[bmac1234]

My wife and I are now ready to make our next step in building our family. Unlike our first adoption that turned out to be a win, win. We have become syndical about the agencies and attorneys. We have contacted a prominent attorney in FL. That we thought did a great job with our first adoption. We live in Fl. So that helped. They are now delaying the process unlike before and we are not sure why. We followed their instruction completely the first time and paid everything they requested (they should love us).

Now after reviewing this and other forums it has become more clear to us that some (not all) birthmothers/parents have influences including counselors that work for the attorney pushing or pressuring birthmothers into their decision. Would it be undermining the attorney to offer outside counseling? Would a birthmother feel we had overstepped our boundaries to even offer this?

I am getting the feeling that most agencies or attorneys are more concerned with the all mighty dollar and not a correct match. Unfortunately this seems to be the system like it or not. This is not about the money; it is about a correct match. As we all know there are many more adoptive families the birthparents. We are extremely honest (sometimes to a fault). We will not be strong armed by an agency. We are finding this to be a problem when selecting if we should use our previous attorney or not. We have interviewed many attorneys and agencies and found they are nearly the same.

We have finished our “dear birthparent letter” (although it is much different then our first (less fluff more facts). We have our “profile done and bound like a book to describe our family. But, for the first time we are feeling disconnected with the agency/attorney and would like to better connect with the birth mom/parents.

Of course this is not how the agencies seem to actually work (to benefit both partys). So I guess my question is, do we “play the game’ or “buck the system”?

Perhaps I’m venting as well as asking questions. Any feedback would be appreciated.

[BrandyHagz]

I think when it’s all said and done, you have to do what you feel comfortable doing and what makes you feel most comfortable in the situation.

My suggestion, however, would be to avoid using someone with questionable ethics and instead, find someone who completes the entire process above board. If they are being unethical in one portion of the process, I would be worried that their disregard for the law and the rights of others would translate into some sort of legal fiasco for the entire case.

I would be surprised if a professional who had some sort of racket going on to ensure placement would allow an uninvolved party to participate in any portion of the counseling that would normally be taking place.

Try to find someone who maintains a deep respect for all of those involved and has a high level of moral code when it comes to the law and completing adoptions.

Good luck!

[cetalley]

I am a firstmom, whom placed,1986. I am so humbled and happy to not only hear such compassion, and kindness, from parents wishing to adopt, but also from the new father to be. It means so much to Firstmoms& expecting moms, whom have placed or are lookinhg into placing. You and your darling wife, are extraordinary, I hope you get all that you seek. I had a horrible experience with the agency that I placed with. I am not going to burden you with the long horrific details, for that is not why you have come. I think it is absolutely a great idea to offer an outside source of counseling to any young mother looking into this option. You, the client calls the shots, you after all are the one paying the bills. I had NO counseling, and believe to this day the agency fed the parents of my twin sons, a completely different story, than the one I recieved. I do not know, but I have to believe this, it will keep me sane to do so. I have no experience on adopting a child and am sad I cannot help more. I just needed to tell you how touched I was as a firstmom, to see and know there are wonderful people, whom desire nothing more than to raise a child...AND to do so with compassion and morals towards the feelings of the child and their firstparents, but do not desire it more than the welfare of that childs mother! Good Luck, I sincerely hope you get all you desire...again Thank You!