[ISAIAH'SMOMMY]

Hi Everyone,

I know that when you write a letter to your child's birthmother it should be from the heart but I had a few questions. I have been reading the birthparent forum for awhile and it has opened my eyes up to some of the things we say as adoptive parents that might not be appropriate.

My situtation is alittle different because my daughter was adopted from Guatemala. Her birthmother was involved in her adoption until the very end but we have had no contact with her. At the time when we went to pick up our daughter we had very short notice and I did not get a chance to write her a letter. In a few short weeks I will be traveling to Guatemala again. I would like to write the letter and give it to our attorney in hope that she will get it someday. I will never know if she will actually receive this letter but I feel I need to write it. I did the same for my son's birthmother and was told that she did receive it.

This is where I struggle. I have never been great at writing letters and I have a hard time putting my feelings on paper. I want to make sure that I tell her things that she would want to hear and for her to know her daughter is doing well.

Please tell me. Being a birthmother what would you like to be said to you in a letter from your child's adoptive parents? What things would you definitely not want to hear? In my opinion, "thank you" just isn't enough so how can we show how thankful we really are? Any thoughts on this would be great. Thanks for your help in advance. I look forward to hearing your responses.

Blessings,
Anne

[firstparentblog]

I would say just write from your heart. Tell her how much you love your daughter and how much you enjoy being her parent. Talk about the health and happiness of your child.

I'm sure it is a hard letter to write, so much you want to say and not knowing how to say it would be my problem.

[Southernroots]

I have some thoughts on what NOT to say first:

1. Do not thank her for her gift;
2. Do not tell her you know how hard it must have been for her to give up her child; (You can't know)
3. Do not tell her how brave she is (She may or may not feel brave or unselfish)

Tell her that:

1. You love this child dearly and will do all you can to take good care of it;
2. That you will make sure the child knows that she loves it to and wanted it (if that's true);
3. That you will send pictures and letters if you can (and do so);
4. That she will be in your thoughts.

[Jackiejdajda]

What I wanted to know about was his everyday life..
School.. his teachers.. Friends. Favourite toys etc.

Jackie

[angelsmom]

Southern Roots - RIGHT ON!

Additions: that you hope she can get to see how well your daughter is doing some day (if this is true).

that you will continue to write to her with updates (if this is true)

Identify your daughter by name, rather than as "your" daughter.

Seems you have the added difficulty that things may get lost in translation.

It is nice of you to do.

mostly she wants to know her child is thriving and adjusting to her new life.

[adoptionsearchblog2]

Ah, thanks, I like your additions a lot! I thought of mentioning seeing her some day, but, was in a hurry and couldn't think of the best way to say it - but you said it perfectly.

I like referring to her by her name too - and if the name is changed maybe explaining that too?

And yes, she'll want to know that her/their child is well and happy.

aka Southernroots