[susie_book]

Just found out that we may not be able to attend the kid's first birthday party. =/ We are invited, and while we don't really want to go, it seems important that we do-and now my husband has found out that he may have to work just because no one is allowed to ask for time off in December. Hopefully he won't be scheduled, or will be able to trade shifts with someone, but it's really discouraging. I worry that it makes us look like the stereotypical "flaky" birthparents; "Oh, now they might not even come!"

[belleinblue1978]

Susie,

There are things you can't help and no matter what people think, first parents go on to have busy and fulfilling lives. We don't stop and focus on just that child because we can't, it would eat us alive.

Work is work, you have to have an income.

[lovemy2boys]

Susie, TOTALLY not flaky.

I also have a DH who is not allowed to miss a day between Thanksgiving and Christmas (in fact, when we brought our kids home, both in December, my DH had to wait until after the holidays to take time off like he wanted to!)

Anyway, to get back to the "flaky", haha.

Last Thanksgiving, for the first time ever, we met my oldest sons' birthfather and his family. This was HUGE! We started as a closed adoption, and here was this wonderful opportunity...They made a stop to MI before moving to HI for the military, which means we are limited in our opportunities to get together, at least for the next 4 years.

Anyway, my point? My DH stayed for 20 minutes. Had to leave. He had to work. It was unfortunate because this was a big day for us, but it is what it is.

What about asking them if you can get together for lunch one day? Explain the situation, but say you really want to get together for the birthday, if it's something you want to do.

Either way, try not to let it get you down. We all do what we can, ya know?

[susie_book]

Thanks for the support, belle and lovemy--my plan is to mail Cricket's birthday present tomorrow (actually schlepped all the way to the post office today without remembering that it's a holiday!) and then see what his parents would most like to do. I might try to go alone, but it's three hours away, and I'd have to take a train...well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

[belleinblue1978]

Susie,

I would suggest that you suggest another day that is more conveniant for you.... well give them a few days to choose from. One of the fallacies in OA is that the aparents are the only ones that get to have boundaries and conditions.

NOT TRUE! You do too, and you aren't a flake for it either.

[feelingreyt]

Susie,

I agree that you should call them and ask for the birthday visit to be on a different day. Explain the situation to them. Surely they will understand and know you are not just being flaky! Work is work! Everyone has to make a living!!!

Good luck to you.

[thanksgivingmom]

Susie - I was potentially supposed to have a visit this weekend. But I just got back from vacation and have to move my entire apartment in the next two days. Bottom line? I couldn't do it.

Like Belle says, we get to have needs and boundaries and priorities too.


Life happens - it happens to aparents all the time - and that's okay. But that means it also has to be okay when life happens to us.

(((((hugs))))))

[KLL08]

Susie, as an amom, I would completely understand and I wouldn't think you were being flaky! Work happens, life happens. I hope they are understanding and you will get to visit on another day!

[KLL08]

We are getting close to S's bday party!! "A" has already texted to see what size clothes she's in, she always picks out the cutest outfits for her. I've kept all of them and plan on putting them in her box of all things adoption related for when she's older.

I'm thinking about a special gift for "A" for S's birthday. The party is a week early, but on her bday I know A has taken the day off and I was thinking of a photo book?? We send monthly pictures and I try to put all the pictures we take on a CD, and print off 10-15 for her, so I don't really know if I'd have any pictures to put in there she hasn't seen. Should I do that or maybe a charm bracelet and we can send charms as S has special events? I don't know what to do her bday is so close to Christmas...any ideas?

[susie_book]

Thanks, everyone--I'm writing that email now, so we'll see how it goes. TGM, so glad to see you back! =)

[belleinblue1978]

Oh I totally love the charm bracelet idea! I'd adore something like that. I have a Mother's ring that I bought myself and I wear it everyday, in fact it is the only jewelry I wear. Point being, sentimental stuff is great.

[belleinblue1978]

Suzie, let us know how it goes! I'm sure it will be fine!

[thanksgivingmom]

I too think that the charm bracelet is a VERY cool idea! They make so many charms that it would be easy to get ones that highlight important events in DD's life!

[lahdh4]

susie, hope it goes well.

[susie_book]

I have an update. =) After I got back from mailing Cricket's birthday gift, I got an email from his mom telling me that any day we can visit that week would be great, and not to stress about it. Woohoo!

I'm a bit late, but I too love the idea of a charm bracelet.