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#1
12-01-2008, 03:37 PM
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gift or not for birthmom
We are doing a private adoption. I guess it would be considered open. We have met, went to the Dr with her once and will be at the hospital in another room when baby is born. I wouldn't say we are close, just because we don't know each other that well. We are doing pictures, letters and visits every six months. So my question is: I was wondering if it is appropriate to get her a gift, flowers, something when the baby is born? But still thought it would be nice to do something. Just didn't know how she would take it.
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-------------------------------------------------- Tara   
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#2
12-01-2008, 03:43 PM
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Flowers are a nice gesture, I think...
We brought JD's firstmom a beautiful picture frame for one of JD's pics... We brought AJ's firstmom a book of poetry and a journal. Seven years later, she still tells us that journaling after she got home "saved her life". Congrats, by the way!
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#3
12-01-2008, 04:23 PM
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We got my son's birth mom 2 dozen roses shortly after his birth. We also got her chocolates and bath salts ( I love those!) when we met.
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Signed with facilitator 1/23/07  Profile completed & sent 2/07 M a t c h e d ! 8/23/07  Cameron is born 11/10/07  FINALIZED!!! 4/3/08  Cameron is diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome 11/10/07 Life is beautiful, but it's complicated. We barely make it. We don't need to understand, There are miracles, miracles. Yeah, life is beautiful. Our hearts, they beat and break. (Vega 4)
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#4
12-01-2008, 04:31 PM
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Yes a gift would be very appropriate, however you need to check with your agency/lawyer to see if gifts prior to finalization or TPR are allowed.
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Tara May Momma to Piper December 22, 2008 Open Adoption Birthmother to T. February 13, 2000  
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#5
12-01-2008, 05:24 PM
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I'm going to say no on the physical gift. Give her the gift of time when she is in the hospital with baby. Let her be the mom, don't impose, act as a guest, because that is what you are when you are there. I think that is the greatest gift you can give her.
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First mom to the amazing Kiddo and adopted adult. 1-4-2009 Mom and I visit Kiddo despite the bad weather. He really loved the blue mittens I made him and even helped me plan my living room. Apparently Hot Wheels wallpapper is the way to go. 2-16-2009 I got a promotion, that comes with a raise. Mom and Dad are visiting and we're going to Al's for pie to celebrate. 4-27-2009 Dad surprises me with a Lady Ugly Stick (an awesome fishing rod that is pink) and a 2nd Iowa Light Artillery Battery jacket. I'm a lucky girl! 5-30-2009 Kiddo turns five. It is hard to believe he is that old already, it seems like just yesterday he was being born. I was at peace for the first time on his birthday, what a nice feeling. 6-13&14 2009 A cannon live fire in Casper WY. We got third place and I got to see Devil's Tower for the first time, it was pretty awesome. 7-4-2009 Amelia the kitten comes to live with me and Liz. Talk about jealousy, Liz will adjust though.
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#6
12-02-2008, 09:03 AM
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Yes-our agency actually recommended it. We only had a few hours notice so we just got a card (with a personal note) and a Target gift card.
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#7
12-05-2008, 02:14 PM
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The gift of promises kept... don't say OA or Semi OA and then close. As much as I want to close my adoption it is still semi-open and will remain so. I won't go into why I feel like closing it because those who know me know why. I am just working hard to keep my promises to her.
As far as a gift, a photo album or premade scrap book that you can send more pages or photos for. We did not have hospital pics because the baby was a week old when we got her, but we took lots of pictures (of just the baby not us) at the hotel while waiting for ICPC. Prior to leaving we got them printed and sent them in the photo album to her bmom. Every few months I send pictures for her to add to the album.
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Debbie Foster Parent- Biomom - Adoptive Mom
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