[mom2justynsarah]

Hi,

I would like to send my daughter's birthmom a card and or small gift for mother's day. It will be the very first mother's day for both of us since the adoption (my daughter is only 4 months old). She was pregnant with my daughter last year.

My husband says I should NOT send anything (not even a card). He says that this will just cement in her mind that SHE is Sarah's mother. Well, let's face it- she IS biologically speaking~ I know we will forever be connected because of Sarah.

My intentions are to simply acknowledge her (as I would with ALL mothers) on this special day. I certainly don't want to cause her any pain or anguish in any way.

She also has three other children (who are Sarah's full blooded siblings). I would feel funney about NOT doing anything. Would a phone call be best?

Ok- would/do you or would/do you not want to hear from your children's aparent's on this day?

Thanks,
Julie

[VKH]

Julie,

My opinion....? ABSOLUTELY send her a card.

I will be devastated if I don't receive a card this Mother's Day. This will be my first one along with my bson's mom's first. My bson is about 4 1/2 months old now.

While your dh may have everyone's best interest at heart, trust me, we don't need a card to tell us that we are our bchildren's mothers. That just is and always will be a fact. (NOT to take away from amothers)

Your sending a card will show that you truly care about Sarah's bmom. Bless you for that. She'll appreciate it!!

V.-bmom to J.

[Free_to_be_me]

I agree. It can be really painful being a birthmother on days like Mother's Day and even more painful to not get any recognition at all. As you said, she will always be Sarah's biological mother. Nothing can ever change that. A mother's day card could say we recognize and appreciate that you are a mother (or birthmother) and we care about you and you are important to us and to Sarah.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Sending her a card will not make her think, "OH! I'm the MOM! YAY!" She will be forever grateful for the simple recognition of the fact that without her choices, your daughter wouldn't be alive. A simple card and gift aren't going to make her needy/etc.

I cherish my Mother's Day cards with all of my being but do not place my role above that of Munchkin's (A)Mom. Never.

Explain to your husband that if he doesn't "get it" now, he will someday when your daughter thanks you (both) for acknowledging (and respecting) her Birthmother's role.

[mom2justynsarah]

Thank you all very much for your advice. I will definetly be sending "D" at the very least a card.

The ironic part about my husband's response is that HE is an adoptee. Unfortunately, he is one of those adoptees that had an abusive adoptive mother and a majorly wimpy adoptive father. He also has siblings (theirs biologically). But they are a product of their envioronment.

We haven't spoken to his family in over 10 years. In fact, they have never met my six year old son and certainly not my new baby daughter. What a bunch of losers! (SIGH) But that is a whole different story in itself.

Anyway- I am off to find a lovely mother's day card. As far as a gift goes- any suggestions? I have already given "D" a necklace with three hearts after she gave birth to Sarah.

The 3 hearts symbolize the three of us (me, her and Sarah) The hearts happen to be linked together. I thought that was a perfect way to express my love and gratitude for her choosing me to be Sarah's mommy.

By the way- I am fairly new to this board. I want to say thank you birthmoms for all that you are and all that you do. I appreciate the advice given.

THANKS!
Julie

[michellemartin]

I'm glad you've decided to send the card. Recognition is nice .

Jenna said it best. I silently bow down to her post since there is no way I can say it better.

[Montraviatommyg]

I'm glad too that you've decided to send a card, my bson was adopted through a closed adoption but always cherished the one letter I received from his mum. Something so simple can make a birth mother feel much better about herself.

Philippa

[Taryn]

I agree too that it's okay to send the bmom something. My ason is almost 9 months so this will be my first Mother's Day as well as his bmom's first Mother's Day. My husband and I are sending her a nice framed portrait of my son, a wood carved angel holding a heart that's titled "Angel of the Heart" and then a stuffed frog (she collects frogs) that's holding a rose specifically to her from our son. We are also sending his bgreatgrandma a cd and a wallet picture and his bgrandma a windchime and a wallet picture. We have an open adoption and it is absolutely wonderful. In fact, we are going to visit the bmom and her whole family to celebrate the 4th of July with them! I think it's completely fine to send your bmom at least a card, of not a little something extra. She will love it and know that you really do acknowledge her.

[mom2justynsarah]

Hi,

This is the card I got for "D". On the outside of the card, it says "Happy Mother's Day" It has flowers all around the frame of the card. Here's what it said:

Front Message:A Wish for You on Mother's Day "Like colorful flowers, kind thoughts brighten our days."Inside Message:Especially today, may your heart have many reasons to be joyful.


Then I had it personalized with something to the effect that "Words can't express just how grateful we are for your selfless act of love." "Your an extrodinary woman, birthmom and mom." Love, Julie, Mark, Justin & Sarah

Please tell me what you think? I was originally going to get her a birthmother's day card. But I was drawn to this one. I hope she likes it and knows just how much we care.

xoxo
Julie

[Montraviatommyg]

Julie,

You have been very sensitive about this issue and it was a lovely idea to get a 'Mother's Day' card. It will be nice for once for her not to be referred to as a birth mother even though she is.

Philippa

[ourdreamcametru]

I am also an adoptive mother celebrating my first Mother's Day with our daughter who will be one the end of the month. We also have two biological boys so I knew I had to send birthmother something to celebrate her first mothers day. Since she is a teenager I was not sure what to send and we send gifts to her often on holidays and pictures all the time form our whole family so I send her a really cute blank card in which I put our daughters hand and foot print and signed it from our daughter only and then added a really cute snapshot taken with some spring flowers.
Good luck!

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by mom2justynsarah

Please tell me what you think? I was originally going to get her a birthmother's day card. But I was drawn to this one. I hope she likes it and knows just how much we care.

What I think? Well, it made me cry (in a good way) so that's a good indicator that you hit the nail on the head.

Good job!

[mom2justynsarah]

Awww..thanks Jenna! That makes me feel good. I do appreciate you responding to my posts. You sound like an extrodinary woman yourself! (HUGS!!!) God bless you and I hope your mother's day is as kind & loving to you (and all other birthmama's) as you seem to be on these boards.

Hugs,
Julie

[skinnylou]

Hi from a older bmom! I think you ladies are doing something wonderful. The thoughts and sentiments and your effort to do something special ....words illude me.

Thank You for being such warm and caring people!

[mom2justynsarah]

Hi,

I wanted to let you know that I had a wonderful 20 minute phone call with Sarah's birthmom this morning. She had actually called ME to wish me a happy mother's day.

She mentioned that she she loved the card I sent to her. But most importantly she wanted to let me know what a great family we are. She said that her entire family (kids, mother, siblings, cousins etc) feels that they couldn't have picked a greater family for Sarah, then us.

It was quite heartwarming. She did say that although they miss Sarah and love her like crazy, there was absolutely no way they could take care of her. So this whole situation was meant to be.

It was wonderful to hear from "D" how happy she feels about her choice to relinqhish her baby girl to us. As more & more time goes by, she will continue to heal emotionally. But at least she knows that Sarah will be and is absolutely loved, adored, cherished and most importantly very happy & healthy.

As a mom who suffered through infertility and asked WHY ME? The answer lies within a birthmom's loving choice to relinquish her baby to me. Now I completely understand all the pain and suffering I went through. I wouldn't have Sarah...and I would suffer a million times more, knowing in the end, a beautiful baby girl needed me to be her mommy.

May god bless all birthmom's for choosing an adoption plan instead of abortion. I know Sarah's birthmom made my dreams come true.

xoxoxo
Julie & baby Sarah