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#1
06-24-2008, 08:01 PM
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Being Friends with your Child's other mother
I ran across this great blog post by Coley - Open Adoption, Adoption Openness, Adoption Contact - Being Friends with my Son's Mom
It got me thinking and wondered - if you weren't connected by adoption would you be friends with your child's other mother?
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Tara May Open Adoption Birthmother to T. February 13, 2000 Forum Moderator of the: Unplanned Pregnancy Forums   Check out my blog and read the progress of "The Little One" www.taramayrn.wordpress.com 
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#2
06-24-2008, 10:37 PM
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My children were adopted thru foster care so I don't think I ever would have even ran accross my children's bio parents. As for being friends, I can't say that I would be friends with Bear's mother because she is 17, and has been hard enough as a 37 year old to try to make it work as is. I think the age difference plays a big factor since I am older than her own mother. As for Bear's mother, I doubt it because there is definately a different set of morals and values in place. Maybe the age there too...24 as oppsed to my 37. I remember when I was 24...and I didn't have any of the issues she is dealing with...I never would have fathomed being friends with someone that "old".
But, foster/adopt definately is a different world than private adoption so I would like to think that there would be the possibility for a friendship outside of the adoption.
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Because God had bigger plans for me than I had for myself! Kaiter-Bug...step daughter Boo-Bear...step daughter Bug-a-boo...3 year old A-son...adopted 12/30/05 Koda-Bear...3 year old A-son...adopted 6/2/06
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#3
06-25-2008, 06:02 AM
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No I wouldn't. I just wouldn't.
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Just a woman trying to make her way in the world. First mom to the amazing kiddo and daughter to two amazing moms. Musings of a Crazed Belle 7-9&10-2008 Mom and I remodel my bedroom. Why can't anything in this house be on the plumb? 7-22-2008 Dad gets a defibulator put in, I'm sure he'll be showing everyone the bump for months, but no fishing for four weeks. 8-5-2008 A month since I talked to B and he hasn't called me back. Why am I not surprised? 8-9-2008 Liz the kitty comes to live with me. Now my house won't be so empty. 8-19-2008 I get contacts again (YAY) my teeth cleaned (YAY) and a cracked tooth repaired (BOO). The cracked tooth is from work, man I love my job. 9-9-2008 My schedule at work goes back to "regular" overnights, thank goodness, I was on my last legs there for a minute or two. 10-4-2008 Visited with Kiddo and his parents. My folks and I met them for a few hours and it was great.
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#4
06-25-2008, 07:46 AM
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I don't know yet. I haven't met her, though I'd like to. From what I do know of her, I think we would get along, but I cannot say for sure if we'd be friends unless and until I actually meet her.
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#5
06-25-2008, 07:49 AM
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I am friends with DD's birth mom. But without DD, I don't think we would have been because of a gynormous age difference (unfortunately, I am much older!).
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#6
06-25-2008, 08:07 AM
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Quote:
I long for it. I have always hope we'd be friends. I thought that there was a big possibility of it based on our initial connection. With both women I felt (and they stated) a close bond from the beginning. I even talked a little yesterday in my blog about how hard it is because things haven't happened that way. Both women are very important to me and I have always hoped (still do) that someday we would be close.
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Tammy
Momma to Two Great Kids!!!!
... and considering foster care
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#7
06-25-2008, 08:13 AM
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Unfortunately, I doubt it. She and I have so little in common that it's unlikely we would ever have run across each other without the adoption.
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#8
06-25-2008, 08:17 AM
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There's a significant age difference between me and Cupcake's Mom, I suppose (nearly 20 years or so?). But in truth she's only a few years older than my oldest brother so to me the age difference doesn't seem very strange as I'm friends with my brothers and their friends.
I don't know where or how we would have met without Cupcake but I think that we would get along even without Cupcake to talk about. At out last visit Cupcake was playing around "exploring" and D and I talked about television shows we both enjoy, our jobs, relationships, etc. I guess I hope that the answer is yes because then I think the whole relationship will go better from here on out.
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Thanksgivingmom "GLOSS OVER THE COMPETITION" - VOTE TG IN '08 Community Moderator Safe Haven First Mom in an Open Adoption Blogger: I Should Really Be Working 
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#9
06-25-2008, 09:11 AM
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We shared many similar likes and interests so, if we had met each other outside the adoption world, I assume we would have/could have been friends as well.
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    Nine months of breastfeeding! (and still going!!) Jenna
 Mom to two boysI'm now a blogger for Adoption.com! Come read! http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com
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#10
06-25-2008, 09:51 AM
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I am 24 years older than my son's first mom. Yow-za. That makes me feel ancient. but we have so much in common, which is why she chose us as parents. She has said she thinks of me kind of like an older sister. Anbd that's very much how I feel toward her. not motherly, but like an aunt or an older sister. If we had been the same age I think we'd be great friends who loved each other but fought a lot!! She is a bit of a diva, bless her, and I always had close and volitile relationships with those types of girls.
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#11
06-25-2008, 10:22 AM
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With Em, yes. I knew her Mother, she is the cousin of my previous best friend of like 20 yrs. I watched her grow up from a distance and felt so sorry for her life. I have always gravitated towards young girls or teens in a mentoring kind of way (not creepy, LOL). Now that we are both adults, we don't have a ton in common but I don't have many friends that I have a ton in common with so I can say she would still be my friend.
The parents of my other children, no way. I can barely have a conversation with them. It's not that we have nothing in common, it's their attitude that nothing is their fault. They are constant "victims" and that irritates me. Not to mention I have hygiene standards that they do not come close to meeting on a good day.
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#12
06-25-2008, 12:11 PM
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I don't think I would have been friends with AJ's firstmom. We don't have much in common, and our personalities/lifestyles/morals are polar opposites...not saying that either one is right or wrong, just so different that we would be hard pressed to find a basis for a friendship. Our love of AJ is what cements our relationship; I feel a great deal of love for her, but really no "connection".
As for JD's firstmom, there are 15 years between us, but it might as well be 50 - haha. We don't share much in common, but we've built a friendship...However, I've met her older sister (who is only a few years younger than me) and we get along great! We also have tons in common. I could see her as a friend even without JD to connect us.
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#13
06-26-2008, 06:44 AM
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No i really dont think so ,,, we are complete opposites ,,,,
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#14
06-26-2008, 06:46 AM
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No. Not at all.
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Brandy Adopted Adult :: Mother :: First Mother :: Wife I am not defined by a single solitary life event. My life is molded by a collection of events and experiences that have made me who I am today.
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