[happygmom]

Originally Posted by mom2justynsarah

3. Amoms are glorified babysitters (EXCUSE ME?!)

Huh? I have never heard this one before. Blows me away. Is this from friends and family or crazy people in the grocery store?

Happy G'Ma

[scarlet52698]

Amoms are glorified babysitters (EXCUSE ME?!)

Jeepers that is crazy!!!! I hadn't heard that one before either.

[Poleczech]

Glorified babysitter? I've heard that one too. Sad, but true. And it didn't necessarily come from crazy people at the grocery store either!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by merrill1277

That the birth mothers who (for whatever their reasons were), entrusted their child to another to parent, whether she was in her Teens, 20's, 30's, or 40's, is aware of all of the short and long term implications of what this will mean for her child, and for herself, as well as for the father, existing children/siblings, or future children. merrill

Oh. Very well worded.

Because I had no freaking clue.



One more I'd like to see go is that birthparents "deserve" the pain since they "chose" placement. Or that our pain is less because we "chose" placement. Or that we should have known. Or... it goes on.

Loss is loss is loss.

[mamabee]

Birthmoms have no feelings and no rights to feel anything towards their birthchild

Birthmoms who relinquish their babies are an embarrassement to society.

Adopt#$!--why would you want to adopt someone else's problems?

Adopt#$!--they will never love you and will probably kill you in your sleep.

Adopt#$!--aren't you scared?

Nope---nothing much has changed!

[proudmommyof 2]

"Adoptive parents buy their babies."


"Adoptive parents love their children less because they didn't go through the pain of childbirth for them." I would die for my babies.


"Internationally adoptive parents walk into an orphanage and pick their children."

[Mommy24]

Here is one I have heard:

That the children I went on to parent have mended that hole in my heart for my birthchild.

Somehow since I have had other children people think I should not still grieve the loss of the first child I gave birth to

[SchmennaLeigh]

Mmm, ditto. I've gotten the, "Well you have Nicholas now, that's good, right?" Nick is great. So is my birthdaughter.

[coco46]

As recently as last year, I heard this:

"Oh." (Upon hearing DH and I were paparents, before Bean obviously) "Well, that's great for you. I just wonder about those women. I could never give my baby away. I'd do whatever I had to to keep my baby."

Naturally, I didn't feel inclined to tell this person, an acquaintance at work, that I was also one of those women.

I felt hurt and sad and ashamed. Things I'd never felt before. I mean, I don't go around wearing a pin that says "ask me about my birthdaughter" or anything, but I'd always felt OK about it. Like if I wanted to tell, most everyone would at least try to understand. What a rude awakening. And then I was pretty mad, because why should I feel badly about being a birthmother? The person who should have felt bad was the person on the other end of the conversation.

Progress is being made. But we still have a long way.

[Lexie]

You should not adopt because you don't know what you're going to get---( Too offensive to comment)

That one cannot help but treat bio children differently from adopted children ( I have both and I grew up in a family with both---not true)

That you miss out on sharing traits with your adopted children ( My adopted son has my personality to a tee---everyone comments on it and I just love it)

[heartened]

#1 All adoptees are wanted, cherished and loved by the people who adopt them.

#2 All adoptees go to good homes.

#3 Adoptees are "lucky" to have been "chosen."

#4 Adoptees are always better off with adoptive parents.

#5 Only adoptees who are abused: a) grieve for their birth mother/family; b) feel like something is missing; c) are curious about where they came from; d) won't feel "complete" with their adoptive family; e) any number of assorted assertions that only abused adoptees feel anything BUT happy about being adopted.

#6 That loving an adopted child will always be enough to make them not be curious, not question, not feel as if they fit in, etc. - if they are still curious, questioning or feel as if they don't fit in - they obviously have some sort of mental problem.

#7 That it is ok to NOT tell a child they are adopted or that it is ok to not tell them "until they are older."

I could go on, but that's a good start.

[FauxClaud]

Oh..I just thought of another...

Explain to someone about losing my son to adoption, but that I have found him now and they say,"Oh that's so cool"
NOT.
"It's good now though right.becasue you found him and he is OK"

Yeah, it is good, but the now does not erase all the years that are forever gone. It just dosn;t make it all better..the loss never goes away no matter how great it is now. Those moments in time are forever belonging to someone elses memories...not mine.

[happygmom]

Thanks, Heartened, for sharing the most important point of view - the adopted child.

Happy G'Ma

[Montraviatommyg]

Originally Posted by mamabee

Birthmoms have no feelings and no rights to feel anything towards their birthchild

Birthmoms who relinquish their babies are an embarrassement to society.

That's us all over and of course we all forget our child , go on to have more and get on with our lives.

What about the reality check that we don't forget and not all of us are fortunate enough or choose not to have more children ?

Pip

[hello&goodbye]

Adoptees are just waiting for the day when they can find thier "real families"

Adoptive parents cannot love thier adoptive childd as muc has a "real" child

total bunk!