[Mommy24]

I have been really struggling lately with the closure of my Semi open adoption with my bsons aparents. It has been 8 yrs now and I still havent heard from them, it is very frustrating and I wish I knew what caused the letters and pics to stop and why they felt the need to close the PoBox so I couldnt send letters?

So my question is this, I think legally enforcing open or semi open adoption may not not be the answer, What is the answer?? To me it is black and white, you say you will do something or you commit yourself to something then you do it. (so long as it isnt endangering the child or causing emotional problems for the child)

Anyone have any suggestions?? What can we do? How can we change it? I know for me, I teach my children that if we say we will do something,we do it..if we commit to doing something we do it......

Frustrating

[lahdh4]

I cannot offer any suggestions but just a ((HUG)). I was told growing up to keep my promises and while I have struggled with my emotions dealing with J's adoption my counselor pointed out to me that I made a promise to J, to be as healthy as possible so that I would be a positive presence in her life.

[HappyTwinsMom]

I wish I had some great ideas about what to do about this kind of thing, but I don't. My parents raised me to believe that my integrity is the most important thing I have to offer...so if I make a promise, I aim to keep it. I'm so sorry that your son's parents cut you off the way they did. Hugs to you!

[StorkWatcher]

I am of the same mind. There are SO many reasons why parents should honor their agreement (no matter how informal, written or verbal) about communicating with each other for their child's benefit.

As an adoptive mom, although I have barely received any contact from our son's bmom so far, I will always hope that she knows she can contact us any time and will do that when she is ready or needs to. I hope this for my son's sake. I hope this for her sake. I hope this even selfishly for my sake.

SIGH. Some people just don't get it. WHY?

I don't know how to do anything to change this, other than continue to talk from all sides about the benefits and importance of keeping communication going so that more people will realize the impact they have on others' lives, most importantly their child's, and think twice before they make a decision that all may come to regret later.

I hope they'll reconsider and open up the contact again with you!

[kelceesmom]

As adoptive parents we have an open adoption. But, on the flip side we have not seen nor heard from the bparents since they signed relinquishments papers 72 hours after giving birth to our daughter. I would love to be able to let them know how wonderful our daughter is doing so that they are not worrying about her. I would also like our daughter to be able to meet the people who were so selfless. So, I don't know what the answer would be, but we to believe that if a promise is made on paper or verbally you need to stand by it. If things change in your life discuss it with the oppisite party. Maybe a new agreement can be worked out. Everyon loses if all contact is stopped.

[taramayrn]

I don't know hon...(((HUGS))). What I do know is that you shouldn't say you'll do something and not follow through with it. I know it's not always that easy.

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Mommy24

I have been really struggling lately with the closure of my Semi open adoption with my bsons aparents. It has been 8 yrs now and I still havent heard from them, it is very frustrating and I wish I knew what caused the letters and pics to stop and why they felt the need to close the PoBox so I couldnt send letters?

So my question is this, I think legally enforcing open or semi open adoption may not not be the answer, What is the answer?? To me it is black and white, you say you will do something or you commit yourself to something then you do it. (so long as it isnt endangering the child or causing emotional problems for the child)

Anyone have any suggestions?? What can we do? How can we change it? I know for me, I teach my children that if we say we will do something,we do it..if we commit to doing something we do it......

Frustrating

I wish I knew the answer. I really do. We should be doing the things to which we commit. Bottom line. I am sorry your birthson's family isn't communicating and seemingly, for no reason. Truth be told, it makes my heart hurt.

We are on the opposite side. We chose open adoption because we wanted the relationships with our children's first families. In both situations, it has been their choice (at least so far) to limit contact by not letting us know where they are. They have all our info to contact us but we have no way of contacting them. It is hard. I write letters with no one to send them to... hard.

I wish it didn't have to be this way for any of us and even more, I wish there was an answer. But I don't believe we can legislate relationships. So sorry you are going through this... ((((hugs)))

[Leigh131313]

Hmmm thats tough, basically because I just don't understand it.

I fully realize that situations change, and schedules change...yada yada yada...But, to just cut off ALL contact just makes no sense, under any circumstance. How hard is it to recieve letters? sheesh.


anyhoo...I really have no advice or suggestions...all I can do is hold up my end of things, kwim? And support others to do the same.

[kakuehl]

As I read these threads, it seems not uncommon for one side or the other to walk away from an open or semi-open adoption. (I have no clue what the percentage is.) I guess I can understand that, as so often happens in our lives, reality is so often different from our expectations. I can imagine birth parents who find even letters feel like ripping open a wound and decide that they'll reacover best by "putting it behind them." As a bmom from the closed adoption era, I honestly don't know if I could have watched someone else raise "my child" in an open adoption. I would however have loved to know if he was ok and how he was doing. (I know, I'm NOT consistent.)

I also think it's possible that some adoptive parents really don't want to focus on their child's adoption. Again, I can imagine some people feeling like the bparents are interrupting their family life. I would think that I would want to maintain contact however, because there are always issues (health or otherwise) that may come up.

All that said, I agree with everyone who talked about integrity, and keeping promises. (Remembering that we live in a society where "until death parts us" is often interrupted as "until we fall out of love." Commitment often has little meaning for us.)

My thoughts and prayers are with those of you who are caught in this situation. I wish I had an answer!

Blessings,
Kathy

[bajj]

Originally Posted by Mommy24

I have been really struggling lately with the closure of my Semi open adoption with my bsons aparents. It has been 8 yrs now and I still havent heard from them, it is very frustrating and I wish I knew what caused the letters and pics to stop and why they felt the need to close the PoBox so I couldnt send letters?

So my question is this, I think legally enforcing open or semi open adoption may not not be the answer, What is the answer?? To me it is black and white, you say you will do something or you commit yourself to something then you do it. (so long as it isnt endangering the child or causing emotional problems for the child)

Anyone have any suggestions?? What can we do? How can we change it? I know for me, I teach my children that if we say we will do something,we do it..if we commit to doing something we do it......

Frustrating

I haven't read through all the posts, so just bare with me if I repeat others!

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I'm not sure why someone would do that. I would think if it were causing emotional problems or something that they would at least write you and let you know?

I realize you don't want to do a legal battle but I am wondering what other steps can be taken? Was it a private adoption or through an agency? Can you contact the lawyer or sw who assisted with the adoption? Is there anyone who knows how to reach them who can be a mediator and find out what is going on?

I will keep you in my prayers, as well as your child and his aparents, too.