[Janeytwo]

Hey Feelingreyt!

I felt uneasy after I posted to you last night; something was bothering me about my response.

So after I posted, I called a couple of people, including an old friend of mine from AA who told me that money is not given directly to people in jail anymore (kudos to Belle who is right on that).

Also she reminded me that addicts will find a way to get what they need if they really want it anyway (kudos to Raven).

So I think I'll reverse my opinion and say that if it makes you feel better and eases your mind, then why not go for it.

Sorry about the confusion.

Sometimes after all these years I still forget that ultimately whether we give someone money and they use it for drugs or not? Either way, that's their issue to address and not ours to bear.

Hugs to ya!

[lahdh4]

Yes, the pictures were from L. I haven't spoken to E and really need to give her a call, maybe this week. And unfortunately I know only too well when the 4th is and that is only because my birthday is the week before. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad.

Feeling: if you are comfortable with putting some money into her account then do it. I have been told that things in lock up are more expensive then on the outside. Not personal experience but I know.

[feelingreyt]

Well, I called the jail this morning and asked a few questions regarding the comminsary. I have decided to write her a letter and ask her if she owes the jail any monies for past visits. I found out that the money can go for Nurse visits and Dr's visits, so if she owes them any money they will just take what I put in there to pay the nurse. That is not what I want. I will send her a self addressed stamped envelope to mail me back with a response. The jail is in the same town as I am, so even with snail mail I can have her money in there by the end of the week if she is clear of any debt.
I want her to have money for what she may need or want, but I am not paying any old dr's bills for the county!

[thanksgivingmom]

I think that's a good call feeling

And again, we're thinking of you

[feelingreyt]

I just completed her letter. I told her that I wanted to put money in the comminsary but I didn't want it to be used for old debts for the nurse or dr. I wanted her to be able to actually use the money for extra things she wants and needs. I told her to find out and let me know. As soon as I hear back from her and she is debt free I will put $20 in there.
I also gave her an update on H and told her how much we all love her.
I gave her my numbers so she can call me if she needs anything. I know she has my numbers, but I also know she doesn't have them with her there. I gave her an envelope stamped and addressed to me with some paper inside. So hopefully I will hear from her soon.
I feel in my heart this is the right thing to do.
I also told her to use this time wisely. I reminded her of God's love and Grace and that HE is there for her, she just has to reach out to HIM.

[belleinblue1978]

Greyt,

I'm glad you found a solution that you are comfortable with.

I know this has been really tough for you and your capacity to love her, despite her mistakes... she's going to know it when she gets clean. You're a good person for doing this, I know too many people that have no one because the world turns their back on them. God bless you.

[kakuehl]

Greyt, I like your decision. Sometimes people really need to experience unconditional love. For some, I think that's why they turn to drugs... they are looking in the wrong place to fill what's missing in their lives!

[feelingreyt]

Thanks, belle and kakuehl. I really feel good about the decision.
I believe in J's situation she turned to drugs for a couple of different reasons. For one thing, it's all she knew. Her mom abused, possibly still does, so it's normal. She said her mom actually smoked pot with her when she was 12! Also, I believe she has a void in her heart that she just can't seem to fill, so she turns to drugs. It's sad, BUT she is an adult now and needs to get her act together, PERIOD!
I do love her and I want her to know that. I'm really looking forward to her response. I'm hoping she will call me when she gets the letter, that way I can get her some money in there ASAP.

[lahdh4]

Let's hope you hear from her quickly.

[thanksgivingmom]

Feeling, so glad to read that you came to a conclusion that works for you all. Please keep us updated!!

On a side note, I have a brother that was a heavy addict, and this was during the "tough love" movement. My Mom was told that's what "was best" - it was horrible. It's not what he needed and it's not what eventually cleaned him up.

There can be a fine line between enabling and providing that unconditional love - but I think you're doing a great job navigating it.

[feelingreyt]

Thanks everyone for supporting my decision. It does help to know that others agree with me!

TG, thanks for sharing your experience with your brother.
I know in J's situation, it breaks her heart that her family is "cutting the ties", so to speak. She understands, to a certain point(she's back in there for basically beating up her mom and pushing grandma. However, she wouldn't have done that if she wasn't on drugs), but it still hurts.

I don't believe I could ever stop being there for my kids, no matter what. BUT I've never been "there" so I refuse to pass judgement on anyone for that. There are some things that, unless you've been through it, you just can't say what you'd do. It would be so hard to support your child that steals from you, beats you up, stays zoned out for days, but I would imagine that it would be eqaully has hard to turn your back on them.

[thanksgivingmom]

Anytime Feeling, if you ever need to bounce anything off someone re: dealing with addiction feel free to PM or email me....my brother was an addict for most of my life so I've seen it through the eyes of a child, a teen, and as a grown adult. I (though I hate to admit this) have been the enabler and a complete fool too....it's so much harder than it looks sometimes....and I don't think anyone thinks it really looks "easy" - so there you have it.

And on a lighter note - how was everyone's 4th of July?

[Suziebearhugs]

I'm curious.

Anyone have their childrens adoptive or birthparents as friends on their facebook account?

I've been considering inviting some of their birth relatives to be friends on my account, but at the same time, I'm not sure if that would be too much closeness, since I usually update my facebook with little personal feelings of events each day.

Some of their relatives are listed as private but others are open. So I've been able to get a ton of pictures off of some extended relatives pages.

[quantum]

I have both my birthson and his adoptive mom as friends on my facebook. I must confess I freaked out a little when his amom asked to be my friend, but in the end I figured, this is who I am, if she can't cope with it, so be it. I don't really go around boasting a lot about my son on facebook, although if people ask who he is in pictures and so on, I absolutely say so.

I also have my mom and various other relatives on facebook, so I do behave myself somewhat! :-)

I guess you can really adjust privacy settings and so on, but I don't bother.

[KLL08]

As far as facebook--I would add our DD's birthfamily if they were on there, but I haven't seen them.

As far as our 4th of July--had a great time up with my family in Ohio. Unfortunately a lady ran a red light and T-boned our car. We are all ok, but our SUV had to stay in Ohio to get fixed So now we have a little rental and one sore Mommy. I'm very grateful I was able to stop when I did otherwise they would have hit DD's door and things would have been much worse. The paramedics check out DD first and said she was fine. And trying to find a rental on the 4th that we could bring home was a royal pain! But we are home and its back to work today.