? For bmom's- Adoptive parent now pregant

jp4ga · #1 11-02-2009, 09:16 AM

So how do I tell the bmom of the child I have adopted that I am having a baby.

Here's the history:

I have been married 18.5 years. I had my first child with the use of fertility drugs at 5 years of marriage. I saw 4 specialist through out the years who all told me that in order to concieve again we would need to use additional fertility treatments.

I adopted my DD 16 months ago. M the bmom loved that DD would be the youngest child and that her older brother is 13 and she would basically be an only child when he leaves for college in about 5 years. She asked me several times if we planned to adopt or use fertility treatments again. We told her NO which was the truth.

How do I break the news to her? I am still in shock at the news. I actually went to the doctor to have some test done, thinking that I had cervical cancer or that I had started menopause. I am at a high risk of miscarriage due to my age and other "female" issues. So I don't plan to tell her anything until I am in the second trimester.

I appreicate any advice you have. Our OA has been hard and I have a feeling this is going to make it even harder.

m-mom · #2 11-10-2009, 01:13 PM

I would be honest and tell her it wasn't planned. she should understand because i'm assuming her pregnancy with your DD wasn't planned. Unplanned pregnancies are a part of many womens lives, just some aren't ready for a baby and others are.

greenbottles · #3 11-10-2009, 01:24 PM

how exciting - wonderful news. Go figure after all this time and with no fertility treatment you get preggie. Isn't life wonderful at throwing curved balls. And this is a great one!!! As a first mother I have no advice other than to be honest and not to close the OA if your daughter's first mother gets angry. I so hope she doesn't but you know her better than the rest of us. Personally I would have been very happy if my daughter's amother had got preggie.
How wonderful for you!

jp4ga · #4 11-11-2009, 08:28 AM

Thanks for the advice. We plan an telling her in our Christmas phone call, which actually happens a few weeks before Christmas. I will be in the second trimester at that time.

We will not close the adoption if she get angry she has a right to her feelings and emotions. However, our adoption was closed for a few months recently due to some threats that were made. We worked with our agency and to help get back on track. We sent an update letter in November and hope to be able to stay on track this time.

I just don't want her to feel like we lied to her. She picked us soley for the reason that I could not have kids without treatments. We hope that she understands that this was a total shock.

hpfreak080 · #5 11-11-2009, 08:39 PM

Was your DD an unplanned pregnancy for bmom? If so, I would most certainly hope that she understands that this was unplanned and a complete surprise (CONGRATS by the way) and that you didn't get pregnant just to "spite her" or something.

CONGRATULATIONS again! Hopefully you have a good and healthy pregnancy (and baby at the end =D )

ericarenee87 · #6 11-11-2009, 08:48 PM

As a firstmom I was thrilled to hear that my daughters parents were finally pregnant!. Congratulations. Just tell her when you feel comfortable. B's mom is due in March w/twins and I couldn't be happier for her. And you by extension.

belleinblue1978 · #7 11-11-2009, 09:57 PM

I wouldn't tell her at your Christmas call. I would make it a separate call I think. It is big news for all of you, treat it that way.

Unplanned pregnancies quite often happen and we don't have control over what happens in the lives of others. I wouldn't be surprised if she isn't upset at first, but as long as she doesn't dump her emotions on you, she has that right.

Tell her and then give her time.

karaboo · #8 11-12-2009, 07:48 AM

Congratulations! I know you must be elated!

I agree, just tell her the truth...it just "happened", and you are totally surprised. There isn't anything you can to do change how she feels about the news, so just be yourself and answer any questions she has.

But I also would not tell her until after the holidays. If there is a potential bad reaction, there is no reason to have to go through Christmas with all of that. It can keep until January.

jp4ga · #9 11-12-2009, 06:22 PM

Thanks for the advice. You are all right, it should not be told in the Christmas phone call.

However, now there is nothing to tell. Went to dr. today, and there was no heartbeat and growth had stopped. I should be measuring 9 weeks 5 days, but measuring 8 weeks 2 days. They will do another ultrasound on Monday, but I have been told not to hold out hope. A dnc will probably be done on Tuesday.

Juliana13 · #10 11-12-2009, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jp4ga

Thanks for the advice. You are all right, it should not be told in the Christmas phone call.

However, now there is nothing to tell. Went to dr. today, and there was no heartbeat and growth had stopped. I should be measuring 9 weeks 5 days, but measuring 8 weeks 2 days. They will do another ultrasound on Monday, but I have been told not to hold out hope. A dnc will probably be done on Tuesday.

Rats. Sorry. Hugs to you.

karaboo · #11 11-12-2009, 07:21 PM

Oh jp, I am so so sorry...

Please let us know what you find out.

susie_book · #12 11-14-2009, 01:52 PM

I'm so sorry, Debbie.

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Welcome to the Forums.	Register
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)