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Originally Posted By Dramagirl316

With the Christmas holidays just closing...I have went through an wide array of emotions...I have just finished reading THE STORY OF DAVID BY DION HOWELL...(read it..it is an awesome book about open adoption) and the more i think about adopting..the more my heart hurts for our future life friend...our bmom...when I think about that woman...taking a piece of herself and asking me to care of it....my heart aches...is this normal? I feel weird for not wanting to just hurry up and find our bmom..I am almost scared...I know it will hurt her more than anything else possible and do I want to be the reason she is hurting? I too, at a very young age found myself in a predictament...19 and preg after a horrible rape had occured...everyone on all sides were telling me to abort..this was something, regardless of how the baby got their that I could not and would not do...so then they all started in on how placing my "bi racial result of a rape child" for adoption could be wonderful for me..."Where they nuts...how could taking something that lived inside my body for nine months, feeling every kick, every hiccup, every stretch, how could taking that child and placing it in someone elses arms POSSIBLY be wonderful"? So I did what everyone wanted me NOT to do..I kept him and I did my best...8 mo later I was married to a wonderful man that Loves my son as his own...So i know what it is like...to have someone ask you to do that...we are foster parents and these kids have had their parents rights terminated for one reason or another...but do i want to adopt a child that I know I will have to explain to him or her that his mommy and daddy couldnt break the drug habit long enough to feed him so he ended up with me... I want an open adoption..where..the bmom is like my lil sister..and we talk and send letters and vidoes and we love her like our family...But can i sit and watch her sign those papers knowing she is be stripped of her legal rights...i just dont know...sorry to vent guys..I just needed a place to let all this out..i guess talking about this -this week isnt so good..one year ago this week..we were 10 weeks preg with a child and misscarried...the child we just KNEW would be our daughter..and now we can concieve anymore....my emotions are wacked out this week...sorry to make the board dreary--huggs drama

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Originally Posted By June

Thank you for sharing how you are currently feeling. A bunch has gone on in your life. You are so right that you have emotions, major, right now. But it is really good and healthy that you are talking about it. Posting is like journaling. Have you ever journaled? It is so cool. An excellent way to begin to cleanse and "get it out" so to speak. Did you feel better, even is just a bit, after posting your post. I hope that you did. As your honesty was so helpful. It is an interesting thing that when we go through situations that are not easy we do grow stronger but why do the tears flow so very much easier???? I can relate I have that. I think of the tears as little washers. Sort of like the sprinkers. LOL. Well I want you to know that you are not alone. And people here really, really do care. I can tell by reading all the other posts.

I do believe that our there somewhere is the right birth mom that will totally appreciate you, your sensative heart, your hubby and your child. When it is right you will know it. Don't give up. Just know that you are being shaped and cleansed for what is ahead. So "go girl" you have a great deal to offer. Remember you are not the person making the decision that a birth mother chooses adoption. That will be her choice. And of course you will be the kind of person that will be honest enough to express that to her. Wanting the best for the birth mother is very important. Thanks for being part of how we all learn and grow.

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Originally Posted By Courtney

After reading your beautiful and heartfelt post I first want to say, "Don't ever apologize for your feelings!!" That's what this board is for - a place where each of us can "vent" or give thanks, or ask questions, or just simply find new friends to support ... so DON"T be sorry hon!

I wondered after reading - perhaps your high emotions about birth mothers comes from being a mother yourself? You have a unique experience ... already having given birth to a child and experiencing all the "biological mommy" feelings. So I am wondering if your heart aches for the bmom's because you have been there ... and you know. I think that your experience will someday bring about an amazing relationship with a birth mother ... and you will be able to "relate" like no other adoptive mother ever has!! Go with your feelings on this one ... don't hide them or think you're "strange" or "dramatic" because these feelings, and your experience will bring enormous healing and growth into a future relationship with any birth family.

Also ... you said, "I don't want to be the cause of her hurt." I have to tell you ... a birth mother DOES hurt, for a very long time. But adoptive mother's are NOT the cause, unless they have done something to intentially hurt the bmom (like cutting off contact or mistreating them etc. which by the way goes both ways too.) So don't think even for a moment that you are doing something to hurt her! She will grieve, but that's normal ... it sounds like you will be there for her if she chooses that - and to be honest - WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I RELINQUISHED!!!!

Okay okay ... i've written a short novel here ... I just really want you to know ... Your doing fine - and it WILL get better. Your heart is in the right place.
my love and prayers,
Courtney Frey

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Originally Posted By Courtney

I've never had a better reason to cry! Your post was beautiful ... thank you. Your last name wouldn't be Kehret would it? I just knew a June in Iowa who was an adoptive mother and she was as sweet as you ...

Thanks. ANd I do care ... for everyone here and those to come ... my prayers are with you and everyone else.

love and hugs,
Courtney

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Originally Posted By dramagirl316

>>I wondered after reading - perhaps your high emotions about birth mothers comes from being a mother yourself? You have a unique experience ... already having given birth to a child and experiencing all the "biological mommy" feelings. So I am wondering if your heart aches for the bmom's because you have been there ... and you know.>>

THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH...I could not for the life of me figure out why I was feelin so much distress about adoption...and youve nailed it...Girl, God has such a special plan for you life and you are fulfilling that plan as we speak...thank you Courtney for being a vessel that He can use to reach others....Last night as I was laying in bed and thinking about all that has happened in my life..I came to the realization that I was so very close to placing my son Allex the one that I had at 19 (he is four now)....I was so torn on what was "right" in everyone eyes...and i would ask myself.."What am I supposed to do" For the longest time while I was pregnant..i thought for sure I would not be able to even look at my child once he was born bc of the violent nature in which I had gotten pregnant..I had so many mixed feelings inside me..But you know when I had my baby boy..and I looked into his HUGE brown eyes...I was in love...gracious.. I was in love from the beginning but seeing him brought about a healing and a forgivness in my heart that I cannot explain...maybe it was his pure, innocent love..YES! That has to be it!...Remembering back to when I first saw him is, I guess, where all my anxiety about adopting is coming from...that moment when I looked at myself...because basically..he was a part of me...so there I was looking at ME...and I KNOW that every mother does that regardless of how that baby was concieved...That child is a very very vital part of who she is...regardless if he lives one day or a hundred- that love will never stop, never slow down, and for goodness sakes will never go away...SO to be apart from that love makes me sad...So inconclusion )....there is no way that I will be a part of an adoption that isnt open or at least semi open..my child will know her mother that sacrificially carried her inside her body for nine months and gave her life...she will know that her mothers love for her was AMAZING....Ok another good cry for me...every time I post her I ball like a baby...hey Courtney..maybe this should be called "OPEN ADOPTION...THERAPY FOR YOUR SOUL"...) I am already connected here...from my heart to yours...warm huggs...drama )

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Originally Posted By Irene*

Hi Drama, I really appreciate your sharing. I can feel your dilema about a bmom's pain. I hope your bmom has the same virtues as you do. smile* Love in HIM, Irene*