[Mommy24]

How far do you think adoption has come in the eyes of Society? What are the myths that you would like to see put to rest?

[SchmennaLeigh]

Not far enough.

Myth #1: Birthparents are scary, whores, drug addicted, etc.

Myth #2: Adoptive parents are baby stealers.

Myth #3: Open adoption is confusing for the child.

Myth #4: Adoption is a second rate way to form a family.

Myth #5: A Mother who researches adoption and decides to parent is "bad" and has "broken a promise to the family."

Yeah. Let's dispell those. And maybe I could be less grouchy.

[Poleczech]

Adoption has come a long way since the days of forceably placing a child for adoption, as well as totally closed adoption, but not far enough.

As far as myths I'd like to see dispelled:

#1 -- Birthmothers are going to stalk the adoptive parents and steal their baby back

#2-- Birthmothers are drug addicts, and not good mothers.

#3 -- That birthmothers don't love the children they place.

#4 -- That adoption is a second rate way to form a family (I am echoing this one).

#5 -- That adoption is easy for anyone.

[Montraviatommyg]

You don't want to get me started on this one , (British) society hasn't changed much at all in the past 50 years. The only main differences was that once women in the UK were often put in institutions simply because they were unwed mothers and their child adopted.

Pip

[BestLight]

You guys covered the bases well.

I would add that in adoption, there ARE such things as win-win situations for both a-families and b-families.

I know this from personal experience (our bmoms will tell you the same), and I hope in a decade or two to report that our children also consider themselves winners.

But the caveat is that both a-families and b-families must come to the table willingly and with as much information as possible about their pending adoption. No coercing, no withholding.

[FauxClaud]

Oh...

1) There ARE still forced and cohersed adoptions even in this day and age.

2) The children that are placed for infant adoptions are being saved from being taken away from their mothers anyhow because she couldn't pull it off and CPS is waiting.

3)That one can walk away from ones child and really be OK.... with counselling... usually...

[happygmom]

Originally Posted by FauxClaud

Oh...

1) There ARE still forced and cohersed adoptions even in this day and age.

Yup - A poll of birthmothers on this forum says that nearly 68% felt coersion from various sources.

My list -

1- All women who experience an unplanned pregnancy were not using birth control responsibly, therefore should not expect help from anyone.

2- Unplanned = unwanted = future juvenile deliquent.

3- Potential birth families are poor stupid people who do not have feelings like the rest of us so they "change their tune", "act on a whim", and "arbitrarily change their minds" about the future of their children, especially if they decide to parent. In that case, God help the poor doomed child.

4- Being young and/or poor means that you have nothing to offer a child, and his well-being depends on finding an adoptive family who can buy him every piece of crap on earth AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

5- Open adoption won't hurt because you get to "take charge and decide who will parent your child". (Yea right. Sell it to someone else.)

6- Birth parents who want contact with their children are overly demanding, putting an unreasonable burden on the adoptive family, and confusing the child.

Sigh - Monday is around the corner. I guess I am crabby too.

Happy G'Ma

[mom2justynsarah]

Here are some myths I hear as an adoptive mom.

1. Bmom's are not moms. (Oh really?!)
2. Bmom's can get their baby back anytime they want. All they have to do is go to court and say they changed their mind.

I have an open adoption with my daughter's bmom. You don't know how many times I hear people say this to me:

"Why do you remain in contact with her?" "Aren't you scared that Sarah's birthmom could come and take her baby back one day?"

Grrrrrrrrrrr....Um, NO!

3. Amoms are glorified babysitters (EXCUSE ME?!)

[scarlet52698]

I agree with what everyone else posted. Very little has changed IMO.

I don't want to be uncivil so I'll just leave it at that

[merrill1277]

[quote=FauxClaud]Oh...

The children that are placed for infant adoptions are being saved from being taken away from their mothers anyhow because she couldn't pull it off and CPS is waiting.

QUOTE]

Good one, I second it...

merrill

[crick]

#1. Foster care adoption still has too many horror stories and if you adopt any child over the age of infancy, you are asking for trouble with "those" kids.

#2. The sainthood title given to both bmoms and amoms really has to go. Your a saint if you place or if you adopt because "I could never do that"...

#3. That any of us will fit into this set guideline of feelings, actions etc. I.E. EVERY bmom regrets placing, amom is infertile, and adoptee will suffer from primal wound.

[dkb60]

#1 If you search you are being disloyal to your adoptive family.

#2 You can't have a relationship to a birthfamily without being in some way disloyal to your adoptive family.

#3 My all time favorite....birthfamilies are in some way dysfunctional or "not your real" family.

[StorkWatcher]

I'll add another myth - adoptive moms are all teenagers.

People are AMAZED when I tell them that our agency works with an average age mother in mid 20's to early 30's.

Then when I say 80% are already parenting - it blows their minds!

And SO many people are unfamiliar with open and semi-open arrangements (including us when we started this whole process).

We try to educate people about the REAL world of adoption where many birthfamilies and adoptive families are the same.

I also want people to realize that growing/creating your family by adopting is no less than doing it by being the 2 parents who created and the one who gave birth to your child. We're still a family.

I LOVE ADOPTION!!!!!!! I thank God every day that we were able to do this and that He sent us our son through adoption. Gee, maybe I can make up T-shirts and bumper stickers! It could be my work-from-home business so I can be a stay-at-home adoptive mom.....

[merrill1277]

Originally Posted by FH-Mommy24

What are the myths that you would like to see put to rest?

That the birth mothers who (for whatever their reasons were), entrusted their child to another to parent, whether she was in her Teens, 20's, 30's, or 40's, is aware of all of the short and long term implications of what this will mean for her child, and for herself, as well as for the father, existing children/siblings, or future children. merrill

[FauxClaud]

Ohhh Merrill..that's a real GOOD one!!!