[RiverGal]

Is it now the goal of the administration to have a completely bland forum that is predominantly focused on International Adoption?

There used to be many illuminating discussions and yes, even an exchange of very strong different opinions. Lately it seems that anytime a thread takes the slightest turn into a discussion of differing opinions it either disappears or gets locked.

For the past week, the forum has been really boring. This is not just my opinion but the opinion of others that I pmessage or email with. Some, that were members long before me, don't even bother to come here anymore. They said that members used to be able to have discussions/debates but since there was a change in moderators it's almost guaranteed that when a thread starts to get lively it will be locked. I don't understand why differing opinions are taken as flames.

Personally, I have learned the most from those that had a different opinion than myself. I guess if a thin-skinned poster takes offense with my opinion, they can report the post and get it "locked." This seems a real disservice to the members.

Debra

[Cleopatrick]

It's doubtful anyone actually noticed, but I'm one of your long timers that doesn't bother to post anymore. I come and read but I rarely post. There is no point, anytime a discussion gets interesting it's either locked or deleted. Take this thread for instance. It's doubtful anyone will actually see this post because our super duper moderator will have it deleted by morning. I come to read hoping to keep learning but all I see is the everything is wonderful here posts. Those are not a bad thing at ALL, but there is more to the adoption world than hunky dory everybody is happy. So, unless things go back to the way they were this will be my final post. Before I go I would love to send a special thank you to Sharon (who is no longer here), dlouis, debsdone, lucyjoy, and many others for trying to make the place interesting and for always helping out when people need it. Thanks so much to all of you for all the information me and many others learned from you. Too bad nobody else will be able to learn from you since you all are apparently too controversial, lol.

[banjo]

Thanks for this thread I had been wondering why things had got so bland....it's a shame as I am open to discusion and have learned a lot from other's opinions and experiences - are there any other forums that people could recommend?

lol banjo

[dl]

Cleopatrick: You are so wrong! I, and I'm sure many others, have not only"noticed" but have very much missed your very insightful posts. You, are one of many, that I have been aware of, that no longer post. I feel your absence has been a true loss to the learning experience of ALL! Everyone, that now comes to this forum, from any part of the adoption triad, now looses by the censorship that now obviously prevails, IMO. As an adoptive parent that opened a previously closed adoption ~ which I also am aware was due in large part to what you learned from forum members that have now been silenced ~ I especially appreciate your frustration.

MissngLinkInFL: I completely agree with you on everything in your post.. As a member of this forum for over a year, I am so aware that there used to be quite an exchange of opinions ~ even heated debates. They were usually very informative and thought provoking.

In recent months, I've actually avoided posting on some threads, due to the change in moderation. I could tell there was the potential for the thread to be interesting and offer a discussion of differing opinions ~ which apparently is not allowed on the forum anymore. Figured why invest my time when the minute people disagree, even respectfully, the thread would be closed or removed ~ and more often than not, it was.

Unfortunately I have also been taken by surprise several times when a thread that was not at all disruptive was closed. Ever heard the saying "simply because someone can, they will ~ just to show that they can"? Perhaps that is what the phrase "Super-Duper" is meant to convey. Obviously some of us do not share the feeling of power that one feels by having the ability to edit or close posts on a free public forum.

"Personally, I have learned the most from those that had a different opinion than myself."

Absolutely agree! What would we learn from having a discussion with only people that agree with us? I doubt I would have ever pursued contact with my bioFather if I had only had discussions with people that shared my same point of view. It was a few bfathers and bmothers on the forum that "educated me" ~ and NOT by only agreeing with me. I'm sure glad I joined the forum in Oct.2002, and had the benefit of being able to exchange different thoughts, feelings and ideas with other adults, before the current censorship and playground monitoring kicked in.

banjo: I sincerely echo your post: Thanks for this thread. I had been wondering why things had got so bland....it's a shame as I am open to discusion and have learned a lot from other's opinions and experiences. Very true, and a very sad commentary on what the forum has become to so many of us.

Mising Link,

I so agree with everything you have said! The boards have become almost exclusively one sided....when threre a three sides to the triad. Yes, the boards need to be moderated to keep it productive. Yes, rarely some may need to be banned...only when they have proven that they really are not here to help but to hurt, as in the case of formely banned people the come back with alaises. Some have been banned, in my opinion, that added reason and compassion. Someone that I saw grow in her situation because of these board and her growth helped many people also grow. I think thats the point of these boards.

