[Mommy24]

My birthson will be 16 this year and the thought of reunion enters my mind frequently, with that in mind,
What can we do to make sure that we are doing all we can on our side for future reunion?

On a side note, I would like to thank Jenna for pulling my thoughts out of my head and helping find the words to convey the questions

[crick]

This is kind of a toughie for me...

I will support and help any of my kids who want to search and be in reunion with their first parents, but I also don't really want to be in the middle of it. And yet, it's hard not to be in the middle, because I am their parent and will be supporting them.

I just fear that no matter what I do or say, it'll be perceived as wrong by others and especially the first family. For example, if I start contact in the near future while my kids are young, I certainly will be in charge of that contact. And if my child gets to be say 16 and decides they don't want to have direct contact yet or meet etc. and I relay that to the first family, I'm sure their first thought is going to be "well, the amom is insecure and doesn't want the reunion."

I don't know really...I guess I can only be there for my kids in the way they need me to be and whatever else anyone else thinks is just that.

I'll have to ponder this some more...

[Tigger27]

Well, even though my girls are only 3 and 18 months, I do think about the future and reunion with them.

I have a relationship/friendship with my girls families right now and keep in regular contact with them via e-mail and such. I'm working on and hoping to open up our relationships/adoptions in the future more though.

Anyway, I always make sure to write and communicate with my girls families to make sure they're comfortable with whatever level of communication we have. I have asked a few different things lately and planning to ask another that are offers of more openness should they want them.

In everything I do with letters, pictures, gifts, home movies that we've exchanged so far, I do it all with thinking how it will help strengthen our relationship and make things better for the future and reunion/having a relationship with my girls when they're older.

It might sound cliche, but I just keep doing what I feel and what my girls families and I mutually feel/agree is in the best interest of my girls and ourselves for now and the future.

[hollyhunter]

I have been doing all I can to prepare for a possible reunion including being an active member here. I had completely shut down for the past 17 years after my child was adopted but realized recently that she'd be 18 soon and it would be possible to contact her. Most of my preparation and been in my head. getting myself emotionally ready so i would not show up at reunion expecting my child to heal me. I know from reading the threads here that i should not show up with any expectations. I have begun comunications with her mom so that we can establish an open and honest dialog. I wanted to make sure there were none of those fears of the unknown.I wanted to make sure amom knew i was no threat to her. We had been afraid to be open and honest in the past i know but i hope we can change that. I feel my daughter will need their support as she is very close to them and she will still be young at 18. I have learned to accept what is, I no longer feel anger at myself and at God for doing this to me. I am glad He put those people in my life to love her as I would have if I could have provided fo her. I don't believe I was used by God to give them a child. I believe they were used by God to give my child a good life.with God, it's all about the children! anyway.And it's all about unconditional love. acceptance for what is has given me the peace i needed. Believe me i struggled with this as all us first moms do. I think i am in pretty good shape for a reunion. I 'm trying to cover all my bases so to speak. Now all I have to do is get prepared for there not being a reunion and that will be hard because the only thing that was in my head when I handed her over to her parents is that I would see her again someday. I should be able to accept what is once i know, I hope so. I know I will find the support i need here no matter what happens. There is always someone here who knows what another going through. Thank all of you for your support! "If you can't be with the one you love, love the ones your with"

[Mommy24]

Hey Holly, Wanna go to A&E....LOL, so glad to see you posting here!! Much luck to you *hugs*

[hollyhunter]

oh very funny!