[nikkianni]

Hi everyone,

I'm an amom and I need a little advice. Some of you may be familiar with my story but for those who aren't: My DD is 12 months old. In January she was diagnosed with a skull condition that is the likely cause of developmental delays and that may lead to pressure problems as well. Because of these issues DD is facing surgery sometime in the coming months.
We are in a semi-open adoption. (Letters and pictures only.) I have sent three updates to DD's bparents' last address with no response. I wasn't really concerned because we basically discussed having one-sided contact until DD is older. Now however, DD's doctors would like some specific information about her family medical history. We desparately want her to have the best care possible.
I wrote a letter and sent it out to her bparents over a week ago letting them know about the info. the doctors are requesting. I had told them in a previous letter about Eve's condition. So far I've gotten no response. Since we only live about an hours' drive from where they live and we haven't gotten the letter returned, I'm assuming they've received it.
What should I do? Is there anything I can do? Would there be a better way to approach the issue?

[taramayrn]

Did you work with an agency that might be willing to contact them on your behalf?

Otherwise I'm not sure what else you can do aside from continue to send letters requesting the information.

HUGS

[loveajax]

Do you have a phone number? I don't know whether this happens with your DD's birth parents or not, but I can imagine there may be times where a letter may be received and not read right away (maybe it's too emotional at that time or something). I am sure they would want to answer the questions if they could. Good luck!!

[belleinblue1978]

Can they answer the questions? I personally wouldn't be able to answer those questions.... that makes me SO sad because it is just more adoption loss for me. It is very hard to get my son's parents to understand I can't provide them with medical information so I just avoid that stuff. Could that be part of the situation?

[nikkianni]

We do have an old cell phone number from last year. We've been afraid to try it, since calling them would technically be outside of what we agreed to. We certainly don't want to make them uncomfortable in any way.
As for the questions, I think they'd be able to answer. What we need to know is when they themselves crawled and walked, and if anyone in either of their families had funny shaped heads or died young.
We did go through and agency. Maybe I'll call them for some advice or assistance.

[loveajax]

Nikki,

One of the things that DD's birth mom made me promise is that we would always know how to contact them in case DD needed them for anything. I know it may be "awkward" but I can't imagine that E's birth parents would mind answering some questions (if they have answers...oddly, I have no idea when I walked or crawled) if they thought it could help. Definitely call the agency if you feel like there should be an "intermediary." This is really important stuff and if they can help you, great. GOOD LUCK!!

[taramayrn]

If you have a # for them, I would use it. This is something very important and I'm sure they would understand - or at least I would hope they would.

[kelceesmom]

I personally would give the number a try also. The worst that can happen is they either don't answer or return your call. For what is going on with Eve I would go down every avenue I could.

[belleinblue1978]

Originally Posted by nikkianni

As for the questions, I think they'd be able to answer. What we need to know is when they themselves crawled and walked, and if anyone in either of their families had funny shaped heads or died young.
We did go through and agency. Maybe I'll call them for some advice or assistance.

I just asked because there are alot of genetic questions I can't answer. I would be able to find out when I walked and crawled, but the rest... nope...

I'd call the agency and and the cell phone number. Personally I wouldn't be bothered no matter what the agreement. Questions like that may upset me, but I answer them to the best of my ability.

[lahdh4]

I would call. If you still were not comfortable with that I would go through the agency.
good luck