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Originally Posted By Barbie

I have seen SOOO many posts here and elsewhere from Birthmoms that have said they thought they had an open Adoption, but once baby was born the story changed, This makes me feel so sad. Those Aparents have missed out on so much,and they have also deprived their baby of so much. We are involved in 2 open Adoptions presently. We would want it no other way. P.S. We are hoping to adopt an infant. Thanks Birthmoms!!You are special. God Bless , Barbie

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Originally Posted By COurtney

Hi Barbie! Welcome to this board! Your post was wonderful and as a birth mother in that situation myself, I felt a need to respond. But, my response probably won't be one that anyone expected!!!

Since I came out with my story on-line ... I've spoken with several birth mothers in chat rooms and on boards who have similar situations as mine, Thought they were getting an open adoption - turned out to be closed. BUT ... since I began, I've been getting floods of e-mails and correspondence from adoptive parents who are on the opposite side of things! The birthparents are the ones who have cut contact off. In the past, we've only heard these horror stories from birthparents, frustrated and hurt from the loss of contact. And yes, it is devastating! (I know!!) But ... what we haven't heard are the stories of these adoptive parents who truly want and expect contact with their chidlren's birthparents. In the last week I recieved 15 e-mails from adoptive mothers writing to me desperatly wanting my advice and opinion on how to approach the birthmother of their children in regards to beginning correspondence. That breaks my heart.

It goes both ways. Why is it more devastating when the aparents cut the contact off ... than when the birth parents do? It isn't. Open adoption is about the CHILD. The best interests of the CHILD. It isn't about if the birth mother at the time wants to be around ... then doesn't ... or if the aparents feel uncomfortable ... or afraid ... or insecure ... it is about the CHILD. And open adoption is about the best interest of the child, and it came about because research and study has proved that birthfamily involvement is positive and encouraging and aids the mental health of the adoptee.

So when one side or the other cuts contact off ... it's the adoptee who suffers the most.

Thank you Barbie ... for bringing this up!
Courtney

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Hi, what a blessing your message was to me. I pray for more love to be shared between bmoms and amom's everywhere, we all want the same things for our babies. smile* Irene*