[belleinblue1978]

Greyt,

Because they are kids and they are your family for better or worse.

I've reported people to DSS, if that is what you need to do in your heart, do it. You can do it anonymously.

It's so hard to know what the difference is between this is really an unsafe condition or is this just something that I perceive as "not good enough."

[feelingreyt]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

It's so hard to know what the difference is between this is really an unsafe condition or is this just something that I perceive as "not good enough."

You nailed it right there! That is my conflict.
I love the girls and I want so much more for them than what they are being given. BUT...
Are they safe? Probably(supervision has always been an issue).
Are they loved? Yes.
Do they deserve better? YES!

[lovemy2boys]

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE THUMBS DOWN GOT ON MY HEADER - LOL

(((feeling))) It is so hard, isn't it? The mess of emotions we all deal with...I think my OA New Years resolution is not to overthink things anymore. I kind of reached some clarity recently and am hoping I remain there for the most part.

We have one super fabulous OA. SUPER. One I've always DREAMED of. I say that with completely honesty and cannot imagine it getting better...and the awesome thing is that she feels the same way! She emailed me the other day and said that she loved me and that our family is great and that she has never been so happy...and if you KNEW her, you'd know that this is absolutely unbelievable..

We have one new OA that is moving in a really nice direction. We are getting to know each other...we are communicating...we are all happy with how things are going, but are cautious because it is so new.

We have one OA that is what it is. Completely one sided - on our side...She asks little to nothing about our son, but mostly sees me as a girlfriend to chat with about nonsense...and the other day when I put my little guy on the phone to talk to her, it lasted about a minute and a half, and in midsentence, he handed me the phone and said she needed to talk to me again...When we get together, it's mostly a fun night/day out for her, while I'm looking out for her other son. For some reason, she'd rather make the relationship a friendship with us as opposed to a relationship about our son...and now that she's leaving the country, I don't see things getting better.

The last one...well, it was one of those OA's where he comes around once a year or so...and on Christmas I said that I hoped to hear from him. Well, we didn't hear FROM him, but we heard ABOUT him just yesterday...and I don't know what to do with this new information. I'm really confused...I dare NOT talk to anyone IRL about it...because first of all, it's not their business, and second of all, I know exactly what people's reaction will be and I don't want to defend ourselves if we all continue with the OA...But I don't know how to proceed. I don't know if what he's done SHOULD be a factor in our OA...even though I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if it was anyone else in our life...friend, family, whatever...I would not expose my kids to this...but if we only see someone once or twice a year, and only for an hour at that, would it affect our son more to NOT have that relationship with him? I don't know...

Anyway, even though it doesn't seem like it, I am going into 2009 in a better, more optimistic place than ever.

May we all find peace in the New Year!

[feelingreyt]

Lovemy2boys,

I'm so gald you have reached some clarity regarding your OA's. That is an accomplishment that I dream of reaching some day.

About the bfather that you recieved new info on....That is a tough situation. After much thought and consideration I'm sure you and dh will reach a decision on what to do.
Sometimes not doing anything is the thing to do. Continue on with the way things are going and hope that the one or two hrs a year your son spends with him will be enough to help your son, but not enough to be harmful.

As far as your son's bmom wanting to be your friend and not interact with ds much is kinda where we were with my son's bmom. Except I was more like a Mother figure instead of a friend and it was always about what I could DO for her and her mom. NOT about a relationship between her and ds. That really bothers me. THAT hurts me, for him. I know you understand that completely.

I hope in your situation that your ds's bmom will atleast spend some quality time with him before she leaves the Country. Who knows, this may be her last chance for years to come, and possibly even forever.

[lovemy2boys]

Thanks feeling...Although it stinks that you have to go through it, it's nice to have someone who can relate...

And if D wasn't leaving, I'd probably try to work through some of the kinks we have with phone calls and visits...but she IS leaving, and I really want to enjoy our time together (which will be Saturday)...

I WILL tell her, though, that since she is going to be so far away, that she NEEDS to send AJ something once in a while...An email, a letter, a card, some pics...SOMETHING. That he's old enough now that she should have SOME contact with him and not just me...

But it will ultimately be her choice whether or not she follows through. All I can hope is that at some point, something I say, or something AJ says will resonate.

But if not, well, such is life.

SERIOUSLY - WHAT'S WITH THESE THINGS POPPING UP IN MY TITLE? LOL AM I HITTING SOMETHING ACCIDENTALLY?

[belleinblue1978]

GRRRR it is snowing so hard here that you can't even see across the freaking street. No way we can leave town. It's a three hour drive to where we were meeting.

