[mom2justynsarah]

I will tell you a secret. I am a tiny bit jealous of my daughter's bmom. But I will never tell her. It's a longing for something that I could never change.

Sound crazy? I LOVE my daughter with all my heart & soul. But I did not, could not, will never ever know what it was like to carry her in my womb. I wish I did. But that blessing was bestowed upon her bmother.

I could give her a wonderful abundant life. But somebody else gave life to her. She is mine. Yes she is not mine. I am her mother. Yet she also has another mother. She is growing up with me. But she will always have her bmother within her.

Her birthmother may feel envious because her baby is growing up with me. But unbenownst to her, she has never left her baby's side.

God bless all birthmothers & adoptive mothers! We share a common unity. Our love is forever bound to a child we both share in body & spirit. May we always respect one another & care for eachother's welfare.

Julie

[Happy123]

I sometimes feel the same way. I want to have given birth to them, have them grow inside of me. I want that connection to them that their B. mother has. I realize though that they would not be who they are had they been biologically mine.

Happy123

[Mommy24]

Julie Your post brings tears to my eyes, because I know that is sooo true of many moms. I as a Birthmom have your jealous feelings also, just as you stated you could not carry her in your womb but could provide her an abundant life, I was able to give life yet at that time unable to fulfilll his life with all he deserved, so the feelings are mutual and I just wanted to thank you for putting your heart and your feelings out there for everyone to see!

[StorkWatcher]

Thank you for your confession. I feel sad not because I could not carry my son, but mostly now because I don't know if we or he will ever be able to hear from his birthmother how she felt when carrying him.

I heard the most precious thing on an adoption made for TV movie shortly after our son was born, and it made me cry. The child was in an open adoption and was introducing his birthmom. His father was asking him and why is she so special to him and vice versa? And the child said it was because he was the only person in the world who knew the sound of her heart made when he was living inside of her.

I want to be able to tell my son the story of the 9 months and 2 days leading up to the day he became our son. I am so sad that I wasn't there with him for more of that time (we weren't chosen until the baby was born, so we weren't lucky enough to meet with the birthmom.) I want to be able to tell him what the first hours of his life were like in the hospital, but we didn't go there or talk to any nurses or doctors. All we have are the brief medical papers with names whited out and on the past page of one of those is a photocopy of a picture of him in his nursery bassinet and a footprint. I will cherish these!

[eastendmommy]

Thank you, Julie. Thank you for putting into words what you needed to say. I, as a birthmother, I needed to hear those words come from an Amom, too.

I have felt great pangs of jealousy towards my son's Amom... as you stated, she got to raise him and give him all of her love and attention, I did not. So it is a two-way street on those emotions, hon!

Even though we've never met, my son's Amom and I share the common bond of our love for Jason. Hugs, Tammi

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by Mommy24

Julie Your post brings tears to my eyes, because I know that is sooo true of many moms. I as a Birthmom have your jealous feelings also, just as you stated you could not carry her in your womb but could provide her an abundant life, I was able to give life yet at that time unable to fulfilll his life with all he deserved, so the feelings are mutual and I just wanted to thank you for putting your heart and your feelings out there for everyone to see!

Thanks Michelle

[bmomliz16]

Thank you Julie.

[mom2GRLC]

I feel the same way... =0) glad to hear others feel that way to.

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by eastendmommy

Thank you, Julie. Thank you for putting into words what you needed to say. I, as a birthmother, I needed to hear those words come from an Amom, too.

I have felt great pangs of jealousy towards my son's Amom... as you stated, she got to raise him and give him all of her love and attention, I did not. So it is a two-way street on those emotions, hon!

Even though we've never met, my son's Amom and I share the common bond of our love for Jason. Hugs, Tammi

Tammi,

Thank you I just want birthmoms to know that you have NEVER left your child. Your essence is forever imprinted & entwined in him.

When I look at my daughter, I see MY daughter. But I also see her bmom. Aside from looking just like her, a part of her IS her. So she can never COMPLETELY belong to me. I know that sounds a bit selfish. Sorry.

I guess since I have a bio son, I KNOW both sides of the coin. I gave birth to my son. I see myself (and my husband) within him. He is a seperate person. Yet he is me. My essence is a part of him.

I can love my daughter with all of my might. I can teach her right & wrong. I can lead her towards a wonderful future. I can provide her with love, security and stability. I can do all of these things. But I can't live within her. Her bmother already does.

[mom2GRLC]

I think more than the bio factor(pregnancy/physical traits) is the .....feelings of jealousy that you can never be the only mother your child will want or need. The birthmom will always exist and will always be very special to the child and to us. That jealousy is what stems the fear of.....will my child abandon me for her other mother who gave her life.

I think Jealousy and fear go hand in hand!!!

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by mom2GRLC

I think more than the bio factor(pregnancy/physical traits) is the .....feelings of jealousy that you can never be the only mother your child will want or need. The birthmom will always exist and will always be very special to the child and to us. That jealousy is what stems the fear of.....will my child abandon me for her other mother who gave her life.

