Who is deciding exactly what is appropriate and inappropriate around here, what must be deleted and what is allowed to remain? Because whoever it is, I think they are displaying questionable judgement in the matter. -ivy

[dl]

Ivy - Although I'm not sure what you are questioning, perhaps the following portion of the "Rules of Adoption Media Community Websites" will help clarify. I copied and pasted a portion below. You can read all the rules by clicking on "Terms of Service".

These rules apply to any message boards, chat rooms, e-mail discussion lists, free-email, or any other community websites or services ("Community Websites") operated by Adoption Media, LLC. ("Adoption Media").

1. Personal attacks on individuals or agencies will not be tolerated. Community Websites are intended to be a positive, safe place for everyone. If you read a post and your views differ please respond in a kind and respectful manner. Some of the situations posted on the forums are complex. Please express your thoughts respectfully in a manner that is helpful and courteous.

2. Offensive language is not permitted.

[debsdone]

I was "here" and I saw it. the "rule" that dlouis posted is 100% applicable. Emotional reactions not withstanding. Debi

[Sabra]

Hi Xxxivy:

Thank you for your question. Hurtful posts are the posts that have been removed from the forums as well as other types which I will explain below. It is difficult to try to determine what is hurtful and what could be potentially hurtful to those on Adoptionforums. Each member of Adoptionforums has the right to report posts that they feel are hurtful or potentially hurtful. So many posts are subject to interpretation. It makes it really hard because one poster may feel they are not posting something that is hurtful but the admin team receives a report stating that it is hurtful. If a person makes a post that is rude or disrespectful to the admin team or to other participants of the forum it will be removed.

If you notice any posts that do not follow the guidelines mention here and at http://www.adoption.com/community.php please report the post by clicking on the "Report this post to the Moderator" link. You may do this for any post no matter how long ago it was posted. Even an archived post may be reported. We all need to help each other out with this huge task.

The forums are designed to assist others with information that is helpful and aids in the understanding of many aspects of adoption. This information is to help us personally as individuals and parents. The forums are to give support and assistance. Posts that are personal attacks on individuals or agencies are not tolerated. Adoptionforums is to be a positive, safe place for everyone. We still have more posts that need to be removed to make this true. If you or any member reads a post and your views differ please respond in a kind and respectful manner. You may also choose not to respond at all or choose to report the post. Some of the situations posted on the forums are very complex. There is not ample room to give all of the particulars of a given situation in many cases. Therefore it is best to assume the best of someone participating in the forums. Please realize that some people talk off the top of their heads and are not good at re-reading their posts and thinking through a more gentle or caring way to phrase their words. It helps if you (all of us) add words that help the reader to understand that you have a valid point to make without harshness this will help. Harshness has no place on the forums. As posts are removed it will result in less posts but the hearts and personal feelings of others on the forums matter greatly. If I person notices that their post is no longer on the forum that sends a message to them that they may be coming across as hurtful to someone else. Even if the original poster does not agree or does not see their post that way they need to trust that they have not walked in all of the person's shoes and that they need to either rephrase their post or decide not to re-post.

Please express your thoughts respectfully in a manner that is helpful and courteous. Offensive language is not permitted. If a person reads a post and is offended they may click on the "report this post to the moderator" link at the very bottom of each post. If the post is removed it helps to keep Adoptionforums as a positive and safe place where those that have been hurt would not be hurt again. If a person posts an additional post out of hurt in a manner that is not courteous then that post would be removed. Rather than responding back to the original post they can choose to report the original post. If you wish your post to be a permanent part of the forums please do a quick double check of the criteria for post removal at: http://www.adoption.com/community.php and make sure your post abides by those rules.

There are over 700 forums (I lost track counting. ~ more will be added too!!) It is not an easy job to keep the forums maintained. We really need everyone's help to "keep an eye out" for what could possibly be hurtful. Please report any post that you feel would be hurtful. If you wish further action to be taken such as a warning or banning a person from Adoptionforums please let that be known by clicking on the "report this post to the moderator" link.

