[Leigh131313]

I was just thinking how lucky I am. I have a friend who is really struggling with her open adoption (LONG story, and it's not mine to tell) and in talking to her, I can't help but think how completely fortunate I have been in my experience.

I'm not talking about how lucky I am because of my son being in my family...that's a no brainer! I'm talking about how lucky I am that his birthfamily is so darn great.

Any concerns that we have had have been completely minor in the grand scheme of things. Most can be summed up as a learning curve of sorts...but as for the major stuff, i just plain and simple couldn't ask for more.

They are respectful, but still comfortable with us...they have never insinuated that they were the "real family" and we were not, yet they still love him like family (cuz he is)..they take our feelings into consideration (time and time again)....and they allow us to be a family, not an adoptive family...kwim?

anyhoo..that's a short list, but you get the point.

So, what are your silver linings? Even if your situation is less than ideal, there must be something

[SchmennaLeigh]

My silver linings?

That I was blessed to find J&D. Since my agency was a bunch of dimwits and unethical freakazoids, I could have been royally screwed over. Instead, Munchkin got some pretty awesome parents. I got some pretty cool friends. And thankfully, we're able to talk about everything. We, too, have had just minor things; just a few misunderstandings and miscommunications. I respect their family and they respect me as Munchkin's first mother. We just work?

And, heck, I think it's so cool that my Munchkin has FIVE brothers (ya know, including Nick).

[myheart]

Originally Posted by Leigh131313

They are respectful, but still comfortable with us...they have never insinuated that they were the "real family" and we were not, yet they still love him like family (cuz he is)..they take our feelings into consideration (time and time again)....and they allow us to be a family, not an adoptive family...kwim?
So, what are your silver linings? Even if your situation is less than ideal, there must be something

Leigh
Wow, that sounds like my extended family (sons b-family)
B and I can have a whole phone conversation without bringing son up.
My silver linning is my extended family!!!
Here we were total strangers and the love for one little boy intertwined us together and created a new family.

Ps.
Leigh, I love your threads! Because of threds like yours this forum is a much kinder place. There was I time I found it difficult to post, just because my adoption experience was so positive and so wonderful. There use to be so much negativity and posting anything positive was very difficult, people on this forum would shun you. (atleast thats how I felt)
The vibe is so much nicer.
(Mommy 24 also has great threads)
Thank You Leigh for allowing me to fit in

Many Blessings,
Myheart

[Mommy24]

Myheart...Thank you! It is so nice to see the positive
Gives those of us struggling some hope again I thank you for sharing

[Leigh131313]

MyHeart,

What a nice thing to say! Thank you so much for the compliment. However I cannot take the credit. Everyone here is working really hard to keep this a place where we can bridge distances and understand what it feels like for the other party. There is definitely pain in adoption, for ALL sides of the triad ...but there is also Joy!! And joy is never something to be ashamed of!

I think the most important thing is that this particular forum stays ACTIVE!! For me, at this point in our adoption story, it's all about the communication. Right now, it is my job to keep the lines of communication open and moving freely between us and my sons birthfamily. I find alot of support and suggestions here, in this forum in particular. It is such a wonderful tool for me.

So PLEASE!! Share your stories...ask your questions, and contribute when others ask of you! Hopefully, more people will feel welcome to join us here.

[myheart]

Leigh and Michelle,

Your Very Welcome!.

Leigh,
Your right when you talk about pain, on all three sides of the triad there is pain, but there is also JOY. I have had my share of pain...infertility, dumb comments,and the what ifs such as...what would it have been like to carry my son in my womb. But the positive ( my blessings) have certainly out weighed the negatives. I love that when I am having a bad I know where I can come and vent, I know there are people here to help me when I have those bad days. Not only help me, but totally understand what I am going through.And on those good days perhaps I can shine a light in somones window as so many have shined a light in mine.

Many Blessings,
Myheart

[mom2justynsarah]

This is a very easy question to answer. My children are my joy. Plain & simple.

I love watching them interact with one another. They love each other so much. It makes no difference to my son that his sister grew in Dee's belly. It makes no difference to him that Sarah has 3 older siblings. He understands these things. He is accepting of them.

That is what is so cool about children. When you treat certain things in life with a matter of fact attitude, they accept it as such.

Sometimes he will ask about her other siblings. Sometimes he will ask about Dee. But it's more out of curiosity. Once the questions are answered, he goes about his day. As far as he is concerned, Sarah is his sister. That's all that matters.

So for all you aparents who have bio children, have no fear. It is a joyful, wonderful experience adding a sibling to the family. Adopted or not, they are forever siblings.

So I know I went on a bit, but truely, my kids are my life's greatest joy!!! I LOVE being a mom!!!!!!!!!!

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by Leigh131313

So, what are your silver linings? Even if your situation is less than ideal, there must be something

I was just thinking how great it is that we have the possibility of knowing Bug's family. They have pulled back from contact right now but we know who they are, we know how to find them and we will continue to work at keeping up our relationship. As long as we have that, we have hope that we will have a relationship. There are so many on all sides of the triad that live with hopelessness of not finding their family.

And you want to know what else?? This may sound strange but for me, with some of the health issues I have (they are most likely inherited) relating to my fertility especially, there is a good chance that DD will NOT have these same issues in her life. No guarantees of course, but it means that the disease and pain I struggle with daily will most likely not be a part of her struggle as a woman. To me, that's a silver lining. That and (don't laugh!) she won't inherit my big butt either!!!! That is a good thing.

There are so many other things but that's just a few to get me started...

[HBV]

Our silver lining has been the extended families of both bparents. Bmom's dad made us a DVD of their family photos, interspersed ours from the hospital and put it to music--it's as treasured as our wedding video. They loaned us the baptismal gown that's been in their family for 60 years (made from WWII parachute silk) for the baptism/entrustment.

Bdad's family could easily have derailed the adoption because of some Native American issues. They didn't. In fact, Bdad's mom was unbelievably supportive and well, there's no other word for it----wise. Baby will have a phenomenal resource about his Native American heritage with her family. I just said it in another post, but I'll say it again---a baby can't have too many people that love him.