[DancinBear63]

Hi,
I recently started a thread about so-called 'legal risk' placements, and wanted to hear what people had experienced. DH and I were told that we would have difficulty matching if we requested cradle care, as (our SW feels) families that choose to place want to avoid any type of foster care.

My concern is that the information that I received was overwhelmingly one-sided. I was hoping to learn if families who had chosen to place felt that their decisions were limited by direct placement with potential adoptive families, or if they would have preferred using cradle care to have time to think about their decision. Similarly, I'd like to know if what my SW said is accurate, and that first families prefer to have the potential a-parents care for the children while they make their decision.

We'd appreciate any thoughts that you may have!

[Emberbit]

I was looking for an open relationship but I had considered agencies. I would not have even considered a family that did not want to take care of the baby for the few days that were legal risk. In PA, the b-mom signs after 72 hours and it’s revocable for 30 days after signing (that could be wrong…but that’s my understanding). I looked for parents that wanted to be there for the birth, in the hospital. Baby and I both left the hospital 24 hours after the delivery…and she went home with her parents pretty much immediately. She was home for 2 days by the time I signed TPR. Cradle care? Foster care for my baby? Never. If cradle care was the only option available…I don’t know what I would have done. Probably kept her with me until I could sign TPR and hand her over to her a-parents myself.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I was adamant that my daughter could not/would not/should not go to any type of foster care. That was in 2003 with a fully open adoption being planned.

[JustPeachy]

I did not have the option of having my child go to the paps prior to TPR, nor could I bring him home, so cradle care was my only option. I wish at the time there was the option for him to go directly to his aparents, and would have chosen this if I could have.

[paigeturner]

Over 25 years ago, with a fully closed adoption, I was adamant that my son NOT be placed in any type of foster care as well. I found out last year when I got my non-ID information that he spent 4 days in cradle care until I went to court. That mad me cry; then I raged. Oh the lies that agencies tell...

[Tazer]

Originally Posted by paigeturner

Over 25 years ago, with a fully closed adoption, I was adamant that my son NOT be placed in any type of foster care as well. I found out last year when I got my non-ID information that he spent 4 days in cradle care until I went to court. That mad me cry; then I raged. Oh the lies that agencies tell...

I faced the exact same thing almost 23 years ago when my daughter was placed. I was not only adamant that she not be in foster care but also that she be the first to leave the hospital just in case something "went wrong" before the A-parents arrived to get her I could be there for her. I remember the social worker from the agency writing all of this down while smiling and promising me this would happen. On the day before my discharge they brought her in for her normal feeding, allowed my parents to take and pose for photo's of her and told me to dress her in the outfit my Mom brought for her to "go home" in. I have pictures of me doing this on Jan.5th. I never saw her again and I was released on Jan.6th

When we reunited I was made privy to her complete file from the agency by a friend. Upon reading it I discovered she didn't even leave the hospital until Jan.9th and went directly to foster care and stayed there for 22 days! She was kept in the hospital because she had Jaundice and I was never told. Every nurse's note about her care as well as my concerns about her leaving first were in there. It even stated that there were 4 other kids in the foster home and this was their 1st newborn placement. There was never a "court" anything in our case I signed all of the papers 7 days after I was discharged at the agency with the same smiling social worker who assured me that baby and A-parents were all doing fine. In truth, they'd never seen her yet. I had to sign more documents after 30 days.
I can accept that maybe policy dictated some sort of foster placement but why the secrecy and lies??? Tracy

[paigeturner]

Tazer

Your post makes me so sad. I’ve been pissed off about the 4 days in cradle care since I found out. I can’t imagine the sorrow I would feel in your shoes – 22 days! What frustrated me the most, reading the social worker’s notes, was that the aparents had arrived in town before we left the hospital, but didn’t want to “put their hearts on the line” in case I had a change of heart prior to TPR. I haven’t had the opportunity to meet them yet and may never have the chance, but I’ve had to work hard to get passed the notion that these people that I entrusted to parent, love and nurture my son would leave him in foster care for even a minute to protect themselves. As painful as it would have been, I would have taken care of him for those 4 days. I would have cherished every second and then still relinquished. But, the agency clearly had a different agenda and caring for the well-being of the first mother and child wasn’t it.

