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As an amom, I would say that the biggest obstacle has been just trying to build a genuine relationship with our son's bmom. By genuine, I mean honest, even if there are some ups and downs, not just polite, which we tend to be to each other. I don't mean I'm lying to her or anything like that, I just mean that right now it seems so forced and I'm hesitant to tell her anything that isn't completely positive about DS (like having problems sleeping through the night) because she immediately apologizes for it as if it's her fault and I don't want her to feel bad about anything (not that she should-our DS is worth ever second of every sleepless night).
Also, like 'lovmy2boys' explained, I would love to be able to be more comfortable talking with our son's bmom about all of our roles and defining our relationship. We know how often we'll visit (out of state adoption) and send pictures/letters, but, otherwise, there's been no talk about how often to talk, e-mail, etc. We have an OA and really want it to be open with frequent contact, but sometimes I feel like I'm reaching out a lot more than she is and sometimes I feel like I'm not reaching out enough. I've said that I'll "just talk to her about it" many times, but have discovered that's easier said than done. I just keep waiting for that "perfect" time to bring it up, but I don't think that perfect time is going to happen.
Our DS is only 5 mths. old, so I know our relationship is still developing, but it just feels so awkward. It also seems like we communicate so much better over e-mail and then, the minute we try to talk over the phone, it goes back to being awkward again. Sorry I've rambled too long probably-this topic has just been fresh in my mind lately.
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10-22-2008, 04:09 PM
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