[Boulderbabe]

I've noticed something, and I wonder how other people feel about it. Here on the boards, some adoptive (or preadoptive) parents use the term "our birthmom." I always misread this for some reason, and think that it's an adoptee referring to her own first mother. I'm an adoptive parent, but I refer to my son's birthmother by her name (usually) or as his birthmother. I don't feel like I have a birthmother, since I'm not adopted, and she's not my mother. (Since she's twenty years younger than I am, that would be a little surprising!)

Is it common practice for adoptive parents to say "our birthmother," referring to their child's first parent?

[mom2justynsarah]

I say "My daughter's birthmom." Or "Dee" (her first name).

[Brittmomto3]

I hear / see this too. I use our daughter's Birth mothers names to our family & friends ...when I refer to one of them. When I am talking to people who are wouldn't know their names I say "our daughter's birth mom."

[timni]

I usually just use her name, but since this is a public forum I use her first initial or dd bmom I think 1ce or 2ce I have said our bmom. It was just wording nothing meant by it really. Truthfully its interchangeable to me with dd bmom b/c obviously she isn't mine, but she is a member of our family.

[HappyTwinsMom]

I've noticed that, too, and am uncomfortable with the phrasing. We always refer to her as our daughters' birthmom or by her first initial when mentioning her on public forums (the whole privacy thing!). C is not our birthmom...she is my children's birthmom.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

On the flip.. i refer to my daughter's parents as her parents... or by their name. But I do refer to her as my daughter.

[Brittmomto3]

When one of my daughter's birth mom refers to me, she uses my name ...if someone doesn't know who i am or asks "who's that?" ..she answers: "My daughters Mom."

[Leigh131313]

We used the term "our" when we were matched up....as in "our potential birthmom"...more because we didnt want to use names until after placement. Since placing, it's T or M's birthmom....she isn't "our" anything, other than friend.

However...i STRONGLY believe that as long as everyone involved is ok with the terminology used, it shouldn't matter to anyone else what terminology is used...

[myheart]

I've also said our b-mom, when I first joined this forum. For me it was more a term of endearment, because I care so much for her. I stoped using it in this fashion when I read how much it bothered some b-moms. So, now I just use my sons Bmom or my friend.


Many Blessing,
Myheart

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by numbr1dbcksfan

On the flip.. i refer to my daughter's parents as her parents... or by their name. But I do refer to her as my daughter.

Ok, I am JUST curious. Please, I am asking you straight up, let's not turn this into a verbal misunderstanding. Please DO NOT take this the wrong way.

But when talking with me, Dee will always say something like "How's the baby." Or "How is Sarah." But she never says "How is my daughter." I don't know how much I would like that.

I think every once in awhile she will say something like "How is our daughter." I prefer that much better. Now, she may refer to Sarah as "my daughter" when she is talking to other people. But not at least with me.

So when talking with your daughter's parents, do you refer to her as "your daughter." Or do you say, "our daughter? Or is it "my daughter?"

Thanks,
Julie

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I say Kristin. LOL.

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by numbr1dbcksfan

I say Kristin. LOL.

I love it! LOL!!! What a simple answer to my long winded questions. lol..Thanks.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Originally Posted by mom2justynsarah

I love it! LOL!!! What a simple answer to my long winded questions. lol..Thanks.

LOL!! Sorry... I think I would carefully avoid any situation that would call for that...

And I suppose, who talks like that anyway... right?

I suppose I would say to "my people" This is my daughter.. those are her parents...

And they probably say this is our daughter, that is her birth or bio mom...

I think it is all relevant to who is being addressed...

(ok got long winded for ya!!!! )

[SchmennaLeigh]

Jumping in the most recent turn in the conversation: when I speak to/with J&D, I don't say "my daughter." I ask how Munchkin/A is. (Yes, I use her nickname. Everyone does. She IS a Munchkin!) When speaking here, on my blog or in other circumstances, I say my daughter. When introducing, I simply say, "This is J&D and Munchkin... and JD, and J, and B, and A." LOL.

I DO send birthday cards that are generic daughter cards. Not anything like "I raised you so well," but, "A daughter brightens the world," kind of thing. I, of course, okayed this with D before I ever sent the first card of such kind.

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh

Jumping in the most recent turn in the conversation: when I speak to/with J&D, I don't say "my daughter." I ask how Munchkin/A is. (Yes, I use her nickname. Everyone does. She IS a Munchkin!) When speaking here, on my blog or in other circumstances, I say my daughter. When introducing, I simply say, "This is J&D and Munchkin... and JD, and J, and B, and A." LOL.

I DO send birthday cards that are generic daughter cards. Not anything like "I raised you so well," but, "A daughter brightens the world," kind of thing. I, of course, okayed this with D before I ever sent the first card of such kind.

Jenna,
Thank you for answering my questions as well. It was just something that kinda popped into my head...like things that make you go hmmmmmm... LOL.