[DancinBear63]

Thank you SO much for your honest answers! I cannot begin to tell you how moved I have been by what you've shared so far.

[taramayrn]

Cradle care - was offered as a last resort to me by my agency. I'm glad though because I would have done anything to keep my babe out of cradle care while I picked a family or signed TPR.

[aclee]

We were required to use Cradle Care in Missouri. There was some legal stuff that happened, so I'm not sure if we had to use cradle care only to establish county (we wanted to change counties from the one Tyler was born in) or if we had to. I know he HAD to go there to change jurisdiction or we would have been in Missouri for over a month (the jurisdiction he was in took 4-6 weeks to get a court date...they did not feel that aparents should be in state for an adoption till the court had assigned a date) I know that M REALLY wanted us there before they were discharged because she wanted us to take Ty home with us right away. i woul dhave loved that too, but spending 4-6 weeks waiting for a court date wasn't something we could afford, or that M wanted for us either. Her TPR (which wasn't even signed yet) was revokable till we went to court. In the end, she signed 1-2 days after discharge (can't remember) and that was revokable till we went to court which was Thursady AM (M and Ty were discharged Monday evening) so Ty spend 3 nights in cradle care without us. We were with him from at leat 9-9 everyday, but not allowed to spend the night. We met her at the hospital because that seemed important to her (and the Utah hospital kept yelling in our ear...DON'T LET HER TAKE THE BABY HOME! Yuck.) By the time she was discharged, she understood he couldn't go with us, but kept saying she was sorry...she really wished we could have taken him right home. The social worker talked with her about taking him home herself if she was unsure about him going to cradle care and she really didn't want to because none of their family, friends or children knew about Ty yet. I think part of her disapointment was from talking with the agency in UT, where the adoptive family has the baby right away and takes them to the hotel at discharge (because in UT the birth mother signs at 24 hours)...so that was what she was expecting. Once she realized we fully planned to spend as much time there as possible and he wasn't going there to be alone till we "were sure he was ours" she felt better. Most days we were ringing their bell at 7:45 and leaving at close to 10...I set my alarm to wake us up 2X a night so I could call and check on him even. So even though he was in cradle care, and that wasn't ideal...we made it work She even joked at court that we had the easiest first 3 nights of parenting ever heard of!

[taramayrn]

Thanks for sharing your experience Aclee. I can't believe the hospital staff would have the nerve to say that to you. Ugh.

[aclee]

Sorry, that was the UT agency that said that..TYPO! they called like every hour after it was legal for M to sign and asked if she signed yet. I started ignoring their calls...it was a huge bummer to deal with.

[taramayrn]

Even bigger UGH

[MkMw]

Our sons' birthmother too was adamant about them spending no time in foster care. Even knowing that it was unlikely she didn't like even the possibility of them being split up. She signed when they were 16 days old, then had 60 days to revoke for any reason - followed by 2 months to tpr B-dad. It was stressful for all of us - but the boys were all of our priority.

DD's b-Mom made an adoption plan with an agency immediatly post birth to avoid foster care. DD would have automatically gone into the system had she not.

[belleinblue1978]

I was in foster care for five weeks before I came home with my mom and dad. My middle brother was in a foster home for two months. I don't feel that it adversely affected my bonding with mom and dad and they will tell you the same thing.

Personally, I'm glad that my firstmom had those five weeks to consider what she truly wanted to do.

My son was in NICU for six weeks before he went home with his adoptive parents. Sometimes I wish I would have had some time with him in cradle care, because I feel that I could have made a clearer choice on his adoptive parents. There is a story there, I'm not going to go into it, suffice it to say I wasn't comfortable but he was already with them.