[Amaurosis]

Well, I guess that our adoption is closed now. Our son's birthmom hadn't replied to anything in months, and now her email address is shut down. She had already moved from her last address and we don't know if she still has the phone that we gave her (the only one she had)...at any rate, she doesn't ever answer it. Her email was the last way we really had to contact her.

I am so sad. I really, really wanted our adoption to stay open for our son's sake, and it breaks my heart that we don't have any way to contact her -- or for my son to contact her when he gets older.

Does anyone have any thoughts? Our agency doesn't generally facilitate open arrangements. We have a fairly easy to find web presence, but I otherwise don't know any way to make sure that she can find us if she ever changes her mind.

[teacher22]

First off let me say that I'm sorry that you are unable to contact your son's bmom. You seem like you truly want to have open communication.

I am a bmom who has been in reunion with my bson since December of '08. I stayed in contact with his aparents for almost 4 years through letters. At that point in my life I went through some emotional upheaval and I was unabe to "deal with" anymore raw emotions. I didn't contact him or them for another 14 years. The reason I tell you this is because maybe your son's bmom is having trouble dealing with all of her emotions.

I know this doesn't make it right or any easier but maybe her not having any contact is her way of saying "I can't handle this right now".

I would keep trying to contact the bmom every other month or so and keep making yourself "accessible" through the internet, mail, etc....

Best wishes,
H

[kimkrantz]

Sometimes the reality of open adoptions can be to hard for the birth mother. I am birth mother and did a simalar thing. I did however send a letter letting them know that is was to hard and we could try again at later time.
My life at the time did change when I placed my daughter, so the reason why I had to choose adoption were still there. I had issues with my mother open up my mail before me and that was the least of my personal issues. I thought I would love to have an open adoption, but it was to hard for me in the begining. Ihad so much support during my pregnancy, but after there was nothing, just me trying to deal with the fall out of my life.

I was just contacted 19 years later by the adoptive family to start iniating contact, all these years she has stayed true to her word, and is making sure my daughter as a chance to get to know me. I am now at a point in my life where I am good and eager to go into this next phase of our journey.

Just pray for her, and I hope she finds the peace in her life that is needed to get herself together.