[cnelson8611]

I hope this is in the correct area of the forums. It's been years since visiting, mostly because 3 years ago I chose open adoption for my daughter and to this day I am happy with my decision.

I will try to explain what happened:
A couple of weeks ago, my family and the father had a visit with the adoptive parents and my daughter (adoptee) at my house who turned three. I have 2 children of my own.
The father has been attending every visit, however I have a new boyfriend who lives with me so he decided to bring a family member to the visit as well, who happened to be quite a rowdy teenager.
So it was a busy house with 3 kids (4 including the teenager) and 5 adults.

The visit was going well, however the teenager was getting a little noisy as she tried to entertain the kids, who are a lot younger than her.

Here was my mistake:
I am a smoker, but decided to dedicate a separate room to smoking away from everyone. However, I roll my cigarrettes to save money and still rolled in front of everyone.
I had my boyfriend roll me a cigarrette and suddenly the adoptive parents hoped up and said it was time to leave. Almost without warning!
They were so rushed, they even left their daughter sippy cup behind... which I imagine she wanted during the drive back home.

So if I haven't confused everyone yet... was it the fact that we were rolling cigarrette tobacco or maybe a combination of everything that made them hope up and leave so suddenly?
Am I just being scared?

I did feel bad and tryed to e-mail them thanking them for the visit and next time we can try a park instead.
I still feel very bad... me and the adoptive family do get along but I still find it hard to talk to them like friends.

[dpen6]

Did they know it was tobacco?

[lovemy2boys]

can you imagine if they didn't realize it?

Not to make light of the situation, but holy smokes!!!

(Umm..no pun intended)

Seriously though - it may have just been one of those overstimulated visits - I'd just email them again and say that you know it was a crazy visit (and maybe explain the cigarette thing if there was any miscommunication there) and that next time you hope things will be calmer...then let it go - there was no ill intention on your part, and I'm sure they know that.

[Leigh131313]

Maybe - maybe not.

All we can do is guess and play the what-if's...really, you should just talk to them or email them

Just say you noticed as soon as you started rolling your cigarettes, they seemed to be in a hurry to leave. Just ask them - for future reference - if they were not comfortable with that. I'd also re-state that you'd never actually smoke in front of DD, but that you didn't realize that rolling the cigarette would be uncomfortable for them.

Personally, I would not want someone rolling cigarettes infront of my child either.....but we're pretty anti-smoking in general (sorry, but yes I totally discriminate lol)


It could just have been that they felt it was "time to go" with all the commotion and such.

[RavenSong]

They may have assumed you were rolling marijuana. Email them...

[BethanyB]

I too think they thought your were rolling a joint. Better talk to them.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by Leigh131313

Personally, I would not want someone rolling cigarettes infront of my child either.....but we're pretty anti-smoking in general (sorry, but yes I totally discriminate lol)

This is a great point and it's one that would be true for our family as well. Whether or not you were planning to smoke in another room, I wouldn't want you rolling a cigarette, no matter the contents, in front of my children. While I can't shield them from everything, I'm really hoping to avoid certain subjects of discussion until they are of an appropriate age. Right now, at 2.5, my older son would have said, "Hey, whassat?" And I would have had to say, "Something yucky." And then my 2.5 year old would have assumed, by association, that YOU were yucky since you were DOING something yucky. If my 2.5 was your birth child, would you want him to think that you were yucky? Probably not.

Anyway, you really need to discuss this with them. Phone or e-mail an apology and do not act in a confrontational manner. Whether or not you were in your own home, doing what you always do, is not the point.

Best of luck with this one.

[cnelson8611]

Thanks for the replies.

I do not roll cigarrattes by hand... like a joint. I have a cigarrette roller and a bag of tobacco. But I can understand how that would be "yucky" to a young child and the parent who doesn't smoke (in which they do not).
I really should have pre-rolled cigarrettes before hand, and stepped outside to smoke while they were here. I got a little tied up in the preparations to think about it.

I'll e-mail again and maybe ask if that bothered them and apologize since I still haven't gotten a response.

[RavenSong]

Cnelson, you may want to consider not smoking at all during visits with your child. If you're a die-hard smoker, you can get your nicotine fix by chewing a piece of Nicorette or a Commit lozenge. It might be something to think about for your next visit.