[Rmorgan7777]

I barely even know where to start....I was here (on this forum) a couple of months ago, and I can't even remember what I asked for....I'm a birthmom and my son will be 17 on Tuesday. We haven't had contact in about 10 yrs, and after contacting the agency (semi open) to see if I should write and if it would be welcomed, was assured that they would love to hear from me and that I had some pictures in my file from 9-10 years ago. So I wrote, and included pictures, 2 months ago....I haven't heard anything back from them and now I'm almost sorry I wrote.

I'm usually so controlled and together but this whole thing has me turned upside down. I have competing and conflicting feelings and I"m trying so hard to be rational and it's just so hard....

Do I wait for a response, do I write another letter asking for them to let me know if they would rather not hear from me, do I just "forget" it.....

I hate this.....

[LadySheehan]

I think I would write another letter asking them to just let you know. You deserve that. You gave them a beautiful gift. I am sure they are somewhat scared but it wont hurt to ask.

Good Luck

[StorkWatcher]

RMorgan - Hi! I'm writing you from the flip side of the triad.

I'm an adoptive mom. We have a semi-open relationship. We have never had any contact from our son's birthmom (granted - we're only 10 months into this, but I wanted to share my feelings).

Don't give up yet! I am hoping someday our son's bmom will also do something like this.

We've continued to send letters and photos to her through the agency, even though she doesn't answer them. According to the caseworker, she does like to receive them. Once in a while, I ask her a question in a letter or tell her we'd love for her to write a letter to our son, but we don't get a response. There could be so many reasons why.

Maybe it's just taking your son and his family a little while to sort things out - teenagers can have a hard time with these feelings at this time in their life, so maybe he's just confused and worried about hurting his adoptive parents if he shows more of an interest in you.

I think you should write again, keep it light, and just say you wanted to be sure they received your first letter and photo and that you'd welcome any time they want to send a letter or photos. You could maybe even send a bday card or mention that you're thinking of him on his birthday.

I REALLY hope they reply to you!! Good luck.

[Rmorgan7777]

Thanks for your responses.

I did get a birthday card that I'll mail off today. And I have a 13 year old so I know how teenagers can be and I know that if it's been this difficult and confusing for me I can only imagine how it must be for him.

Also, it matters a great deal to me that he knows that I'm not a "bad" person. Not that I think that his Amom and Adad would give him that impression, far from that actually.

Somebody should write a guide book on how to navigate this....

[jheald]

I know I'm a little late to this discussion but I was glad to find it. We've been trying to figure out what to do as our set of bparents have stopped getting in touch with the agency to request the next set of pictures/letters for a year now. "Our" boy is two next week. We have always hoped that one day the b-mom and/or b-dad would communicate our direction. I came to this section of the boards to see if I could glimpse more into the b-parent side of this. I'm encouraged that it may be years before we hear something, but that the possibility is there. I will remember that!

I do have a question though. We currently send a lot of pictures every six months along with a letter. Would it be taken as a slight by the b-parent if we just started sending one or two instead until we know they are interested in receiving updates?

Janet

[awaitingagirl]

Hi Janet,
We are in the same situation sort of. We havent heard from my daughters birth mother in a yr. (only had her for a yr) but still. I have slowed down, not in the amount I send, but in the time I send them. I send now about every 6 months or so. I send about 10-20 pics. A letter. I dont know where she is or what she is doing. But I know shes out there and hopefully one day will want to see that she made the right decision.