What causes someone to be hurt? Thats a tough question. Sometimes seeing reality hurts for all of us and may object. But is that really hurting or just part of the process of coming to acceptance? Differing opinions may cause someone to "feel" hurt, but it was not meant by anyone to insult or flame. Actual insults to a person charector is hurting....

I have said it many times...even in my ripe ole age of 30...whoops...I mean 46...I am learning every day. I enjoy hearing from new parents of adopted kids, I love seeing the pictures of their children and on the flip side we all need to learn feelings asssociated with all sides....in order to grow.

Automatically locking forums does not accomplish this!

Donna

[spaypets]

I thought it was just me feeling bored...

I am not assessing blame--I was out of town when the two huge arguements happened so I don't know exactly what the story was.

But I learned more from the spirited discussions I had with people I disagreed with than I ever did from people who chime in with Yes I agree.

I think a post should be deleted if someone has made personal attacks. But disagreeing over an issue -- even passionately -- isn't a reason to lock a thread.

I can only assume there's a culture clash at work here. I'm from the East Coast and Jewish -- I think both cultures have a high tolerance for disagreement. (the saying in Jewish families is you get three Jews in a room and you have five opinions). I think folks from the Midwest and South might find disagreeing people disagreeable. My experience when I lived in Chicago was that people found me argumentative -- they do here too, but in Chicago it was a bad thing, here they think it's charming!

[BrandyHagz]

I’m just going to say a couple of things

No one said the thread was locked forever. Personal attacks (which were deleted almost as soon as they were posted) were deleted and because the thread was starting to go that way, we thought it would be best to have a time out. Everyone here (on this thread) knows I have done this in the past, and I’ve ALWAYS reopened the thread after people have had time to cool down. There were a few around Christmas that were handled this way, if memory serves…

The point is, it’s either lock it for a little while so people have time to cool down, or let it go to the point that it becomes unsavable, at which time I’d just delete it.

Its unfortunate that the forums have gone largely unmoderated for so long, it makes enforcing the rules that have been in place all along that much harder.

[Missy M]

Cleopatrick...you are sorely missed as are Sharon, Ray, Skye and so many other awesome people who no longer share their wisdom with us.
Speaking personally, I have no problem what- so- ever with posts that either disagree with my thoughts or that are disagreeable period IMO. Not everything posted applies to me and my situation and as an adult I am able to filter through and obtain what I need and want. Even when there is a "flare-up" on the boards we as adults are able to work through them and move on. There is no situation on this earth where a group of strangers will come together and discuss such a sensitive topic and not disagree. It happens weekly right here in my HOME between related adults who love and respect each other. Even if someone here were taking "pot shots" at me personally, heck its AOL...I can easily shake these haters off. Disagreeing on line is not a life altering event. If all of us had the same thoughts feelings and issues there would be no need for this forum. Its our distinct and vastly different veiwpoints that provide the answers that we are seeking.
I don't know about anyone else but IMO this LOCKED CRAP needs to stop, or at the very least needs to be explained. Are the Moderators following certain guidelines and rules when lockouts occur? What are they? Who is being offended? I saw nothing offensive about the most recent lock-out, I actually stepped away from the computer to get a Pepsi and came back to find it locked. Reading back I saw no need and more importantly no explanation. As an adult that offends me. I don't need Big-Brother/Sister to monitor me in of all things an Adoption Support Group!
I have no beef with the Moderator, I don't know her/him...I have a beef with this "oops 2 people are disagreeing better stop this now" attitude. It scares me to think that if Fatbirdy disagrees with the amount of time I spend with Tovia each week she might say so and be banned!
There is less moderation and more leeway in the Sponge Bob Boards. My grandkid can go there and call another child "Whack" 7 days a week if she wants to. The rules are posted when you enter the forum and they don't change at the drop of a hat, or insult. I am angry and I need an explanation, please. MissyM

[BrandyHagz]

Missy,

You can read the Terms Of Service by clicking the link at the bottom of every page.

