[taramayrn]

I am really looking for words of advice from those adoptive parents who are in fully open adoptions, and as always, my fellow birth/first moms in fully open adoptions.


So, my son is 7. He knows us, we visit many times a year, etc etc. Great relationship.

A few years back I bought a framed copy of "The Legacy of a Child in an Open Adoption". It is done in calligraphy, very beautiful with my son's name and bdate written in calligraphy across the top.

I'm just having a really hard time finding a spot for it in my house that will honor it. So, I had thought of donating it to my agency, but with my son's name across the top, I wasn't sure how appropriate that would be.

Now, here's where your advice comes in. Would you, as adoptive parents be open to recieving this as a gift for your child?

[Vogi2002]

I would probably love it....

did your son have a different name when they were born versus now? I couldn't remembr

If the names were different I probably wouldn't be too comfortable if it had his "birthname" on it only because I am not sure if it would confuse him KWIM?

But I would still cherish it for him even if that was the case....

[Leigh131313]

Tara - I have never read this - so I don't know what it says.

I would not put something up on my wall that advertises the fact that M (or any future child) is adopted.

However, if I were given something like what you are describing, I'd keep it for M. I have a box of things that are adoption/birthfamily related that I am holding onto for him.

I don't know about T's family - I'm sure everyone is different. Perhaps the best thing to do would just be to ask them!!

[taramayrn]

Thanks guys. Yes, T's birth name is the same as his current name.

Leigh, my concern is the same as yours. They are certainly advocates of open adoption, and those in their lives who need to know, know that the kids are adopted. I have been introduced to a few friends as T's bmom, and then a few as a friend of the family. I am okay with both.

Their daughter E has pictures of her and her bmom in her room as well as one in their family room. That's a bit different I understand.

I just hate to have it sit in a closet in my house when maybe they would like it. If not, I will give it to the agency - it doesn't have our or their last name on it.

Yeah, I should probably ask them, just don't want them to feel obligated to take it as I didn't buy it for T, I bought it for myself.

Here is the poem for those who aren't familiar with it. It was written by our very own bromanchik.

Once there were two expectant mothers.
One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart
She became your Birthmother.
The other carried the hope of you within her.
She became your Mom.
As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,
Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after
your birth.
Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.
Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.
Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,
One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:
your questions answered,
your boo boos bandaged,
your heartaches soothed,
And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:
answers to your questions,
your image in the mirror,
a part of yourself,
And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families
Two different kinds of love
Both a part of you.

© Copyright 1999 Brenda Romanchik - R-Squared Press

[Vogi2002]

Yes then Tara, I would LOVE it...of course we don't need a poem for it to be pretty clear he is adopted *wink wink* so I'm not bothered by that. Of course, for his sake, I don't want adoption stuff every where in his face...but I would put it up somewhere in my house.

I just remembered I do have a poem in my house...it's called "The Chosen Heart". Not a HUGE fan of the word chosen, but it's pretty and my mom gave it to me. It has a place to put his feetprints (using gold ink stamp) and his picture. I do have a certain place for it...right in the hall by my bedroom, kinda out of the way...a "personal" spot. KWIM? So it's not right when you enter my house but it's very much on display for people to see too.

I like your poem better...I would have put it up and beside it put a picture of all of us (Cooper, dh and I, birthfamily). I already have a picture of all of us in a "Miracles do Happen" frame...

Anyways, definetely ask them, I bet they would love it....probably more than that. It would also be appropriate if YOU put it up in your house....but I know that can be kinda hard to have up all the time.

[taramayrn]

Thanks Nat, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter. I had it up in my house, in my bedroom, but it really just doesn't fit with the decor so to speak. Plus I'm running out of wall space. I don't really want to put it in the hallway, had thought of that, since it's the only hallway in the house and just too many prying eyes you know? I have a spare room that will one day be a nursery (hopefully) and so I'm not sure it's appropriate to go there.

So I'm just sort of stuck as to where to put it. I do not expect J and S to put it in a prominent area in their house, maybe in T's room if he so wishes.

[taramayrn]

I think I will email S and ask her if they'd like it and that I really don't care, but I hate to see it sit in a closet somewhere. If they don't want it I will donate it to the agency.

[Heidi9771]

wow, what a beautiful poem.

[sugarbabysmommy]

Tara, I'd love it. I might hang it in my bedroom depending on it's style or in babe's if babe wanted. But, I would most certainly treasure it and keep it with all of the keepsakes that I gather in babe's treasure box.

Another thought, have T's parents made a life book for him... if so would the poem fit into the life book? Could it be trimmed to fit a life book or scrap book?

[bromanchik]

It always floors me when I hear of people using that poem. Thanks. I feel honored.

A lot of people told me that they've used it in scrapbooks. Some have used it in the baby's room.

[taramayrn]

Sugar -
The poem is in a beautiful wood frame with glass, etc (professionally framed), so I would hope that they wouldn't take it out to put in a scrapbook, but if that's what they wanted to do then I'm fine with that.

Brenda -
It is so much nicer than the original "Legacy..." poem. I think it would be perfect in T's room if that's what he wants.

[Lilly's Mommy]

I loved the poem so much I gave a copy to Lilly's birth mom and framed another that sits on Lilly's dresser top. It's a perfect description for us. I hope your son's parents love it just as much.