[Jennifer C]

I gave my baby girl up for adoption 23 years ago. It tore me up and broke my heart. My heart is still broken. I wondered for years, decades where she was how she was, how wrong it was for us to be apart. I had no choices. Her adoptive parents were given a precious gift from God and from me. I have met my baby girl just a few months ago. The reunion was short lived. I believe her adoptive mother was instrumental in this. I cannot describe the pain of losing her again. I want adoptive parents to know that we do not wish to replace you. How could we possibly. Remember that we may have had parents who forced us under the circumstances to send our angel your way. We want to enrich our childs life with whatever time we have left. I relinquished my right to be her mother years ago. I did not give up my right to be part of her life forever.

[SoulWhisper]

Jen,

Take heart, your daughter is young still. She may come around after she herself becomes a mother and begins to understand your heart a little better.

I have seen this happen so often. It is bewildering but there is such a pull from the adoptive family sometimes that adoptees just aren't able to see that they belong in both families until an actual extension of themselves is in the picture.

I sympathize with you, so much...

Love

[allabouthorses]

Don't lose heart. As SoulWhisper said, your daughter may feel differently later. She will be feeling all kinds of things right now, and her adoptive mother may be trying to protect her, as well as being nervous about her relationship with you.

I hope that you are able to reestablish contact with your daughter, and wish you the best of luck.

[Juscuz]

Jennifer how painful this must be for you again. I am also a bmom and relinquished 23 yrs ago (tomorrow is his bday), he did find me and we've been in reunion since last month, so it's still new. I wonder about that all the time. Although he says his parents are very supportive in this reunion, and he's calling me *mom* - though my heart soars at that, and the feeling I get on how much we are *alike* it's scary, that in the same breathe, I wonder how his amom is taking all this. I have not talked to her but he assures me that his family is very supportive in this reunion.

How far is too far - over the line? I want to be part of my sons life, I want him to be part of the family. But yet, at the same time, I know I don't have the *right* to become his *mother*, that is reserved for her, and I give her the greatest honor for raising such a fine young man.

I think if I were in your situation, I would do the search again for her directly esp since she's of age. If all else fails, I would go through the amom.

My heart goes out to you, she must be torn between many emotions, as we have been as well. Be patient in this journey. Love is unconditional. I pray for you my friend.

[AMom2Two]

Originally posted by Jennifer C
I want adoptive parents to know that we do not wish to replace you. How could we possibly. Remember that we may have had parents who forced us under the circumstances to send our angel your way. We want to enrich our childs life with whatever time we have left. I relinquished my right to be her mother years ago. I did not give up my right to be part of her life forever.

Jennifer, I am sorry that this has happened to you. The adoptions of long ago leave a bad taste in my mouth. It is a shame the way some of them have been handled.

I wanted you to know that I feel similiar to you in ways. I want to enrich my child's life, not take away from it. I do not now or will I ever have a desire to take the place of her birthmom. She is entitled to a relationship with her child, if she chooses. I am in an completely open adoption with visits from both birth parents. I can never replace my daughter's bmom. She has her own special part of my daughters heart. I believe, it is my responsibility to raise her to be a caring and compassionate young women. How can we do that, if we can't begin with compassion for the very woman who created her. I believe when my daughters bmom placed her, she gave up her right to be her parent, but not her Mother. She will always have 2 Mothers. The very best thing we "the Mothers" can do for our child is to come together and support her as she continues to grow in life. There are things that only her bmom can answer for her. There are also some things that only I can provide the answers for. I feel we are both important in her life and we both created her. She is the product of two Mothers Love.

I hope and pray that your childs other Mother comes around and if she doesn't, I hope that your child will find the strength to search and know you. You sound like a caring person. I am so glad I was not a part of the adoptions of yesteryear and I am so sorry for your pain. Hugs to you....