[BoxerLady6]

Originally Posted by merrill1277

There are four ads of couples looking to adopt newborns in this Community News weekly I have in front of me. Ads like this are almost always here. They all say expenses paid. All want newborns. Here is one for example:


A LOVING COUPLE WISHES TO ADOPT YOUR NEWBORN Offering love, happiness, financial security & education. Expenses paid. Please call Axxxxx & Bxxx collect at 1-800-xxx-xxxx.

Why would people use a newspaper instead of an agency? And isn't it possible the people contacted at the number could just be a front for someone else or for a black market operation? I cringe when I see these ads. Aren't private adoptions outlawed in some places now? Or at least in some countries? It might be one thing if the parties were in some way known or related (though enough could go wrong in those situations already). But yet another if they are totally unknown to each other and there is no agency oversight of what is being done and how. Wondering what others think of these ads.

I placed my daughter through a private adoption and I found aparents in a paper. I did not want to go thru an agency. When I decided on my own to place my daughter, I had engough of the "system" (government, telling I didn't qualify for aid, that I would have to quit my well paying job for them to "help" me....blah...blah) I wanted it handled a certain way and it was. I did not feel comfortable using an agency.

[connersmom]

My statistics are based on research and talking to hundreds (if not thousands) of adoptive parents around the country. Now this statistic pertains to the more "full service" agencies that do a lot of advertising and pay for a lot of birthmother expenses. The agencies that pay more to the potential birthfamilies and ask less questions do more business and that is the sad truth. We ended up only paying $16,500 but only because our daughter was already 6 mths. old. $15,000 was agency fee and $1650 was b-family expenses which included gas and hotel for our daughter's ** and her friend and son, airfare for our agents to fly down to get the b-father's signature, and food for everyone. Our agency takes very good care of their birthfamilies and does a lot of advertising, and ends up forking over a lot of money, therefore, charging the potential adoptive families a lot too. They could probably pay for less things, but they know it is not coming out of their pockets and it has not stopped people from signing up with them because they place quickly.

Of course fees are going to vary by state and what the states allow. If they don't allow any financial assistance, then that savings will be passed on to the adoptive parents. In our state you cannot find an agency that will not pay expenses (and thus save you money) because they know they will not attract potetial birthfamilies). Does VA pay birthmother expenses? Adoption agencies work a lot like insurance companies. Adoptive parents are technicallly paying for their adoption and part of the others that fall through. We were matched with a ** (but luckily had not paid any fee yet) that the agency ended up paying close to $10,000 for ** expenses to--rent, clothing, food, gas, medical, etc. Then they found out that she goes to agencies each time she gets pregnant for the assistance, then parents. They confronted her, but by then it was too late. They are out all that money and had to recoup it somehow. Also, fees go toward advertising. There are some exceptions,but the norm is the more an agency can put into taking care of birthfamilies and advertising (and thus the more they charge), the faster their "match statistic". The agency that quoted us $7,000 only does 3-6 placements a year and has families that have been waiting over 2 years, the agency we ended up going with has never had a traditional family (they do have two singles that have been waiting a long time) go more than 6 mths.

It is sad that money has to be such a big part of the whole adoption triad for most families
We have decided not to go through an agency for our next adoption. I love my agency, but it just seems so "business-like" and besides we cannot afford to do it that way again.

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by connersmom

My statistics are based on research and talking to hundreds (if not thousands) of adoptive parents around the country.

Wow, how long did that take you?

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by connersmom

My statistics are based on research and talking to hundreds (if not thousands) of adoptive parents around the country. Now this statistic pertains to the more "full service" agencies that do a lot of advertising and pay for a lot of birthmother expenses.

Ours pays all birthmother expenses and it isn't going to cost us NEARLY $30,000 to adopt through them -- try $13,000 for agency fees. I'm not saying your research is wrong -- just saying that I, too, have researched literally hundreds of agencies in this country in preparing to adopt, and I've only found a few that charge $30,000. Quite a few are in the $20,000 range, but many more are in the $12,000 to $18,000 range, in my experience. So saying you have to spend $30,000 to adopt a healthy baby in the US is just nuts -- lots of people do it every day for considerably less than that.

[connersmom]

I'm not sure exactly how many years of research that would be. I'm afraid I've been a little obsessive in the past with all the literature and interviews--trying to read up on everything and find the perfect situation for us, and then later moving on to helping others. I also forgot to mention that those statistics are caucasian only. Most agencies give discounts for other races and ethnicities. But back to the original point I made, even $10,000 is still a lot of money. Some people cannot afford agency fees and some just don't want to pay them or don't trust agencies. I hate to see people demonized because they choose to use this method. If you called those numbers, chances are you would find perfectly lovely people on the other end.

[emmaalso]

Could some of you PM me names of agencies that doint quote you 20-30 because I am having trouble finding them.

Thanks!!!

[connersmom]

Are you saying that you have not found any agencies that are lower than $20,000? If that is what you are saying, I would recommend you look for non-profit agencies--especially ones that are associated with a denomination --Catholic, Methodist, etc. These tend to be cheaper (though not always). Also, smaller agencies can be cheaper sometimes. I say this, but I only found one agency lower than $20,000 and that was because none of "employees" get paid. They are all missionaries. Any one out there know of a good agency that is less than $20,000? Ours is $25,000 at the lowest income level.