I think Jealousy and fear go hand in hand!!!

I agree with almost everything you wrote. However, I have the utmost confidence in myself as a mother. I have NO fear whatsover that my daughter will abandon me for her bmother.

I WANT my daughter to know her bmom. I WANT her to establish/form a relationship with her (if that's what she wants as an adult).

We are already incredibly bond to one another. I have been by my daughter's side since she was 12 hours old. She IS my daughter. I AM her mother.

The envy factor has to do with the things I have already posted. So please, let's not turn this into the adoptive mother VS bmother discussion. That's NOT what this is about.

Thanks,
Julie

[mom2GRLC]

sorry didn't mean to question your confidence as your childs mother. Only sharing my same envy....yet also how that envy is connected to some of my own fears. Maybe I'm not as confident as you. Actually I certinaly am not and that's ok. Didn't mean to side track your thread....I thought it was connected..but maybe not...sorry!!!

Back to your thread...

Every time I look at my daughter i am reminded of her birthmother....how could I not...it's like a minnie version of her. But that is actually what made me fall in love with her so much as a baby. I saw her bmom's picture and said..."wow...i bet this is what you will look like as a young adult....I instantly fell in love with her for all her beautiful features and when I finally did get a chance to meet her bmother their was this instant love for her....she was the mother to my precious baby. I could sense so much love she had for my little girl and now everytime I look in my daughters eyes I see her birthmom...I see the love she has engrained in her every feature and I express that to her all the time...and truly want her to know how beauitiful she is and where her looks come from and how much her bmom really loves her and always will.

Of course I envy that a little..her having that connection. But....I love my daughter the way she is.....she is my daughter. I also will forever love the woman who gave her life. Who created such a beautiful little person and who imprinted her image or love in every ounce of her!!!!

[mom2justynsarah]

Every time I look at my daughter i am reminded of her birthmother....how could I not...it's like a minnie version of her. But that is actually what made me fall in love with her so much as a baby. I saw her bmom's picture and said..."wow...i bet this is what you will look like as a young adult....I instantly fell in love with her for all her beautiful features and when I finally did get a chance to meet her bmother their was this instant love for her....she was the mother to my precious baby. I could sense so much love she had for my little girl and now everytime I look in my daughters eyes I see her birthmom...I see the love she has engrained in her every feature and I express that to her all the time...and truly want her to know how beauitiful she is and where her looks come from and how much her bmom really loves her and always will.

Of course I envy that a little..her having that connection. But....I love my daughter the way she is.....she is my daughter. I also will forever love the woman who gave her life. Who created such a beautiful little person and who imprinted her image or love in every ounce of her!!!![/quote]

Beautiful words! I got chills reading it. Yes, when I look into my daughter's eyes, I am mesmerized by her beautiful blue eyes. My brown eyes meet with her blue. These are the same blue eyes her bmother has. I am swept up in love. My beautiful little blue eyed girl.

[IYAOYASMarineWife]

Julie,

Thank you for the beautiful, bittersweet confession. I know that must have taken a lot out of you. It brought tears to my eyes.

It doesn't seem possible that almost a year ago I was giving birth to OUR baby. Ted and Nathalie were there with me, Ted watched him being delivered and Nat held my hand. When it came time to cut the cord, Nat was there. She was so cute. Too afraid to hurt the baby, she almost couldn't choke back the tears...

I just want to thank you for being a MOTHER, whether an "A" mom or a "B" mom, you are still a MOTHER! I want to thank you for being there when another momma reached out. You did a spectacular thing for her as she did for you! You both get BIG kudos from this Mom and BMom!

God Bless,
Tiffany

Mom to Spencer-19May2001
Mom to Cammie Jo-24March2003
FirstMom to JohnPatrick-25May2005

"From God's arms...to my arms...to yours!" I love you Ted and Nathalie!!!"

[mom2justynsarah]

Originally Posted by IYAOYASMarineWife

Julie,

Thank you for the beautiful, bittersweet confession. I know that must have taken a lot out of you. It brought tears to my eyes.

It doesn't seem possible that almost a year ago I was giving birth to OUR baby. Ted and Nathalie were there with me, Ted watched him being delivered and Nat held my hand. When it came time to cut the cord, Nat was there. She was so cute. Too afraid to hurt the baby, she almost couldn't choke back the tears...

I just want to thank you for being a MOTHER, whether an "A" mom or a "B" mom, you are still a MOTHER! I want to thank you for being there when another momma reached out. You did a spectacular thing for her as she did for you! You both get BIG kudos from this Mom and BMom!

God Bless,
Tiffany

Mom to Spencer-19May2001
Mom to Cammie Jo-24March2003
FirstMom to JohnPatrick-25May2005

"From God's arms...to my arms...to yours!" I love you Ted and Nathalie!!!"

Thank you Tiffany...now who is giving who tears? I LOVED your post..beautiful!