[Missy M]

Thank you Brandy....I read those again and the only thing I saw that would remotely apply to any of the recently locked threads would be Rule #1:
. Personal attacks on individuals or agencies will not be tolerated. Community Websites are intended to be a positive, safe place for everyone. If you read a post and your views differ please respond in a kind and respectful manner. Some of the situations posted on the forums are complex. Please express your thoughts respectfully in a manner that is helpful and courteous.

It is my opinion that the posts were respectful and kind. Look, I understand your need for order and control, I just don't agree that its necessary for anyone to enforce a "cooling off" period between adults within a support group. That happens to be my opinion and nothing will change that. I have no choice but to abide by your rules as long as I choose to post here, but its a policy that I disagree with. What may seem offensive and heated to you may simply be food for thought for me....IMO posters aren't being attacked, their comments and thoughts are; thats what discussions and debates are made of...MissyM

[BrandyHagz]

It is my opinion that the posts were respectful and kind

Missy, as I said above, I've deleted the offending posts...what you see now is not the reason the thread was locked.

[kburch]

As a member who is quite new to this forum, I find this thread rather amusing. If I remember correctly, my very first post was in one of the infamous "locked threads" that took place not too long ago. So, without it, I might have avoided the adoption forums addiction that has now taken over my life... I have learned and am learning so much from these forums that I would hate to know that members are taking off because their opinions are not able to be expressed. What a shame!

[kiwi]

I'm sure most people do not do what the moderators and administration do in regards to forum use.... cruise the forums (8 hours a day for me) just for the purpose of keeping the peace. I understand that some people think I am "big brother" and don't care about adoption or the exchange of ideas because I have locked threads and banned users which cause continual problems.... probably nothing I say or do will change your mind if you are among that group, but here I am anyways.

I'm sure everyone has gotten "reply to post" emails only to find that particular post is gone and the thread is closed... Do you have any idea what happened? Do you know the inside story or just what was removed from the closed thread? Probably not.

Though I realize everyone wants to blame Brandy for these type of occurences and say that there never used to be this sort of thing happen, or admin is picking on one group or another, I challenge you to have a look at the numbers. Yes, indeed it used to be rare that there were ever a locked thread, banned user or enforced Term of Service but there are obviously two factors not taken into account.

1- No one was there to ENFORCE the terms of service
So now that there happens to be a visible moderator, she must be the evil one concocting ways for everyone to suffer. I ask just how you have suffered, please email me about your supposed injustices rather than making a public spectacle of yourself. Odds are, the moderators are doing exactly what they have been doing for many years... the difference is you now have a name to put the blame on.

2- Once upon a time there were only a few thousand users
Yes at one point the forums were a small operation, but now there are well over 60,000 users. This means the percentages of everything may stay the same-- participating birth mothers, those adopting internationally, adoptees in reunion, etc. but the numbers of them are higher. That means that problems arise in greater frequency as well.

Never has there been a thread locked which was not a result of solicitations, personal or agency attacks, illegal activities and general rudeness. Though the remains of a locked thread may look appropriate, they probably had to be edited to remove the bashing and rudeness which existed previously.

I am not sure why I am even taking the time to explain myself because ultimately, it is my decision as to what happens, whether people like it or not. Never will 100% of the masses be pleased if there are uniform rules in place.

It is my opinion that if you are wanting real resolution rather than to just complain you would have emailed me (administration) rather than making a scene about it. It's like going to the media to tell them you were dissatisfied with a product rather than contacting the distributer or manufacturer.

[Angelwings2002]

IMHO.......Adoption Forums.com has basically gone down the tubes. I have been here for almost 3 yrs and over those 3 yrs I have observed people banned for having and sharing a different viewpoint than others. I have seen the rules changed with NO forwarning to any of the members.
Where is the so called "administration" in all this??
The chatroom has gone down the tubes along with everything else. The site use to be my favorite place to come and post ...but anymore..I try to avoid it as much as possiable. I feel like the "moderators" of some of the boards change the rules to suit their own personal needs especially when they do not agree with someone elses opinion.

Adoption Forums.com is NOT what it use to be and will never be what it use to be again. We have lost alot of beneficial people off the boards for one reason or another.

It seems like the ONLY opinions that matter anymore are those of the "super moderators" who in my opinion...aren't so super.

Sorry if I offended anyone BUT thats MHO.

[Angelwings2002]

I for one would also like to know what each of the "administrations" connection to adoption is....
I am sure others wonder also...