[paigeturner]

Unbelievably cruel. I am so sorry. I just don't have words.

[browneyes0707]

(((((LEIGH)))))

I am so sorry for you and Supergirl. Neither of you deserve this.

[RobinKay]

How selfish--and not thinking of this child at all. Will be praying for you.

[Suziebearhugs]

I'm sorry your going through this right now.

It sounds like they were doing a lot of thinking over those 3 months and this wasn't an easy decision for them. It's also a hard thing to have to say to someone. So they probably avoided it for as long as they could. Maybe hoping their feelings would change.

Hopefully this isn't the final decision .

Maybe you can write them (not asking for visits) just asking them what their concerns were, how your DD was acting differently and if it was because of anything you did or said(not saying it is).

I hope you all can work this out.

[powderpiggy]

I am so sorry. I can't imagine how this must feel. My thoughts are with you and supergirl.

[bromanchik]

Isn't there anyone that can mediate, or educate, these adoptive parents? It could be they were just threatened. I have seen this happen a lot at Supergirl's age. Your daughter is starting to understand who you are and that scares them. 3 or 4. I have seen it in at least two-thirds of the OA's I have worked with.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

[lahdh4]

Originally Posted by bromanchik

Isn't there anyone that can mediate, or educate, these adoptive parents? It could be they were just threatened. I have seen this happen a lot at Supergirl's age. Your daughter is starting to understand who you are and that scares them. 3 or 4. I have seen it in at least two-thirds of the OA's I have worked with.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

We have tried. More than once. They did this before and I didn't see her for over a year!!
We had the meeting and all that came out of it --even after I expressed that I felt that this was going into a semi-open, -- was that they were "too busy" and I would have to get the ball rolling for visits.

[SchmennaLeigh]

I am so sorry, Leigh. Though I love how the questions are automatically "what did you do wrong." Ugh.

Can you do something good and safe for yourself during this time? Can you take a weekend trip to just "be" for a few days? Clear your head or something? Sometimes getting away, even when my own house is not causing the stress, is what helps me get through strange periods of blindeded transition.

I wish I could do more or offer more.

[Suziebearhugs]

I only mentioned asking (if it was anything she did or said) as a way to open communication with them and put in back on the adoptive parents shoulders to say "exactly" what they are not happy with in regards to their daughter being weirded out and if there is anything they feel could be done differently (on their part or hers) to try and make things more comfortable for their dd.

I'm not trying to imply their decision had anything to do with the birthmother. More than likely it has to do with the adoptive parents comfort level or just the natural changes a child that age experiences.

I also know that this age between 3-4 can bring out different behaviours in a child. I remember when my daughter turned 3 she started acting different around her birthfamily too, she is now 4 and many of those behaviours (shyness) is now going away(her birthfamily may not have even noticed what I had noticed). My son who is 3 was the most outgoing and happy baby in the world. He used to call out for attention everywhere we went. But now that he is 3 I'm also noticing some shyness behaviours in him in regards to his birthfamily (not really anyone else). His grandma has noticed it as well. She's even asked if anything was wrong with him the last several times we've visited. So his change in behaviour is more noticable.

It's possible the adoptive parents are noticing changes in their childs behavior that are legitimate as well(even if others are not). That doesn't mean that the birthmother has done anything wrong. It may just be her age.

But talking about it and asking questions might get the adoptive parents to be more open about what their concerns are and how they can be addressed. Rather than stopping visits as the only action taken.

[lahdh4]

The only thing I did wrong was to keep up with my end of the agreement. I showed up on time for visits. This is not the first time they have broken theirs.
I am trying, Jenna, really trying. Ofcourse I have to put on the "face" and go to work since I cannot afford to take time off.
Nothing during the visit was off with Supergirl. She acted like she always does.

[paigeturner]

Leigh,

I wish there was more that I could say to help you, but I just want you to know that you've been in my thoughts these past couple of days.

Even after all the years I've read these forums, I am stunned at the selfish behavior some aparents display.

I will send all my good thoughts your way in hopes that supergirl's parents come to their senses.

[josh1788smom]

I am so sorry Leigh. Unfortunately, fear makes people do weird things. Unfortunately, people do cruel things and justify them every single day.

Take time for you. It is so not fair, but you thinking this is your deficiency is not fair either. You are too good a person, too loving and caring about supergirl and others, to let someone's callous actions bring you down, even though I know it is natural to grieve.

I guess the only thing you can hope is the pain lessens, and eventually the truth will come out. How unfair to keep you from Supergirl, based on whatever "they" are feeling.

I am so sorry!!!! We are here for YOU!!!!

[crick]

I'm really sorry to hear this. I had been hoping the latest visit and communications were the start of change for you all.

((HUGS))

[thanksgivingmom]

Leigh, I know you know I've written about this, thought about this, been stuck on this ever since the first text (I didn't know for sure, but I feared something like this) and STILL I sit just stunned.




For others interested in the whole "fear" issue at this age, I think there are some good and interesting discussions going on in Blogland. I'd start here: Lurking in the darkness — a birth mother! | this woman's work and then read this one “A statement of fear or a statement of fact?” | this woman's work

Not necessarily easy to read - meaning it's written well but brings up some thoughts - but good stuff.

[taramayrn]

LEIGH - I haven't read the whole thread yet, but OMG I am so sorry....you have every right to be angry.