[InBlindFaith]

I placed DD in a Closed Adoption in 1988. Of course I am patiently waiting for DD to be ready to meet. Not only do I want to get to know DD, I would LOVE to get to know her parents too!!

So my question is...

If you know the Birth Mom has a special place in her heart for you too, would you allow her to get to know you as well?

[loveajax]

InBlindFaith.

My simple response is: OF COURSE!!

I have an open adoption with my DD's birth family so I know I am in a different position here.

I can say, however, that my DH is an adult adoptee with two adopted siblings (different birth families). About ten years ago, his sister found her birth mom who came to the house and met with DH's parents. My MIL said it was so wonderful to meet her and to thank her and that it just helped MIL really "learn" more about her daughter. (Unfortunately, SIL's birth mom died of a brain tumor shortly thereafter...so sad.).

[myheart]

Originally Posted by InBlindFaith

So my question is...

If you know the Birth Mom has a special place in her heart for you too, would you allow her to get to know you as well?

Roni,
I would open my heart and my home to you in a heart beat. I wish I could say to you that all parents are all so willing to do the same. It is easy for Lovejax and I to say we would, we are both in open adoptions. If you are a praying woman, I would pray daily...that your childs parents will open their hearts and their homes to you. I for one will pray for you.

Roni, have you heard of the saying, " Good things happen to good people". Well, you seem to be a great person....so Great things will happen for you!

[bajj]

I most definitely would! I pray my youngest son's Bmom wants to meet someday.

I'm not sure how your DD aparents will feel since they were in a closed adoption. I guess it could depend on what they were taught and how educated they are adoption wise.

I hope you are able to meet them and build a relationship with them.

[musemoon]

I'm in a closed adoption and my kiddo's bmom is a drug addict. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very grateful to her for my daughter's life. I am very grateful to her that I am parenting my daughter and if she was healthy AS YOU ARE and as positive and loving as YOU ARE, then absolutely YES YES YES!

And I pray that she does become that person one day because I would love my daughter to know her. That being said. We do have a very open relationship with her older bsister (19) and hope to continue to nurture that relationship as she grows more and more a part of our family.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by InBlindFaith

I placed DD in a Closed Adoption in 1988. Of course I am patiently waiting for DD to be ready to meet. Not only do I want to get to know DD, I would LOVE to get to know her parents too!!

So my question is...

If you know the Birth Mom has a special place in her heart for you too, would you allow her to get to know you as well?

Allow her???? I LONG for it. I had such high hopes when we became parents through what we thought were open adoptions that we would have a lifetime to become and be friends with their first families. I am really struggling right now with the strong probability that sometime down the road we will have to search as both of our kids' first mothers have seemingly chosen to "close" their end of the relationship. I am truly sad about this.

THe answer to your question would be a resounding "YES!!!!!"

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by InBlindFaith

If you know the Birth Mom has a special place in her heart for you too, would you allow her to get to know you as well?

Oh my gosh!! I have one adoption that is a classic "closed" adoption and one adoption where I know the name of the birthparent but have never met her. I have nothing but respect and love for the birthparents of my daughters. I owe them so much. I would love to just squeeze them and hug them and thank them in person.

[bethy724]

I would love for my sons bio mom to contact me. I really would love to hear form her & for my son to know he has a bio-mom that loves him.

The more positive people in your childs life the better, I can't imagine a parent that does not want to surround their child with people that love them.

Best of luck!!

[InBlindFaith]

Honestly it never crossed my mind to get to know her parents. I have always wanted to hug them and tell them thank you...until I found y'all.

I have stayed in touch with the adoption counselor through the years. I think she has told them how I feel about them. So far everything appears very positive. I will let the Counselor know I would love to get to know them too. I know right now everything has to stay the way it is until DD is ready...it just gives me time to think about what to say to them.

Thank you so much!! I just hope DD's parents are as wonderful as y'all have been!!

great big (((HUGE HUGS)))

[loveajax]

InBlindFaith, that just made me weepy. I wish you so much luck....I think for many a parents that they have to follow their child's "cue" when it comes to reunion stuff. E.g., I know my SIL really wanted to locate her birth mom when she had a child of her own...and DH is feeling that way now too since we adopted DD. I hope that in your case your DD wants to establish a relationship sooner and that she knows that she has her a parents' full support. GOOD LUCK!!!

[kelceesmom]

I wish our bparents would change their minds and want to continue getting to know us. We are in an open adoption but have heard from them since TPR was signed. I would feel blessed to get to know the bparents better and have our daughter know where she came from.

[Boulderbabe]

Originally Posted by InBlindFaith

If you know the Birth Mom has a special place in her heart for you too, would you allow her to get to know you as well?

Of course, if the Birth Mom is as kind and level-headed as you appear to be! I've offered this kind of a relationship to my son's birthmom. It makes me sad that she's chosen not to take it, and that she is closing the adoption. But hey, the door is always open.

One thing that has always motivated me in thinking about openness in adoption is my own experience as the daughter of divorced parents. It was SO HARD to always be pulled like a wishbone between my parents, to have to always remember not to mention one in front of the other, and to always walk on eggshells so as not to hurt anybody's feelings. I don't want my son to feel like he's torn in the same way between me and his birthfamily. If he wants to incorporate them into his family circle, and they're safe (which, unfortunately, isn't a given), I welcome them with open arms.

[angellabernett]

i too have given notification to the adoption agencey and told them i would like contact because i had a closed one too,,waaa,,,,. The attorney contacted the adoptive parents and they replied back that my daughter did not want anything to do with me,,, oh how this hurts,,, and the hopes that have been shattered too...But i am going to counseling now and finally bringing up these issues i wish i had had help with 18 years ago, i have had anger and vented towrds others, have felt the rejection feelings, oh went through it all, all over again. i have come to acceptance that her wishes are hers ( i hope) and i am going to go on but i will always be waitng for the day she chages her mind, (if this was true) and she will also have very accepting loving open arms to come to no matter what! I would also not mind being friends with the adoptive parents too since they are her parents from the day she was born, but in a way i feel like i have intruded in to their life, and i feel that they dont want me there, even though i gave them the precious gift of life , from my womb to their outstretched arms i placed my daughter into, how unselfish of me, but now my feelings have been shattered. sorry.

[Leigh131313]

Personally, I think I'd feel less threatened if I felt I wasn't being entirely excluded, kwim?

It's hard for me to say, since I'm in an open adoption...but i THINK that's how i would feel....

I think one of my fears would be that with reunion, the bmom may be thinking she could just take my place......i think if we could build our own relationship, this may ease my mind...


I hope that makes sense...it's hard to know for sure how I would feel...but that's my best guess!! lol

[InBlindFaith]

I think that's part of the reason I would love to get to know DD's parents. I don't want them to feel excluded. I also don't want them to think I'm going to try to take their place.

Hopefully, I will be able to figure out a way to quickly put them at ease. They are a very important piece of this puzzle and I want them to be a part of it.

(((HUGS)))