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Originally Posted By Colleen

Today is one of the low points in our search to adopt again. I thought maybe we would have the chance, the chance to be parents to a three month old baby girl with curly red hair and big blue eyes.I have pictured her in my mind as a part of us, as a part of my family. Yet even though I want her, her bmom will never know of us. We heard about her from a facilatator. So I begged and tryed to borrow the fees for the facilatator, the attorneys, and travel with no luck.It just can't be done. So i sit hear pouring it out to you all, i am so full of pain. my heart aches. Why am I teased with children just out of reach, or in this case just out of reach of my bank account. Why do my hopes become so high only to crash and burn. Why does our God let me travel down this hard road blindly only to fall over and over again. The pain of not becoming a mom again is slowly overtaking me. At this moment it consumes me and even though my husband, friends and family are trying to get me thru it, my heart is unable to continue taking this abuse I seem so destine to put it thru. And yet I have a great son, a wonderful husband and family why can i not find peace in being a family of three instead of four.In pain and tears.Colleen

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Dear friend
Check out the site preciouskids.org
they have a link to a church or organization that loves to help with the $$$$$ for adoptions.
Its a shame that $$$ plays such a role in giving these sweet little Angel Bugs a home and family to love.....
...Ask the Father to open the windows of heaven for you...He is a good and Loving Father that loves to give His children their hearts desires...My prayers are with you and your family......Ask and ye shall receive....God Bless You

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Originally Posted By Toni

Colleen,

     Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, our feelings are our feelings there is no right or wrong to them. I don't know why things happen the way they do. As you know, I am still struggling with it. I have been tempted with several situations of children that have never come to be. Three weeks ago tomorrow I held my daughter and thought this is it - I am finally a Mamma. We came home without her. I have a loving husband, a home, a job I enjoy, lots of family nearby - why can't I be satisfied without a child?

Because I want to share my life with a child. I want to be able to teach my child to read, to dance, to play. I want to hear giggling and little footsteps. I want sticky hands on everything and someone to call me Mommy. You have been blessed with this once and there is nothing wrong with wanting it again. The adoption process is tough not unlike the infertilty roller coaster ride. One minute you are up and then you are down. You are just down now - hang on and stay on the ride for you will be up again. That is what I am counting on. You helped to comfort me and I hope I am able to give some of that back.

        &n bsp;       &nbs p;          

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Originally Posted By nancy

hi;
I know just how you feel....you come so close,but yet so far. It truly hurts, the pain is unbearable,but just know there are reasons things happen as they do.You may never know what the reason is, but your prayers will be answered eventually!! I promise... My husband and I were at our lowest point with another failed IVF and just two weeks after the failed attempt(with no contact before) our bmom called us and our daughter was born the following day..Miracles do happen and your miracle will come to you soon. Just hang in there...
nancy

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Colleen, I have an brochure from the National Adoption Foundation for a financial grant application. Their phone # is (209) 791-3801. They "provide financial assistance to qualified applicants to improve each child's chance to be part of a loving family." They also do low-interest loans. The address is National Adoption Foundation, 100 Mill Plain Road, Danbury, CT 06811. There is no e-mail or website listed. Good Luck.

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Originally Posted By Colleen

thank you all for your support.I did follow up on all the helpful $ suggestions you gave me, and I will let you know how that goes. My father-in-law whom I have always considered a selfish man and was not a very good father to my husband when he was growing up because of a drinking problem, has overwelmed us with his love and compassion. He has secured a loan through the bank for us, for most of the money needed. So now it will be up to God and the mom of this little girl. To decide if she will be our daughter, and if we are not the family she choses that will be ok. Because the mom will know that we wanted this child, and in my heart I will know we did everything possible to make this a match. Hope to let you all know soon whats up, I've got calls in to all the people that can give me some answers, but of course no one was available.