[Leigh131313]

I do like the term entrusted. Seems quite appropriate...Seems to give the whole process more significance.

[myheart]

Yes, I can understand that your pain (b-moms) is our gain (a-moms). I can understand that through your loss placing a baby cannot be a gift ,for you...but once that baby is placed and if there were no a-moms with infertility problems. Where would these children go? I do see my son as a gift....a very long awaited gift from God. Numbr, you stated that perhaps its re-gifting. Perhaps it is, birthparents are given a gift from God and what you choose to do with this gift is your choice. Yes, I understand that many first parents did not have this choice, but yet many did. Like my sons b-mom. She herself chose to place her son for many reasons. If you ask a parent who has given birth and raised their child if they think their child is a gift from, God many would say absolutely. Many christians believe that Christ was and is our gift from God. So, to me all children are all blessings and gifts from God. I could not birth my own child, so without adoption I would not have been given the gift to mother. My son is my gift and I will forever be greatful!

Infertilty, is a very painful state to be in and I do not compare it to the a pain a b-mom may feel once they have placed a child, But their are many similarities. For 11 1/2 years I cried every single night, I found it very difficult to attend baby showers, pass down the baby aisles, see a baby in a stroller. The pain I experienced through infertility was excruciating. The pain never goes away but it does subside.Many cruel people with hateful words will not let you forget it. Am I happy? You bet! I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy...a gift from God and his first mom. A mom who knew she could not raise a child on her own, let alone a child with special needs.

I can see where you as first moms cannot see our children as gifts, but can you as first moms see why as amoms we see our childrens as gifts? I was raised to believe that all children are gifts from God no matter how they came into our families, and to me and many a-moms on this board we will always see our children as our gifts from God. So, please if we choose to say this do not look down upon us, because we truly feel strongly about this statement as I do not look down upon you for feeling the way you feel.

Many Blessings,
Myheart

[SchmennaLeigh]

There is a vast difference between a gift from God and a gift from a firstmom. Believing a child is a gift from God is one thing. In my opinion, children are more of a blessing than just a gift. But, anyway. But I still refuse to say that I "gave" a "gift" to any family. My daughter was not an inanimate object to be wrapped up and handed off with joy in "giving."

[Leigh131313]

Jenna...thats a big difference isnt it.

I do believe that my son is a "gift from God" in the sense that all children are....but I do not think that his birthmom gave him to us as a gift.

[myheart]

Yes, I understand that Gods gift are the greatest gifts, but he placed our gift in the arms of B which in return placed her blessings her gift in our arms. And together we reap his blessings his gift to us, our Son. He is not only my gift he is a gift to my entire family and Bs family.


Many Blessings,
Myheart

[Tigger27]

I like the way Brenda said it best.

I was thinking about this the other day and I don't know that I would ever say I gave my girls as gifts to their families or that I gave the gift of family to my girls. It's more that I wanted my girls to have everything, I wanted to give them the world, but I couldn't do it myself so I placed them with parents who could.

I placed my girls because I felt it was in my girls best interest in those situations and I wanted to do what was right and best for my girls. I didn't place them to give an infertile couple a gift, it just worked out that these couples who have my children are infertile, but like you're all saying it was far from a gift thing.

And like Brenda says, I entrusted them with my girls and I was thinking that maybe I'd say that I'm sharing my girls with them, but that doesn't quite say it like the word entrusted does. The word entrusted says it all for me.

[kdibattista]

Originally Posted by myheart

Yes, I can understand that your pain (b-moms) is our gain (a-moms). I can understand that through your loss placing a baby cannot be a gift ,for you...but once that baby is placed and if there were no a-moms with infertility problems. Where would these children go? I do see my son as a gift....a very long awaited gift from God. Numbr, you stated that perhaps its re-gifting. Perhaps it is, birthparents are given a gift from God and what you choose to do with this gift is your choice. Yes, I understand that many first parents did not have this choice, but yet many did. Like my sons b-mom. She herself chose to place her son for many reasons. If you ask a parent who has given birth and raised their child if they think their child is a gift from, God many would say absolutely. Many christians believe that Christ was and is our gift from God. So, to me all children are all blessings and gifts from God. I could not birth my own child, so without adoption I would not have been given the gift to mother. My son is my gift and I will forever be greatful!

Infertilty, is a very painful state to be in and I do not compare it to the a pain a b-mom may feel once they have placed a child, But their are many similarities. For 11 1/2 years I cried every single night, I found it very difficult to attend baby showers, pass down the baby aisles, see a baby in a stroller. The pain I experienced through infertility was excruciating. The pain never goes away but it does subside.Many cruel people with hateful words will not let you forget it. Am I happy? You bet! I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy...a gift from God and his first mom. A mom who knew she could not raise a child on her own, let alone a child with special needs.

