[BrandyHagz]

FWIW - a birthparent is a parent - hence the word birthparent.

Just like an adoptive parent is a parent - hence the word adoptive parent.

Each are parents in their own rite...each plays a different role in the childs life - if you feel differently about YOUR situation, feel free to discuss that.

The topic here wasn't 'parent' anyway - it was one persons desire to be recognized as mom in an adoption relationship. My personal opinion on that is that it should totally be left up to the child - if the child makes that decision, it should be supported - if the child does not make that decision - that should be supported as well. It is the childs decision, in my opinion, to do what they feel is best - and each child will be different.

I never called my bmom 'mom' nor will I ever - she isn't my mom and has never acted like a mother figure to me...I just don't 'feel' it. That doesn't mean that others should be discouraged or told they are wrong because they want to call the bmom mom...its a personal choice in which each person has a right to make the decision that works best for them...

[manni28]

OK, I see what you are saying in a way. for, eaxample one of the posters stated:

"WHOA MANNI! Please don't go there. Way back ( not today) we HAD NO CHOICE. We DID earn that title by CREATING that baby that you adopted. who else did the work? the adoption agency?
ANOTHER "earning" we RELINQUISHED our babies because WE wanted a life for them. you know, FOOD, CLOTHING, SHELTER. I think that SACRIFICE is known by EARNING THE TITLE MOTHER.DMCA"

I didn't see her being called on about claiming the title "mother" or being told: " this is how "you" feel not all bmoms feel?

[BrandyHagz]

Manni,

Your expectations of moderators here is out of focus. It is impossible for the moderators of these forums to read every single post/thread made on the forums, which is why we rely on our members to report them.

I will be the first to admit that I hadn't read the entire thread - until you pointed out that post, I hadn't even seen it.

DMCA also needs to own her posts as well...but lets not 'derail' this thread any further - we can discuss this on the thread on CD which discusses this topic.

[dmca]

Manni,
First let me apologize for "freaking" on you. You managed to push one of my buttons and you don't even know me. lol
Second. My birthdaughter has parents( unfortunately her Father passed away some years back). To this DAY, WE BOTH KNOW WHO HER MOTHER IS. I would NEVER NEVER NEVER compete with her Mother to be her MOther.
My daughter and I are NATALLY related. I am so ****ed grateful that she had ( and has) such wonderful, loving parents ( and BROTHER, I don't want to minimize his role in her life) that I don't even have words to express it.
When I HAD to relinquish my daughter to give her LIFE ( yes, I mean that literally, two homeless people on the street )I prayed to God, ONLY that she get what I thought she deserved, good loving parents. In His grace, that is what she received.
I hear you about your parents and in some weird way, it gives me comfort. I would have been SHOCKED and tremendously hurt if my daughter did not get good parents and did not love them as you obviously do your own.
So, speaking as a Natal Mother, I applaud your love for your parents, that is what I wanted for my child and what you have.
BIG BIG hugs to you and I appreciate that you told your feelings here.
dmca

[manni28]

DMCA:

Cool, I understand.

[patti Daniels]

My daughter calls her bmom by her given name. I would feel hurt if she called her mom. I feel secure with their relationship, but if she called her mom that would make me very insecure.

Originally Posted by baby1995

hi
i have a questions for you moms. how do you feel when or if your child calls or wants to refer to the biological mother as mom,mommy. as a bmom i like for my daughter to call me mom but feel that it is taking away from her real mom. i'm wondering if you tell your children that it is their decision. i have been considering adoption myself and feel that i would to be the only one refered to as mom. also how do you feel when your child tells other strangers that she is adopted, do you feel that it is free to talk about or wish they would just consider you their mom.

[Vogi2002]

Patti- what a great way to explain it. I am not an amom yet, but I believe this is how I would feel also. Is it totally "right"? Maybe, maybe not, but it is feelings that occur and cannot really be helped....Just wanted to applaud you for saying it...

[manni28]

Ranyan and Patti Daniels:

Ok, "I" will say this for "me" as an adoptee, my aparents are my mom and dad. For "me" ( and some other adoptees "I " know) when we met our bparents we were appreciate of their sacrifice but, have gratitude and love for our aparents. Ladies, you have to remember you and your child will have a history ( if you are an excellent parent) .They (your achild), will love and honor you till death-trust me ( I know this as a fact, for "my " aparents -I am their daughter; and, I will love, honor and protect them-because they are excellent parents)

[patti Daniels]

Thank you so much for this response. I hope you are right. My daughter has recently asked not to talk about her bfamily. She becomes upset if I ask about them. The 1/2 bbrother and sister left to return to Alaska on Saturday on 7/22/06 and the bgrandfather asked her to go with them to say goodbye. She did not want to go and chose not to go. I do not understand any of this. First she wants to find them, now she doesn't want to talk about them? I will respect her wishes and not mention the family until she wants to talk about them. Confused!

Originally Posted by manni28

Ranyan and Patti Daniels:

Ok, "I" will say this for "me" as an adoptee, my aparents are my mom and dad. For "me" ( and some other adoptees "I " know) when we met our bparents we were appreciate of their sacrifice but, have gratitude and love for our aparents. Ladies, you have to remember you and your child will have a history ( if you are an excellent parent) .They (your achild), will love and honor you till death-trust me ( I know this as a fact, for "my " aparents -I am their daughter; and, I will love, honor and protect them-because they are excellent parents)

[NicNic]

We refer to Keelie's birthmom as momma G. G. being her first name.

[patti Daniels]

NicNic,
That is cute. I really like that idea. Congrats. My daughter was a February baby.

[restalyne]

my birthson calls me Mom and has from the first day of our reunion 3 years ago. He informed me that I have always been Mom in his mind from the time he found out that he was an adopted child.

[iss36]

my child calls her bio mom by her first name.

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by manni28

Ranyan and Patti Daniels:

Ok, "I" will say this for "me" as an adoptee, my aparents are my mom and dad. For "me" ( and some other adoptees "I " know) when we met our bparents we were appreciate of their sacrifice but, have gratitude and love for our aparents. Ladies, you have to remember you and your child will have a history ( if you are an excellent parent) .They (your achild), will love and honor you till death-trust me ( I know this as a fact, for "my " aparents -I am their daughter; and, I will love, honor and protect them-because they are excellent parents)

That's so beautiful! Amen to you parents! They obviously love you very very much!

[Lisasue]

I think you all have great decisions, and the best is that it becomes ultimately the child's decision that you all seem to agree with. My son after I met him insisted that he call me mom. However, since he insisted on calling me mom, he has never used it, except when he is being sarcastic with my other kids, and then he just calls me "mommy". I think he knows who his parents (mom and dad)are, and that I am the one who made him. However, I am not the one who raised him and nurtured him, as he well knows it too. Even with all the issues he told me about, he never disrepects the true owners of the titles Mom and Dad, and I would never let him.