[lahdh4]

Well, it is finally happening. E asked me if I was interested in telling my story to pap's from the agency. I said yes. Well, they went and changed how they were going to do the meetings and it was scheduled for tonight but because of the holiday weekend E wasn't able to get in touch with alot of people. It has been rescheduled and will take place on my birthday It will be me (birthmom), adoptee, and aparents who have adopted and are planning on adopting again. Now I just have to condense my story and be prepared for any questions. It is a month away and I am all ready nervous. I really don't know what I am going to say to these people.

Any ideas?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Mention your birthday! It will be a nice ice breaker.

Other than that, condensing your (as in anyone's) story is hard so if you want to work on it and run it by us, we'd love to help.

[Leigh131313]

I can tell you what I took from our workshop where we met with an entire triad - aparents, adoptee and birthmom.

For me, what really stood out was how unthreatening the birthmom was. She was a nice girl - a NORMAL girl. She obviously loved the little boy, but the mother was not at all threatened by her. They interacted casually together.

I remember at one point the little guy was getting into something and the birthmom got up to grab him (a normal response as the mom was talking at the time). You should have seen EVERY eye follow that birthmom to the child. We discussed it - did the mom feel uncomfortable with the birthmom just stepping in like that. It seems odd, but to alot of hopeful adoptive parents - any action by a birthparent can appear threatening. They talked about how the birthmom was no different than anyone else in their life who cared about them and their child.

I know that may seem really simple and silly....but the biggest thing I took from that workshop was the NORMALCY. That small encounter is actually what made it possible for me to consider an open adoption.

[Tigger27]

I'm so excited for you and proud of you !!! I know it can be nerve wracking and it will be hard, but you can do it.

I use to go speak to high schools and paps & pbmoms with my agency and/or the adoption council for our state and it was very nerve wracking the first time I did it, but once you do it, it does get a little easier.

Of course, it depends on what day/time of the year as to how easy it is sometimes, but mentioning its your bday is definitely a good way of breaking the ice. Using humor and leaving time for them to ask you questions are usually good ideas, but I'm sure you'll do fine.

Like Jenna said, feel free to run ideas by us or whatever you'd like to do, we're here for you !!!

Oh and bringing pictures and/or keepsake gifts that have been exchanged and telling the story/importance of them are something people usually really like - especially the pictures .

Also like Leigh mentioned, normalcy is a good thing too - that they see you're a normal, nice person and not a bmom stereotype and that you have your goals, hopes, dreams, your own life outside of being a bmom and can have fun.

[browneyes0707]

No ideas, just sending support and good luck!

[InBlindFaith]

I am so proud of you Leigh!!

You should definately start off by mentioning it's your birthday..."I couldn't imagine a better way to spend my birthday than standing in front of people I don't know" LOL!!!

You go girl!!!!

[BrandyHagz]

Hugs and support

Just one word of caution (cuz I wish I'd had it) be prepared for stupid questions...about you personally.

After a few 'speeches' at my agency, I finally had to tell them no...I think I've posted about my experience a time or two...LOL

Anyway, just be prepared - think of ALL the assumptions made about birthparents - and prepare an answer for all questions related to that.

For me, I had one lady that just wouldn't let go of the assumption that being a birthmother = being a drug addict. She kept harping...even after I told her I'd never had a drug problem - it was really uncomfortable.

[taramayrn]

Leigh!! Congratulations! I've spoken at workshops like this a few times and am always nervous. I normally don't prepare anything, just speak. Often the agency worker will ask you questions during your speaking to help you focus your speaking, if you need a bit of help.
Good luck!

[lahdh4]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

Hugs and support

Just one word of caution (cuz I wish I'd had it) be prepared for stupid questions...about you personally.
Anyway, just be prepared - think of ALL the assumptions made about birthparents - and prepare an answer for all questions related to that.

I think that is what has me more nervous, the stupid questions that will come out of people mouths.
My therapist, E, is the one running the workshop, so she said she would be there for support and would step in if needed. And to help ask me questions that she knows I am able to answer.

[StorkWatcher]

Thank you for doing this! As an adoptive mom, the 2 best things our agency did for us was to let a new adoptive mom tell us her story, and at the last minute, 2 birthmoms couldn't make it to talk to us, but we did get to see videos they'd taped, where they told their stories. IT WAS SO AMAZING! It completely changed our minds about the level of openness we were hoping for. ANd dispelled many myths about birthmoms for many of us prospective parents.

The most helpful things I heard were:

• Why the ladies chose adoption
• What they were hoping for in terms of continued contact with their children's families
• What support they needed before, during and after placement
• just hearing their side of the story - for the first time we were really able to think about some things from the perspective of a placing parent
• What type of healing/grieving cycle do you go through after, and how aparents can help bparents with that

I hope you don't get rude questions, or too many uncomfortable questions, but thank you for sharing with these people! You may change someone's life and not know it!

[lahdh4]

thank you for your response. I