraska. I have seen my daughter go thru 2 unplanned pregnancies as well as a young friend. I know that any unplanned pregnancy is a scary time and I can understand how hard this all is for you. For resources this site has some wonderful people to give you information to help you find the best answer for you and for your child.
God bless you and your baby,
Terrie mom to 3, ages 23, 17, 13 all adopted and Grandma to two little sweeties now 5 and 2. Open Adoption is a Blessing!
Terrie37@aol.com

[aboybirthmother]

thank you for your support, i really appreciate hearing from both of you. one thing i had to tell my 13yr old sister was that i have the option to keep the baby within 48 hours later, i told her that i do consider the fact that i have that choice, only if if it comes down to it though, i mean im sure of my decision but i cant say whether or not i might chang my mind that minute, it is only a possibility. but i told her to keep praying with me, that what ever decision be made from this day foward, it be the right one and that is what i feel will happen.
this has really affected my little sister. She has a big heart. Her and my little girl are very close.

WoW, i didnt know it was going to get this much harder. my husband called me the night before last and just asking me over and over, if i was sure this was what i wanted to do, he started thinking that i was considering adoption because of our relationship and the baby not being his. I reasured him that was not the case, afterall, he is the one that convinced me to give the baby life, I Really Know this couple is meant to raise this little boy I am carrying

[sls_93]

I hope all is going well for you considering your baby was due yesterday?
So what happened? Have you had him? Did you deciede to go with the people you met? I can understand the ladies glow you described. I was going to adopt a little boy and after a week the biological mom changed her mind. I was horrified! I cried for a month. Please know your desion before you let your baby go. It's really sad to put people through something like that. We are still looking but we are going to be so careful next time. Good luck and God will see you through whatever you decied. Good Luck!

[jewelewis]

ABOYSBIRTHMOTHER,
I dont know if you will read this. If you do I wanted you to know I think you are AWSOME!!! I know that the birthparents decide on the aparents. But I wanted you to know that if it was the other way around I would choose you. I am just starting the adoptive process and pray to Jesus that he leads a birthmom with the same beliefs and morals as my husband and I. I admire you and your children are blessed.

[Sharon]

"I was going to adopt a little boy and after a week the biological mom changed her mind. I was horrified! I cried for a month. Please know your desion before you let your baby go. It's really sad to put people through something like that." ~ sls93
Sls93, I realize it must have been disappointing for you that the expectant mother in your situation decided to parent after all... however, nobody "put you through" anything, except possibly your agency, which led you to have unrealistic expectations. Adoption is not about providing babies for hopeful adoptive parents. It is about providing homes for children who need them. It is about the children. Just because a woman considers adoption while pregnant does not mean she's under any obligation to relinquish her child. If she finds the means to parent her child after all, so much the better!
Again, I'm very sorry for your disappointment, and I hope that you will eventually find the baby that's meant for you. However, I think it's really inappropriate for you to try to pressure or guilt-trip expectant mothers. Trust me, they are under enough stress already without the added burden. Again, I wish you the best of luck with adopting in the future. But a birthmother does have the right to change her mind at any point before the relinquishment is final, and you just have to realize that's a possibility and not consider a baby "yours" until it is actually legally available.

Domenica, I am thinking about you and hoping you are doing alright. Please update us on your situation when you have a chance. Best wishes, ~sharon