[Mommy24]

I have been thinking about this alot lately, wondered what you all think? Is it a good idea or not, could it cause an expectant mom to feel "obligated" to place?

Lets discuss

[SchmennaLeigh]

In my opinion, no. I believe, having experience in placement, that it creates a sense of obligation to place. That's also why I'm torn about potential families paying living expenses or medical expenses... but I'm torn there. On this subject, I'm a strong, absolute no.

[Leigh131313]

VERY STRONG NO




It is really setting everyone up for a TON of heartache. And YES the coercive part is HUGE.....can you imagine how obligated you would feel? definitely no.

[Mommy24]

Just for the record I strongly agree that it is a huge mistake!! Definitely not BIG HUGE NO!!!!

However, I have heard some aparents on the boards that have had expectant mom live with them, so I really would love to hear from them as to their experience and how they feel.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Another absolute no... to the point that I think the judge should not grant a placement if this happens. I think it is THAT inappropriate.

[firstparentblog]

Nope, it isn't a good idea in my opinion, it just sets up an atmosphere of coercion.

[bromanchik]

I am a big fat NO too. I think it sets up a lot of feelings of obligation and expectation on the adopting parents part. Also there is the matter of what happens after the baby is born. In most of the situations I know of the birthmom is left to fend for herself and the adoptive parents go home with the baby. I knowin one case the birthmom was forced to go to a homeless shelter.

I think it is much better if permanent housing is worked on during the pregnancy. That way if the mother decides to parent she has someplace to go. I am also against parents moving to the state of the adopting parents to have the baby.

[Montraviatommyg]

Definite No from me as well for the above reasons.

Pip

[numbr1dbcksfan]

OK someone voted yes... and of course that is allowed... but why vote something like that, then not post about it.

Please share. What could the reasoning behind that be?

[vera19]

I will 100th that "big fat NO"!

Im confused though..have there actually been birthmoms that have lived with the aparents before the birth?

[Mommy24]

Yes Vera there have been, I would really like to hear from them as to what they have to say. I second what numbr1 says if you vote it would be nice to hear why you feel the way you do....this wasnt started to judge , I truly want to know what your feelings are and why?!


Thanks

[karaleah]

No, for the same reason that I don't think paparents should ever pay for living expenses. Not only does it create an atmosphere of obligation, the issues (family problems, poverty, abuse, etc.) that bring an expectant mom to the point of needing a place to live or needing financial help during pregnancy will likely continue after the baby's birth. And where does that leave her? I feel this way even when the e-mom's troubles are temporary (ie not being able to work due to pregnancy). Placing a child for adoption and needing help with rent or buying maternity clothes should be two separate issues.

I think a more practical and ethical solution is to provide expectant moms with information about programs like food stamps, housing assistance, medi-care, WIC, etc. and let her choose to take advantage of those programs or not.

IMO, by helping her to be self-sufficient during her pregnancy, maybe by the time the baby is born she can choose adoption (or not) from a position of relative strength.

Shari

[RiverGal]

How many ways can I say NO???
No!
non!
nein!
não!

I agree with everyone who has posted. It is just not appropriate, IMO. Also agree that paying living expenses is too coercive.

Curiosity is killing me. Two people voted "YES"...I'd be very interested in hearing their theories.

~Deb

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by karaleah

I think a more practical and ethical solution is to provide expectant moms with information about programs like food stamps, housing assistance, medi-care, WIC, etc. and let her choose to take advantage of those programs or not.

IMO, by helping her to be self-sufficient during her pregnancy, maybe by the time the baby is born she can choose adoption (or not) from a position of relative strength.

Shari

Again, I don't agree with housing of expectant parents by potential adoptive parents but there are situations in which an expectant parent cannot take advantage of these things. The system is not flawless. We must keep that in mind before setting wide sweeping "rules."

[stinky_kitty]

Another NO here too!