[ballet_slippers]

I found my son more than a year ago, he is still a minor so we are not in reunion. He has requested I dont contact him. I had hoped that his parents would want comunication with me but at this time they state that he doesnt want them to converse with me. I have a bit of information on him enough that I am disturbed that they are not taking his medical history to heart. I am bi-polar, it runs in my family, he is exibiting signs of this but they are adiment that it is not. I fear that they want so bad for my son to be their son in all aspects that they are ignoring the reality of this condition. I know the warning signs and he has them all. I am terrified that if he does have this condition it could go untreated and he will be lost to me forever. Through my own teenage years I went undiagnosed, while I did make it through it was not good, I was continually in and out of the hospital as I tried to end my life. While I know that I cannot butt in on the raising of my son, I feel that I cannot sit by watching this progress in him. It is frustrating that his parents will not see that he does indeed have a different biological makeup than him. Do I have right to demand they get him tested for this? I understand that something like this everyone would rather ignore but if being diagnosed would save his life would that not be better?
Please in need of advice

[sspete]

Ballet slippers--I can only imagine how helpless you must feel!! You really cannot force them to do any testing, but you are a very wise bmom to bring this to their attention. If they are indeed in denial they are doing their child NO favors. Let's hope that they make a good decision to have him tested so that he can get the proper treatment he needs.

If he wants no communication it is probably because he is still to young to handle it. I would write the aparents a detailed letter explaining your situation when you were a teen. Give them the signs and symptoms that you had. Inform them to PLEASE watch for these things, as getting treatment could save his life!!!

S Pete

[sweetnoodle]

I think that was good advice, about the detailed letter. It might be heart wrenching to write for you, but if they saw a reflection of their situation in your letter, at least it might give them pause.

Don't be too quick to diagnose your son from afar though. Lots of teenagers and people with other psychiatric illnesses can exhibit some of the same symptoms of bi-polar disorder.

Does he go to public school? I would think if he had some highly manifested symptoms, school teachers/administrators may have addressed them? Nevertheless, I see in your case, your situation was never addressed properly, and that happens, unfortunately.

I would tread very carefully here. The future is what matters, and you will never be able to help if you alienate the parents or your son. I know it must be frustrating!!

Sincerely,

[ballet_slippers]

I have written a detailed letter, they said that he was brilliant and had lots of friends so it was impossible for him to have this condition, he is living in the same town as many of my friends and family and they do say he is exibiting the same signs as I did when I was a teenager, this is why my warning bells are ringing. I hate the fact that I cannot do anything but sit on the side lines with this. My frustration is that his parents are not listening I feel as if I am going behind their backs anyway, I have asked my family members to keep an eye out for him. His parents dont want to believe that he is not genetically theirs and I feel very unwilling to listen to me. Perhaps they think I am making this all up because I want to see him but that his the farthest from the truth, I dont like it that he doesnt want to see me but I am dealing with that. It hurts my heart to know that his genetic history is not wanted.

[sweetnoodle]

Well, personally, I don't see anything wrong with other friends and family watching out for him. Everyone should be so lucky. Don't feel bad that you asked others to keep an eye out.

Are you sure the adoptive parents are in denial about him being adopted, or are they possibly more in denial about a possible psychiatric illness?

Sincerely,

[SusanD60]

I know how it can be dealing with someone that is bi polar. My husband is bi polar. I found out the hard way. He never told me before we were married, and when our daughter was born, she was premature. and very sick. Then his father found out he had cancer. This started a episode. My normally very calm, quiet, loving, kind husband was a total maniac. I have done a lot of research to learn more about this. Your sons a-parents are foolish for not listening and not taking this seriously. As an adopted person, I would be so grateful if my birth mother cared enough and tried so hard to protect me. I admire you for trying I hope no one will be upset with me for reading these posts, but I am trying to learn more of what birth mothers think. I am trying to understand why my birth mother hasn't made any attempt to locate me. I sent in my medical information to the Illinois public health in hopes that she also had sent in hers. This way we could exchange information. And maybe also meet. Sorry for going off the subject. But as I said, these parents shouldn't take this so lightly. Susan