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Old 08-24-2006, 10:45 AM
nh-jen nh-jen is offline
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what questions should I ask the birth mother?

I am scheduled for my first phone call with a birth mom. What questions would a birth mother want me to ask her?

Also, I am fearful (for me) that she may decide to keep her baby after it's born. How often does this happen? What would a birthmother want to hear from me, to help her make the decision to place her baby with an adoptive parent?

thanks so much
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Sherrie & Anita (IL)
are hoping to adopt
Sherrie & Anita hoping to adopt A Service of Adoption Profiles

Old 08-24-2006, 11:05 AM
SchmennaLeigh SchmennaLeigh is offline

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First of all, you would be asking questions of an expectant Mother, not a birthmother. A woman is a full fledged Mother until she signs the TPR. Referring to her as such will foster respect between the two of you.

Secondly, there are varying statistics on how many women decide to parent as opposed to place their child after the baby is born. It is their right to do so, however, and that must be kept in mind at all times.

As an expectant Mom, I preferred to do a lot of the question asking during the first phone call. After all, I was the one making the decision and wanted to cover my most important bases (family, thoughts on education, religion, etc). Every expectant Mother is going to have different priorities regarding a potential family for her child. Let her lead the conversation and then, when she prompts or there is a lapse in conversation, ask her things that she wants for the child. Ask her things that you would want to tell the child later in life like her favorite color. Ask her what drew her to your profile and discuss those aspects of your lives in greater detail.

Best of luck!
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Old 08-24-2006, 03:40 PM
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lahdh4 lahdh4 is offline
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I agree with Jenna. See where the conversation is going and take the leads that she gives you. We talked about dogs because they (adoptive parents) have 2 beagles and I grew up with them as well so we talked about them and the crazy weather that we had been having during that time. I asked more questions when we had our f2f but the phone call was just an ice breaker. Hope it goes well.

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Old 08-24-2006, 03:49 PM
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kelceesmom kelceesmom is offline
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I would definately let her take the lead. I know we talked about what I did for a living because that is one of the reasons they chose us. I asked her a little bit about her family. She had 2 children with my daughters father already. I got to ask what they were like. But, mostly I listened to her and what was going on with her. Each phone call got a little more relaxed.

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Old 08-24-2006, 05:46 PM
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Lovebug Lovebug is offline
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Same here. Our first call was a total "ice breaker". It was high nerves on both ends, but we all managed fine. "L" led the conversation. DH was on one phone and me on the other, and she had questions for both of us. We really did click right away and the conversations thereafter were smooth. Good Luck!

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