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Originally Posted By dramagirl316

Courtney...your writing "Alone" is what people need to read....every adoptive parent should be required to read that before even thinking about adopting...adoption isnt merely a baby but a person..the young woman who carries that child is the most important thing until that little one pushes his way out into this world....Then the focus to move to on him SOME..does that mean attention is taking off of his mother? NO...is her importance gone..NO...is she any less special...NO...then why once people adopt the bmom is no longer an exciting thing...no longer do they run to their email just to see if she has poured out her heart to them..no longer is it amazing to sit and talk till one in morning about "nothing"...why is this?...To be honest..At this second in time I really and truely believe maybe bc the late night talks..the letters..the calls..they are all part of a plan...we want your baby...look how nice we are...we "care" about you...arent we great...(Babys born)....thank you...sorry i cant talk now...gotta go...no time for you anymore...so here is this woman, that a month ago..you thought about constantly..how is she..is she feeling ok..i hope she is doing well...and now do you think about her...or is it only when you look at her child that you see her face....Whheew another cry...Open adoption-therapy for your soul...lol...from my heart to yours...huggs drama...

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Just over a month ago, I placed my son with Greg & Michelle in an open adoption. Since then, I have called them three times, twice to arrange a visit with them and little Eric.

But I am sad because they have not once called me! I feel like what Drama said in the "alone" post is coming true. I wonder if they are thinking of me? If they are, why can't they call me and tell me that? I am so frustrated. When I met with them before Eric was born, I felt so connected with them. I felt that even if there wasn't a baby involved, I could still have a relationship with these people. But, now that there is a baby, I'm not seeing that relationship continue.

Is it just too soon? Should I wait for their excitement to die down a little? (Not that it ever should, Eric is a picture perfect angel! If anyone has experience with open adoption, please let me know how you delt with the first few months.

And I would like to take a moment to let you know, Drama, that you and your family are in my prayers. In moments of grief following the loss of a loved one, I have found that memories are your best friend! While greiving is a necessary part of healing, don't forget to leave time for the happiness their memories can bring. The memories of the two short days I spent with my son were plentiful enough to keep me smiling for centuries!

All my prayers and love, Jennifer

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Originally Posted By Drama..

Hey sweetie..when i read your post I felt so much sadness for you...He is your son honey and knowing he is doing ok is what it will take to help you "start" the healing process..I think you should call and ask how he is...how is he eating..how is he sleeping..has he smiled yet...does he cry often...does he like to cuddle...these are all things any mother would want to know about their child...I encourage you to find a way to see how he is...My prayers are with you hon..from my heart to yours...huggs drama

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Originally Posted By Courtney

Hi hon ... Well, I don't have an open adoption and I can't tell you what I went through ... but I noticed that it has been only a month ... even though time feels like it's stopped right now ... with the waiting and the wanting and the anxiety ... use this time to prepare yourself maybe.
I know, from what my sister says (she has an open adoption), that it takes her like three or four days to "prepare" to see her daughter. Maybe you could use the next two weeks to sit back from the worry and pray, journal, start a baby book for when you get pictures and things ...

I also agree with Drama too though ... so I wouldn't wait another month by any means.

I wonder ... are there any adoptive parents here reading this that might have some input?

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It is hard to guess what is happening...have you arranged to have a meeting? You mentioned you called 3 times, but I am not clear what kind of response...were they warm and receptive or did you just leave messages on an answering machine which were not returned?

I know as an adoptive mom with open adoptions, we really needed a month or two just to get used to having a baby in the family...there is so much that happens with finding an MD, getting used to a new routine and a major life change., etc.
Part of the change is also that the family is much more attentive to the expectant mom *before* the baby is born...after the baby is born, all the focus shifts to the baby which in a way is as it should be, but I think the birthmom feels left out and deserted...what is REALLY important, is that the birthmom find a group or support network outside of the family...I think lots of times when the family becomes the support network, once the baby is born, the dynamics change and the family is not able to be there for the birthmom in the same way as previously...this is why it is important to have your own support network.
I hope this perspective is helpful.

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Originally Posted By NANCY

Hi;
I am an adoptive Mom with an open adoption. Our daughter is two now and we took her home from the hospital after she was born. We waited so very long to have a baby and it all happened so very fast for us. We wanted an open adoption; so our daughter will know that she is loved by, not only one Mommy, but two and two Daddy's. In the beginning, we saw our birthmom every two weeks,but I can tell you....It was difficult for us, only because we were trying to get use to the idea that we had a baby and it was real emotional for all of us! We made a promised to our birthmom from the start and we didn't want to go against it; so we continue to see her. My guess, is the adoptive couple are just trying to get use to the shock of FINALLY having a baby and they will call you when the comotion calms down. It was real awkward for us at first, but our bmom formed a friendship with us; so as time wwent on it got a bit more comfortable.I think you should call them in a few weeks and ask them if you can see your baby! I am sure once they get into a routine they will probably call you. Hopefully, one of these days.we will have another baby and start all over again.

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Originally Posted By Irene*

Hi, I think that you should call. I think that you must keep the communication open. If it's all on your side, so be it. Visit your card store and find sweet cards to send to them as a family. Let them know that you are not going anywhere, but at the same time you pose no threat to their family either. Do not be silent! The times between conversations will get easier and longer as time goes by. Let them know that you love them as a family. smile* Irene *

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At the agency where I placed my baby, they like to arrange a "match meeting" between the adoptive parents and birthmother once the birthmother has chosen a family. The purpose of this meeting is to discuss everyone's feelings about hospital time, openness, etc. Because of frustrating setbacks and delays caused by the birthfather, an adoptive couple had not been chosen by the time my baby was born. So, there never really was a match meeting. I've been talking with my counselor and I think we're going to arrange a match meeting with Greg and Michelle. Hopefully, all these anxious feelings I've had will be discussed, and they can tell me how they're feeling too! So, I'll keep you posted and let you know how my open adoption works out!

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Please let us know how it goes!

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Originally Posted By Jessica and Steven Cloutier

Hi, Jennifer!

It's very possible that the adoptive parents are just very, very nervous about talking to you, especially if you've never met them before. Being an adoptive parent (soon), I know that my biggest fear about the whole situation was how the birth mother would be - would she like us, was she nice, was she committed to adoption for her baby, etc. After meeting her I can see that my fears were unfounded, but if they haven't had that chance yet they may still be a little skittish. Of course, all of this is on top of the fact that they are bonding and being with a new baby, and that is exciting in itself.

I can see why you would be worried, but be gentle yet persistent and keep trying! It doesn't sound like this is in any way intentional. There are alot of emotions on both ends. Maybe when you call them (or if they call you) you can suggest a date a few weeks from now, to give both of you time to get through the motional roller coaster you all have been on.
Above all, be good to yourself and make sure that you are ready for visits to start also. I'm sure your emotions are running as wild as theirs are!

Love and laughter,
Jessica and Steven