[DebJoe]

I've read many posts here and this seems like a safe place to ask this question.
What are the most important qualities birthparents seek in adoptive parents?
I am a hopeful adoptive mom. Not seeking a situation here, I fully understand this forum needs to be protected for birthmoms to seek support.
But wondering what birthmoms/dads look for.
Thanks.
Debbie

[londar]

I am a birth mom from Indiana. I think that every one is looking for different qualities based on what they were lacking in their own childhood. I know that is what I was looking for. I would love to help you with your dear expectant parent letter.

PM me.

[tincan]

Every birthparent is different. I am looking for several things. I am looking for a catholic family, someone with lots of animals and who loves animals, someone who likes to go on vacations with their family, a nice house with lots of room for twins because i am having twins and lots of room for animals, good jobs, a running car. I am also wanting a family who doesnt care if they get girls or boys. Thats just a few things that I am looking for in a family.

[Doneany]

As an aparent I also wondered before, during and after contact with a bmother, did I say the right things and what did she want to hear.
Again I am not a bmother, but I want to make a suggestion, just be yourself and be truthful when you have contact with a bmother.
I had contact with several birth families during our adoption pursuit. One bfamily did not want to place with a family who had dogs, I could have lied about our 2 dogs, just to get an adoption, but I did not, I came out and told this women that I had two dogs and tried to explain how my dogs interact with children.
AND please do not use "sweet" names when talking with a bmother, such as addressing her a "darling", "love" and other little nicknames of passion. Use the bmothers real name.
Every birth family is different and looking for different values, home lifestyles, religions, number of siblings, type of pet...ect.
Just be yourself!

[tincan]

It would of been hard to lie about having dogs if she didnt want dogs because if she had visits at your house she would of saw them and she could of called fraud.

[withopenarms]

Hi, I totally agree. We are getting ready to adopt and I have learned so much from these post. It really help make things click with me that made sense. I know especially for you aparents who haven't been able to have children yet that it would be very hard to waite until the right situation comes along because I know you would love Any child and welcome it in your home. I have decided that the right situation will come along for our family and yes I think about it every day . I net work to make sure people know about us wanting to adopt (friends & family) but I want it to be meant to be. I now think not every child is for us. We will have this child forever and not only the child but possibly its bparents too. So I want to make sure the child is meant to be here.

[Doneany]

I wish I had the magic wand to wave and grant all adoptive families the right adoption, if only it could be that easy.
I use to get so depressed after talking with a bmother and being rejected because I was the wrong religion, I had pets and they did not want the baby around pets, or that I was too old. The list of rejections could put a family off from continuing the adoption pursuit. The right independent adoption pursuit takes time, but the adoption will happen, if you have patience and just by being yourself. The right adoption happened for us, we got the telephone call and had our daughter in our arms, all within 3 hours. Every rejection and all the disappointments I would do all over again for our daughter.

[tincan]

Its not cool to lie to a birthmother just to adopt her child. Now I am honestly considering having my aunt or mom adopt my twins if I do decide to place.

[tincan]

Its hard for birthmothers to find parents for her child or children. she has to find the right ones for her child. I am thankful that birthmoms get to pick and choice what they want in parents.

[withopenarms]

Tincan,
Your in a really tough situation. Take your time and if you cannot find the perfect couple that gives you some ease . Maybe adoption is not for you. There is so much support out there if you decide to keep them ... I think it is very important to think of yourself down the road and to see where you want to be and make list of the pros and cons. After reading your emails it sounds like you really want to keep your little ones but are affraid to admit it to yourself. I wish you peace of mind with your decision.

[tincan]

Actually I always wanted my mom or my aunt to adopt my twins but never really admitted it to them.

[withopenarms]

Tincan
Hi, There are alot of grandparents that raise their grandchildren. Are you able to talk openly with your family and tell them really how you feel. Maybe If you could you will be able to sleep better at night.

[tincan]

I can talk openly with them its bringing up the subject that has me worried.

[withopenarms]

Tincan,
Have any of them given you any indication that this is what they want also?

If it is ok . May I ask hold you are?
Do they know your pregnant yet?

Sorry everyone we have kinda gotten off the subject.....
Tincan if you want to start a new thread I will follow. Thanks

[tincan]

They do know I am pregnant. I am due at the end of may. They never said if they would be willing to parent my twins. I am 21 years old.