[merrill1277]

There are four ads of couples looking to adopt newborns in this Community News weekly I have in front of me. Ads like this are almost always here. They all say expenses paid. All want newborns. Here is one for example:


A LOVING COUPLE WISHES TO ADOPT YOUR NEWBORN Offering love, happiness, financial security & education. Expenses paid. Please call Axxxxx & Bxxx collect at 1-800-xxx-xxxx.

Why would people use a newspaper instead of an agency? And isn't it possible the people contacted at the number could just be a front for someone else or for a black market operation? I cringe when I see these ads. Aren't private adoptions outlawed in some places now? Or at least in some countries? It might be one thing if the parties were in some way known or related (though enough could go wrong in those situations already). But yet another if they are totally unknown to each other and there is no agency oversight of what is being done and how. Wondering what others think of these ads.

[Mommy2amiracle]

Both of our adoptions are private through an attorney. Part of the deal is that you must search for your own match and they recommend using the newspaper.

We weren't comfortable with that so we paid an extra fee to be matched through them without us doing advertising. They don't advertise as that is illegal, they just match you with women who come to them seeking to make an adoption plan and want to find potential parents.

[SchmennaLeigh]

So they can avoid agencies. They're always in the back of parenting magazines as well. They don't sit well with me.

[Mommy2amiracle]

[quote=SchmennaLeigh]So they can avoid agencies. \[quote]


I don't think that statement is necessarily true. We waited with an agency for a year before going to the attorney.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Okay, in some cases.

[Kimmisue]

FYI, We are working with an agency and they run newspaper ads for us. In our case, it lists an 800 number and then gives an extension number....that is probably a sign that it is an agency.

Kim

[connersmom]

We used an agency and I personally would not be comfortable with the newspaper (I wanted the protection the agency offered), but I understand why people do it--money. With agency fees averaging $30,000 finding your own birthmother is very appealing, especially to those who cannot afford agency fees.

[tobeafamily]

Actually, there are a decent number of agencies who do run these advertisements on behalf of their PAP clients. There are many others who recommend this.

Why? Simple. It works. People do respond to the advertisements. Connections are made. Placements occur. I don't believe it's the 'all expenses paid' element that attracts anyone, or 'makes the placement' in most cases. For a few, of course. For many others though, I haven't seen it. When you ask 'why did you call them?' they'll either say - I started down the list and they answered, or they'll mention something either in the ad (they have dogs and I liked that) or in their early contacts.

You can make this practice seem seedy, and again there are abuses just like in any other area in life. The fact is that in most cases it's legal, above-board reaching out. And, as I said before, it works, better than many other methods of making a connection.

JMHO

Regina

[julien3]

I am a birthmom going through a private adoption. I found the aparents online. Basically the same as the newspaper. But you have the right to ask proof of a background check ,homestudy, and psychological profiles.
And honestly, in my opinion, that 30,000 that would have gone to an adoption agency can now go into a college fund for the baby!

[megaphonemo]

We researched an agency that basically instructed us to do newspaper advertizements and bring the potential birth parents to them.... We ended up going with a traditional agency (making a profile and having the agency show it). The newspaper route, with the info quoted to us, would have the potential to be the same cost (different papers all over the country) and the same time frame as the traditional agency... To be honest, we did not go that route because it put a lot of the legwork on us, and we were not sure we had that kind of energy or drive... Lazyiness on our part played a role in some of the decision...... Know what I mean??

I do see the ads all the time, and keep my fingers crossed that it works out well for all involved...

Mega

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by connersmom

We used an agency and I personally would not be comfortable with the newspaper (I wanted the protection the agency offered), but I understand why people do it--money. With agency fees averaging $30,000 finding your own birthmother is very appealing, especially to those who cannot afford agency fees.

We are going with an agency because we like the fact that they do more things for you. That said, $30,000 is OUTRAGEOUS for an adoption in America today. The two agencies we seriously considered were $15,000 almost all-inclusive and $11,000 not including legal, and the agency we're most likely going with is $13,000 with nearly everything covered. If anyone is paying $30,000 they are being ripped off!

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by julien3

I am a birthmom going through a private adoption.

I hesitated to post this, but if you were a prospective adoptive parent using inaccurate language I would have had no problem jumping in, so why not with and expectant parent?

If your baby is not yet born and/or have not already signed relinquishments you are not a birthmom, you are a mother and a parent. Claiming that is so important to this whole process. I believe the practice of calling expectant/new parents "birthmoms" is subtly coersive. It is assuming a title before it actually happens. While many agencies/lawyers/facilitators also use this language it does not take away from the fact that the decision to place is remade again and again and it is not a title we have until after that decision is made one final time after our baby's birth and we sign those papers.

Please allow yourself the title of mother/parent while you have it.

[stillwaiting]

Originally Posted by julien3

And honestly, in my opinion, that 30,000 that would have gone to an adoption agency can now go into a college fund for the baby!

AMEN!

[connersmom]

Actually the average for an agency is $25,000-$30,000 in most areas of the country. Our agency was $15,000 base plus birthmother expenses when we signed with them, but they have now raised to $25,000 plus birthmother expenses in order to be more in-line with the norm. There are some that are closer to $15,000 (we actually found one that is $7,000 but only because all of their staff are missionaries and don't get paid a salary). It is tough for many families to adopt because they cannot raise the money. Yes, you may be able to get a loan but it is true what the pps said, that money can go for the child's education and many people cannot afford the payments that come with a $30,000 loan. There is corruption in all areas of adoption (newspapers, lawyers, agencies, etc.) but there are many good families posting on the internet or in newspapers.

[tobeafamily]

Originally Posted by connersmom

Actually the average for an agency is $25,000-$30,000 in most areas of the country. Our agency was $15,000 base plus birthmother expenses when we signed with them, but they have now raised to $25,000 plus birthmother expenses in order to be more in-line with the norm. There are some that are closer to $15,000 (we actually found one that is $7,000 but only because all of their staff are missionaries and don't get paid a salary). It is tough for many families to adopt because they cannot raise the money. Yes, you may be able to get a loan but it is true what the pps said, that money can go for the child's education and many people cannot afford the payments that come with a $30,000 loan. There is corruption in all areas of adoption (newspapers, lawyers, agencies, etc.) but there are many good families posting on the internet or in newspapers.

Connorsmom,

Where did you get that statistic? And what services are provided? My experience is that most agencies charge *far* less than what you're quoting, so I'm curious as to where that comes from.

One of the oddest things I've ever seen in adoption is this: Our agency (VA families only, folks) charges $4,000 for all services - homestudy, counseling for EPs and PAPs, post placement visitation, training. They've had the same fees for years - dating from 2000 at least.

In the past year and a half, a new agency has opened up - charging (really) $15K for the SAME services. You'd think - hey, that $15K agency will be SOL, right? Nope. $4K agency lost business, mostly because PAPs said they seemed to be 'bargain priced' and 'budget' and 'basic' in their services. Why? Because they keep their fees low - by not doing things like print advertisements for PAPs and such, keeping their advertising down to word of mouth and free seminars at libraries and such.

Go figure.

Regina