[melgrant]

Please forgive me if I'm doing anything wrong by posting over here. I'm adopting 3 siblings (ages 11 yo, 2 yo and 6 mos) from Guatemala, so I'm "visiting" here from the Guatemala forum. I'm also an adoptee, so I'm an admitted lurker over here, too.

I recently learned that the PBmom of the kids we are in process of adopting is open to meeting us, most likely on the trip we will make to bring the children to the US. This made me SO happy. My dream would be for the children to have close, positive relationships with ALL the people who love them.

Due to the realities of international adoption, however, I have to take into account that this may be the only chance we'll ever have to meet. She has no job, no permanent home, and making future contact may be very difficult. I want to make this meeting count.

If this were a US foster care adoption, there would probably be a social worker who could help guide this process, help the PBmom plan for what she wants me to know or what message she wants passed along to her children. In our situation, she'll get no assistance like that. Due to protections in place to make sure PA parents don't influence PB parents, I cannot contact her before we meet.

My idea would be to videotape our meeting (assuming, of course, that's all right with her). My thought is to answer any questions she might have, but also to ask her some questions and record it so that the children will be able to learn about their mom directly from her. I am hoping that the children will be able to learn from her directly that she loves them -- they won't just have to hear the usual "your mother must have loved you a lot....", and they will know that she made an adoption plan for them and they were not 'stolen' from her (sadly, this is a real worry for some international adoptees and a worry I don't want them to have).

What do you think? Do you have any suggestions of questions I should ask? I want to give her an opportunity to express whatever she'd like them to know, and I am afraid that no one will have prepared her for this and thus she won't have had time to think of what to say, and then later will wish someone had asked her some questions to help her get out whatever is in her heart.

Badly written post! sorry. It's hard to get out what I mean. I just feel like we are all going to be connected as a family, and I want to know how I can help her, and in doing so help the children as well.

Melissa

[echaos]

I think it's a great idea! As an adoptee, I would love to have something like that!

[BrandyHagz]

I agree with Andi - a GREAT Idea.

Something else you might think of, if its an option, is if she lives within traveling distance to Guate City or Antigua, opening and paying for a Post Office Box, so you can send letters, pictures and updates (and stamps) and ask her to do the same.

Or, you could ask your attorney to receive these items for her as the middle man – and send items for her as well.

I think the fact that you are open to contact for the benefit of the children is great – and if she is willing to have it, that’s even better!

I wish you TONS of luck! What an amazing opportunity and one that doesn’t present itself to international adoptions all that often!

[tobeafamily]

Melissa,

I think that's great. I'd also offer her an opportunity to privately record a message while you're there to each of her children or to them in general. Set the camera up with a tripod, start it rolling, then leave her and it alone. Promise her that you'll never view it on your own and that you'll keep it and give it to the children for them to have.

Regina