[lahdh4]

Tammy, I argree with TG. After a visit I need a check in with my therapist or someone else to get me grounded. A number of times I don't remember the drive home. I am usually good for a few days but then the emotions hit BIG time and I just need to take care of me for a bit before I can do anything else. I don't pester them right after a visit. I usually wait about 2 weeks or so.

I still won't do a face-to-face. Right now this will only be done by phone. My luck with face to face has not had a great track record. Heck I still cannot send a note to Thank them for the last 2 batch of pictures that she sent.

[finallyamom0310]

So here is a question for all of you: How often is too often to communicate? I have had a busy week with BMom and there have been at least four emails, one text each and one voicemail that I responded to via email as it was 5 am. I had just emailed yesterday (twice) but almost called her too. In the voice mail she left me she mentioned that she was off from work yesterday so that gave me the idea that maybe I should call while on my way home. I didn't call because I thought it would be too much in one day. What do you think? How often do you communicate when things are good?

[taramayrn]

That's not too much for me. The more communication the better.

Anyways - have some super exciting news to share with you all!!!!!

C, my hubby and bdad for those who don't know, emailed J(adad) to ask when they wanted to get together next and J suggested T(bson) come for a sleepover at our house before baby comes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[feelingreyt]

Originally Posted by taramayrn

That's not too much for me. The more communication the better.

Anyways - have some super exciting news to share with you all!!!!!

C, my hubby and bdad for those who don't know, emailed J(adad) to ask when they wanted to get together next and J suggested T(bson) come for a sleepover at our house before baby comes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is awsome!! I can only imagine how thrilled you and dh are! I'm very happy for you.

[lovemy2boys]

Tara, has T. spent the night before? How did this come about, if you don't mind my asking?

I would feel totally comfortable with JD spending time alone with C, and eventually when he's older, if it's something they both want him to spend the night, then that will be great. (Not quite so comfortable with AJ, because of some choices regarding safety that D makes.)

Now, that's how I feel, DH is not quite as open to things like this as I am, but we're working on him slowly but surely...

Anyway, I see your son is 8...is this something you all discussed prior to placement, and if not, who broached the subject? I think I'd have to be the one who would do so, as C is not QUITE comfortable yet requesting things that "big"...

Anyway, not trying to be nosy, just wondering if you'd be willing to share...

[aclee]

tara-
THAT sounds like so much fun!

Mike and I were talking about this yesterday...we are really hoping that our visit to St. Louis in October (that's when we're hoping it will be, we have to hear back from M) will go well. We're nervous because we'll be meeting a lot of her family, and the rest of Ty's birth siblings etc. We hope to meet R's family too, but we'll have to see where he is at with telling them about Tyler. Anyway, DH was nervous if they asked for Ty to sleep over at their house while we were there. I said it wasn't something I was comfortable with this time, because he's still so little (he wakes up at night sometimes now and he upset and screaming and it just a lot to deal with) but at future visits I think that would be great.

I think time like that with bparents would be so wonderful for a kid!

[feelingreyt]

Originally Posted by finallyamom0310

So here is a question for all of you: How often is too often to communicate? I have had a busy week with BMom and there have been at least four emails, one text each and one voicemail that I responded to via email as it was 5 am. I had just emailed yesterday (twice) but almost called her too. In the voice mail she left me she mentioned that she was off from work yesterday so that gave me the idea that maybe I should call while on my way home. I didn't call because I thought it would be too much in one day. What do you think? How often do you communicate when things are good?

Finally,
As long as you are both comfortable and happy with this much communication, then it can only be a good thing!
I would just make sure that if the communication slowed down due to schedules and timing, I'd let bmom know. That way she doesn't think that she did anything wrong. KWIM?
I think it's awsome you have such a wonderful relationship with her!

[taramayrn]

Hey Love -
Well yes, T is 8 almost 9 and we have a very relaxed comfy relationship. Anyways, his older sister E recently stayed with her bmom for a few days over the summer and adad J said "That got me thinking that maybe Tom should have a sleep over at your place before the baby comes. It'll be a lot more difficult to do that type of thing once you have a little one of your own." Really it's just a natural progression in our relationship, I see it as that anyways.
No I don't think we talked about it prior to placement. How old are your boys again? Certainly we would have never suggested this earlier than this year and even this year we weren't sure if it was appropriate to ask or not. If things continued to go well in a few years I'm sure it would have come up from us.

[lovemy2boys]

My boys are young still - 4 1/2 and 6 1/2...

JD's firstmom, C, had asked prior to his birth if they'd ever be able to take him on their own to the park, or for the day or what have you (well, her mom actually asked). We were honest and told them that we just couldn't answer that at the time, but it was not something we were saying no to forever...We told them that we'd like to take things as they come, and in the future, we'd be open to talking about it...They were thankful that we were honest and said they completely understood...Well, that was almost 5 years ago, and we've got something pretty special going on...

I think it would be nice if she were able to take JD to the park, or lunch or something really special since he's home all day now without AJ. He is pretty shy though, and I don't know if he'd be receptive to going on his own - his brother is sort of his security blanket, but I'd like the time to be just JD and C...but then again, I don't want to "push" her into anything if she's not ready...

Maybe I'll ease it in slowly to see how she feels...and to see how he feels...Any advice?

[taramayrn]

I think like you said, see how things go, let the relationship progress. For us it started off slow - Amom would run to the store while we were visiting and we'd stay home with T or we'd go to the park while they'd be at the house. But you know even for us, who we've had very little problems, this didn't start until he was at least 6. But I think the thing for us, both parties, was to just let things flow, no pressure. While there were times I wanted to ask, it just didn't feel right you know?
But, bottom line, if you aren't comfortable you aren't comfortable.
The thing that probably brought this suggestion forward was that T's older sister has recently started spending time on her own with her birthfamily. So I can see T asking to do the same.

[thanksgivingmom]

Tara, congratulations!!! That IS exciting news!!

[taramayrn]

Thanks so much - we're thrilled!!

[thanksgivingmom]

Of course you are! It's so exciting!!!!

I'm looking forward enough to having a visit on my home turf!! (Hang out at a park by my place, maybe even see where I actually live - not alone or anything ) So I can only imagine how awesome this is! And it's so wonderful the way it was brought up and that everyone's on board - I am so thrilled to see how your OA just IS. You know? I'm sure it took lots of work and patience and it was a long road to get to where you and C are today, but I'm just so glad to see it working out for everyone!

PS Is T excited about the baby? What are his thoughts on that?

[taramayrn]

We've been really patient over the years letting them lead the way and letting us know what they are comfortable. This is what I hoped for our relationship in the beginning and it just took a while. There was a time when I wasn't sure if it would ever happen, but it has and wow, it's so great.

As for T, you know, I don't know if he's excited or not. He seemed rather uninterested when I told them, but maybe once we see him this time, since the last time I saw him was in May, he might be more excited or have more questions. I am sure his parents have had a few conversations with him about it.

That's the thing with him - he's never really asked alot of questions just seems to be okay with everything. Now maybe we're in for a rough time, but so far he seems very comfortable and has flourished in our open adoption.

I am so excited for you about a visit around your place. It is so neat. Hey, have you done any knitting recently? Talked to anyone about those cute little cupcakes?

[taramayrn]

Oh, my mom turned me onto this awesome knitting site, let me know if you'd like to join. If anyone else is interested let me know....