I can see where you as first moms cannot see our children as gifts, but can you as first moms see why as amoms we see our childrens as gifts? I was raised to believe that all children are gifts from God no matter how they came into our families, and to me and many a-moms on this board we will always see our children as our gifts from God. So, please if we choose to say this do not look down upon us, because we truly feel strongly about this statement as I do not look down upon you for feeling the way you feel.

Many Blessings,
Myheart

Very well said and I think that's what littlebitty was trying to get across. I know that my soon to be daughter is meant for me and she will come to me when it's meant to happen

[timni]

Maybe we could look at it like this. The gift to us amoms is you made us moms and created a family where we had only a hole (ok I am now crying AGAIN TODAY). That is a priceless gift. However, the child cannot be owned and therefore can only be entrusted to someone to care for. The word gift is not about the child (in my mind at least) it is about the "gift" of trust from you to us.

Does that make any sense or make that phrase easier to swallow. I hope so.

[SarahandSam]

I read in the birthparents and aparents forums but I have never posted 'cos I didn't feel it was my place and all. I am just an adoptee (half adoptee at that)

Speaking as a adult "gift" given to an infertile couple by a surrogacy mother who planned to give me as a gift before I was even conceived - I AM NOT TUPPERWARE! I am a human being. Being called a gift is a huge insult to me.

Be sure to explore the possibility that perhaps God lovingly entrusted you with his child because he has faith in your abilities... and not because he was using you as a vessel to answer someone else's prayers out there....

Thank you 'cos that was the most sensible thing I have ever read !!

[mn125]

Originally Posted by SarahandSam

I AM NOT TUPPERWARE!

When I think of gifts- I think pretty wrapping paper, and big bows.....
Would I have liked to be a gift that was returned or exchanged? or a gift that was regifted? or a gift that was put in the back of a closet because it wasnt the right color or size? nope

Originally Posted by SarahandSam

Being called a gift is a huge insult to me.

I agree sarahandsam

[bromanchik]

Originally Posted by SarahandSam

Speaking as a adult "gift" given to an infertile couple by a surrogacy mother who planned to give me as a gift before I was even conceived - I AM NOT TUPPERWARE! I am a human being. Being called a gift is a huge insult to me.

Thanks for speaking up. You confirm what every adoptee I have talked to has ever said.

And you do belong here. 90% of what I believe about how adoption should work I learned from adoptees.

[myheart]

[quote=SarahandSam] Being called a gift is a huge insult to me.
QUOTE]
I certainly am not one to insult a person, and if you campare a gift of a child to Tupperware or any inanimate object...I too can see how it would be an insult.

I can go around in circles explaining my myheart, and how the word gift in my heart is viewed more in a Godly sense.
I also believe this is what littlebitty also tried to express, but I cannot and do not intend to change a persons view. We all have different beliefs and our perception of one word can be viewed in so many ways. One feels blessed by a word, another feels hurt by a word, and yet another is insulted. What a word means to one person can be emotional, good or bad. Reading this thread I was also offended, the words Infertile Couples seemed to be used in a negative tone, those words popped out of the screen and taunted me. I'm not sure if the tone was negative it was just my perception, but I have learned that if a word is offensive to even one side of the triad then I as a part of the triad, out of respect should not use it, atleast here on adoption.com .
Peace be with you all!

Many Blessings,
Myheart

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by timni

Maybe we could look at it like this. The gift to us amoms is you made us moms and created a family where we had only a hole (ok I am now crying AGAIN TODAY). That is a priceless gift. However, the child cannot be owned and therefore can only be entrusted to someone to care for. The word gift is not about the child (in my mind at least) it is about the "gift" of trust from you to us.

Does that make any sense or make that phrase easier to swallow. I hope so.

Elaine,

Apparantly no matter how much amoms try to explain what we mean by "gift", it is taken in the wrong way.
Please know that we DO NOT look at our children as tupperware, presents, or any other inanimate objects.

I think Elaine explained it the best by saying "The gift to us amoms is you made us moms and created a family where we had only a hole." To me, that is so powerful & TRUE!

Julie
Julie

[stillwaiting]

I like to use the term BLESSING vs. GIFT. He is a major blessing to me and his daddy and also to his first mommy. He saved her life. (Long story) And she thinks of him as her little blessing - just as we do.

One other thing I don't like is when friends, family and people in general say, "Wow, "Little Bit", you are so lucky to have your mommy and daddy!". This one really gets under my skin. His first mommy could have/does loved him just as much as we do and I am sure there are better parents out there she could have choosen.

I alway correct the person making the statement and say, "We are the one's blessed to be able to raise such a sweet baby boy." "He is our blessing."

Then they step all over themselves to correct what they just said.

I know they don't know any better. They just see two people who have wanted a child to love for so long and then they finally see a family.

[Leigh131313]

Sometimes, people just see things the way they do.

We won't always agree, and that's ok.

The main thing is, we all have good intentions no matter how we see this issue.

none of us think of our children as Tupperware.....if you break them, there is no lifetime warranty!!