[janeliz]

I need some advice from birthmothers who may have a similar situation. We have an open adoption with our child's birthmother. Since we live 1000 miles apart, this mostly consists of photos and e-mails being exchanged.

We did go there to visit over Christmas. The birthmother saw her all she could over 4 days, not missing a chance. She seemed truly appreciative of all the time she spent with her birthdaughter, but we did not really get any closer to her ourselves.

When we got home, we sent pictures to her address. It was returned a month later "no such number." We were even at her place when we visited, but we followed her there and I didn't even think to double-check the address. I've e-mailed her several times, no answer.

What is my duty here now? I feel terrible that she didn't get her pictures, that maybe she is upset about something I didn't know about, maybe she doesn't have a home right now? She does have a cell phone but I've never used it because I don't want to intrude on her privacy. Up until now I've limited myself to e-mail.

What do you think we should do after over 2 months of non-communication?

Thanks, Jane

[mikey]

I think maybe your reading too much into the situtation. My babies a-parents had my wrong adress for months and even sent my x-mas gifts to it! Call her, comunication is the key. I hope everything works out and she can see how much you care.

[BMlaurie]

Hi Jane! Hmm...that does sound awfully strange that she just kinda seemed to vanish into thin air like that. I really doubt that she has an issue with you - you sound wonderful! I love that you're putting the effort in to get through to her and I could see with the kind of results you're getting how that could be frustrating. I have to ask you to please not give up on her tho! Maybe she just needs some time right now to sort things out.

About calling her cell # - do you have the number already? Did she give it to you? If so, then by all means give her a shout! I'm sure she'll be thrilled to see how much effort you've put into trying to locate her. It shows that you really care and everyone, not only bmom's appreciate knowing that. I'm sure she'd absolutely love to receive those pics and i'm sorry i can't answer your questions about what she's up to right now, but don't lose hope! Once you do regain contact i'm sure she'll thank you for showing your concern and being so thoughtful. Even if she won't I will. So thanks and good luck Jane! Keep us posted on how things work out!

Laurie

[janeliz]

Whew! I finally got an e-mail from birthmom and it was all just mis-communication. She had changed her e-mail address and never told me. Her old boyfriend closed the old account so she didn't receive mine and I didn't receive two of her e-mails.

She was just as concerned as I was! Thanks for the help and giving me some advice -

Jane