I wish there was a way that I could take away the hurt, sadness and pain for many that come to the forums. For some birthmothers, birthfathers, birthrelatives or adoptees or adoptive or pre-adoptive parents the trauma they have experienced in their lives makes each added hurt to contain a very deep emotional impact. That is partially why you see such a huge reaction to some of the words and thoughts posted. Their reaction does not mean that are bad people. It means there is deep caring about this situation and could also be a deep hurt. Let us try not to figure out who is more hurt as there is no measurement for such. Let us gather in love to try to care for our adoption community. Each can learn so much from each other as we are so intertwined as each provides an important connection to the other. We are truly the only ones that have the potential to make each part of the adoption community better!! The secrets lay within each of us!! Our care for each other shows the world how special and compassionate our relationships have the potential to be. Our unconditional love and support for each other can help all concerned. How deep and how hard we work to do this sets us apart to experience a deeper level of trust and love than perhaps other families would ever know. Let others just scratch their head to even try to understand the great love and compassion we can have for each other. We have the passion and the fortitude and definitely the brains (I will attest from many of the posts I have read) to start this change in society today by reaching new levels of compassion and care in areas that some may have not thought possible. Why let society's old thinking hold us back? Think deep within yourself how deeply you love your member of the adoption community. Let that love and passion drive you to understand a new deeper love for any birthmother, birthfather, adoptee, pre-adoptive parent or adoptive parent or relative thereof.

Adoptionforums has moderators that will be regularly checking Adoptionforums for inappropriate messages and material. Each of us can help with this by reporting posts. Posts that do not adhere to: http://www.adoption.com/community.php will be deleted without warning or explanation, and users posting such messages may be banned without warning. Adoptionforums reserves the right to delete any message, thread or user without warning or explanation. This will include advertising of the commercial nature as well as solicitations of any type.

It is really sad when a person has a rude or attacking post as the very first post of the thread because when that post is reported the entire thread is deleted due to the manner in which the software is designed. Therefore, at times a worthwhile thread will be forfeited. Sometimes it may not make very much sense to the onlooker as to why a post has been deleted.

If you have further questions, xxxivy, please let me know. If I can help I sure will. Thank you for your participation and care for others on Adoptionforums. Each member of the forums is appreciated I wish it were easier to show that. If we each work together to keep those that are hurt from receiving more hurt in any small way this will show respect, love and care to our adoption community. If you are feeling hurt please know that others around you are hurt also. I have great trust in each person in our adoption community.

I see g-r-e-a-t potential in you all!

Warmest regards,

[Rosalind]

Thank you Sabra for your remarks.

I liken this forum to a thread on another site, when the manager midguidedly started a thread titled "the mideast conflict who is to blame" It took the form as anyone who knows anything about that conflict would expect, and got extremely heated. Eventually of course it was deleted.

Adoption is a complex situation, there are 3 sides, and up until recently the linchpin of the triad was not heard from, I speak of the mother who gave birth. It is difficult in these "days of sunlight " for adoptive mothers to be faced with the appearance of "that woman"and for adoptees to face their own fears for never searching. There are of course the 1000s of adoptees and moms who have not and still have no access to records..

Rosalind

[Sabra]

Hi Rosalind:

Thank you for your understanding on the various complexities of adoption and the people's lives it touches.

Your care for others is appreciated which is true for other members of Adoptionforums.

If you have time to read through any of the forums to see if there are any posts that are rude and do not follow the terms of service please use the report this post to the moderator link.

Thank you again.

[Administrator]

xxxivy,

To answer your question:

There are several forum moderators that decide which content is appropriate. The guideline they use is the terms of service agreement, and their own moral standards.

We support everyone's right to an opinion and to their own free agency; however, this is not a platform for free speech. We want a positive website, with uplifting and supportive content. Above all else, we want to strengthen the family unit in the home.