Where kiddo lives there is freezing rain and ice and snow starting, they shouldn't be driving either.

I know this can happen in SD in winter, but darn it.

[lovemy2boys]

Aww belle - that stinks...Really bad. For some reason I thought you all lived closer to each other...And I know you wanted to get together because you were on vacation (at least I THINK that's what I remembered)...

We're expecting ice storms tonight, so I am a bit worried about D coming over...I want to make sure she's not stuck driving home in bad weather...We are going to make Build A Bears - lol.

This is our last opportunity because she leaves in 10 days...

[belleinblue1978]

I only live about two hours from them... I'm at mom and dad's though and they are about four hours away. We meet in Mitchell usually b/c mom and dad can pick me up on the way through.

South Dakota.... it is clearing up here now, but it was moving east, so the drive would have been awful, just not worth risking it.

[billysmommy]

Sorry to hear about your visit belle.......

We spent 2 days after Xmas visiting my kids first mom, brother, grandma and great-gran. They usually travel to visit us (we live about 2 1/2 hours apart), but for the first time in 7 years we went to them. The kids really enjoyed themselves, especially seeing their brother - they haven't seen him in almost 3 years. The visit itself was everything we hoped it would be. DH and I went out to a dinner theater the first night and the kids stayed with Great-Gran.
I have a lot of emotions that I am still working through about different things. In the big picture, I like to think we have this ideal open adoption - and really, we do. We all get along perfectly, we enjoy each other's company, we all love the children and each other, so why do I feel like I am looking for things to be wrong when maybe they aren't really..........

[belleinblue1978]

What a great trip, I'm glad you had such a good time!

It's not looking good for the morning either. The wind is blowing a million miles an hour still. The sky is clear but there is enough snow that.... ugh...

Anyway, I needed the vacation, so no big deal, but this is really bumming me out b/c these visits are work to plan and I wanted to see my kid.

I did talk to him on the phone though and he told me he got Transformers for Christmas. I told him I used to play with Transformers when I was little and he informed me that "I am four, and that is my age." I told mom and she said "gee I wonder where he gets that".

[lahdh4]

Belle, sorry to hear that your visit didn't happen.
I finally mailed out Supergirl's presents on Friday. It is really hard to find stuff when you don't have any ideas to go on!!!!!! It just ticks me off to no end!!

[belleinblue1978]

UGH I don't blame you at all.

We ended up going today. South Dakota weather is nuts sometimes. It was cold but the wind wasn't blowing as hard so no ground blizzard.

We went to lunch and then over to a Home Depot like store b/c I am working on my house and I told Kiddo I needed a "man's opinion" on flooring. His dad laughed at that and he looked confused. Anyway, it was a good time.

[lovemy2boys]

BELLE!

I was just on another thread and read that you saw your kiddo today, and had to jump over here and say YAY!

So what type of flooring did he pick? I'm thinking something in a Lightning McQueen pattern?

lahdh4:

I know you already sent off supergirls gift, but what about some art supplies for the next holiday/bday? You mentioned an art project your dd did for you...They have some really fab papers, stamps, inks, stickers, etc. in the scrapbook section of Michaels and JoAnns...

You can get a really nice box with her name painted on it and put the supplies in the box...That way everything is right in there, and when the supplies are gone, she can put things in boxes. Or you can purchase a scrapbook (they have some really cute ones) and do the first page...like maybe just paste her picture on it and write To: supergirl Love: lahdh and the date...then let her do her own pages to stick in the remainder of the book. My boys are 5 and 7 and they LOVE cutting, stamping, etc. and have made their own scrapbooks with spare pics we have around the house.

Admittedly, as the mom of 2 boys, I'm rusty on girlie things. But if all else fails, I hear Disney princesses are popular!

We got together with D yesterday. I must admit that her 2 year old is a TERROR - lol - and had my kids running for their lives the entire day...But at least AJ got to see her before she leaves.

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by lovemy2boys

So what type of flooring did he pick? I'm thinking something in a Lightning McQueen pattern?

.

ROFL no, the UBER expensive New Yankee Workshop flooring, lol.

He did tell me that perhaps I need Hot Wheels wallpaper in my living room and if you need carpet nails... that kid can find them.

I'm glad AJ got see his bmom.

Speaking of terror kids, we were in WalMart the other day and this kid was running up and down the aisle and my mom turned her cart across and the kid bounced off it. Thank goodness, because if that wouldn't have stopped him I would have with some technique from my job.

[feelingreyt]

Belle,
I'm so glad you were able to have a visit with your son!