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  #16  
Old 05-06-2003, 08:28 PM
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Cleopatrick Cleopatrick is offline
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Oh cripe, I hope you didn't think I was angry. I know what you are talking about, a felony conviction, and as I said, I can see how that would concern someone placing a child for adoption. Honestly, if it was me I wouldn't place my child with someone with a felony conviction if I knew about it. I only told hubby's story so I could tell you what he had to do with explaining the misdemeanor. Sorry if I offended you.
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  #17  
Old 05-07-2003, 01:23 AM
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DWI

I agree with wannabeparents with the drunk driving conviction, anywhere in the past.Yes a DWI conviction would totally turn me off, the streaking would get a howl out of me, thanks for sharing that one Peggy, I cant really much about that when I have my near 11 year old streaking about the house now can I. Yes minor charges should be no biggy,
about the homestudy, as far as I know us firstmothers are not recipient of that, unless you file for adoption records under FOIA.
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  #18  
Old 05-07-2003, 04:08 AM
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I fully agree that potential adoptive parents should be held accountable for their past wrongs, and that they be made known to the birth mothers so that they can make informed decisions about who is adopting their child.

That being said, I wish that bio-parents could be held to the same standards. A lot of children could be protected then.
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  #19  
Old 05-07-2003, 04:53 PM
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echaos, I agree with what you said...the thought had already occurred to me and I was just waiting for someone to bring it up. The fact is that bio-parents often do lose their children when they commit felonies, and sometimes they lose their children even when they don't commit a felony, or any other crime at all. But you're right...not ALL bio-parents who commit serious crimes have their children removed from their homes. I guess it isn't possible because there are simply too many parents with criminal records, and if the State stepped in and took all their children away, they would have no place to put them (the children). It is my understanding that the foster care system is already overburdened as it is. And there's simply not enough money in the state or federal budget to support all those children. It's not fair, but society can only do what is possible. It can't do what is impossible. It is not possible to remove the children of every bio-parent who commits serious crimes. But it is possible to screen adoptive parents for serious criminal records, and that is the point of the thread. Believe me, I'm well aware that society is far from perfect and many children are growing up in substandard conditions. I hope I don't come off as a hypocrite, because I know that abuse also occurs in biological families, and I'd never deny that. Sincerely, Sharon
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  #20  
Old 05-08-2003, 05:00 AM
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Oh I know... . just wishfull thinking that we could all live in a perfect world.


But then if we did, there wouldn't be felonies!
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  #21  
Old 06-09-2003, 01:25 PM
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Hello, to all of you,
I would like to put my two cents worth in.
I am a mother and a bio-mom, who put her son up for adoption in 1985. Lots of hopes, fears and regrets there.
But, on the felony charges, a leopard can not change his spots, but can hide them, at least for a short while, but to spot a child molester or abuser, there are certain things to look for and people that can teach you those things, even under close scrutiny, someone who knows what he/she is doing can still spot one of the undesirable people. My advice to mothers who are considering putting a child up for adoption is to go get some informative movies on child molesters/abusers and watch them carefully, they will give you a squeemish stomach and possibly a bad dream or two, but knowlege is POWER. And without that information, it is impossible to make a wise choice, I, Personally can spot a person like that a mile away, having been abused myself, by more than one person.You either get stronger, or buckle under.Crumble. REMEMBER THIS for every child molester registered there are thousands out there who are not, only 2% of them are ever caught, and brought up on charges.
I know that was a bit windy, and I hope I did not offend anyone.
No, felons should not adopt.And too many children are pulled out of homes they should not be. As parents we already walk on egg shells, trying to be the perfect parents that others expect us to be.Usually the ones with the loudest opinions do not have children, or have'nt got teenagers yet. If you find the perfect parent that never makes a mistake of any kind, be sure to let me know, because I want to be just like them.lol
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  #22  
Old 06-09-2003, 04:49 PM
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Re: Adoptive Parents With Criminal Records

Quote:
Originally posted by Sharon Murphy
Do you think that convicted criminals should be allowed to adopt?


I think it needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis and would depend on the crime.

If sainthood was required to conceive a child or to adopt a child, there would be no families today.

Perki
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  #23  
Old 06-10-2003, 09:39 PM
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Both signs of the Coin

My husband and I have just adopted our long anticipated baby girl. We live in Michigan, went through an extensive and thorough homestudy.

When our daughter was born last Monday, the birth mother went into labor so quickly, she was not able to go to the hospital she had received her prenatal care from, she had to go to the hospital closest to her house. As a result, since this hospital did not have her prenatal records, they ran a drug screen on her.

She tested postive for both cocaine and amphetemines. This is the third child she has placed for adoption and the second time she has tested positive for drug use at the time of birth.

We had absolutely NO KNOWLEDGE of this until that time. In fact, she had to be convinced to sign a release of information for us to find this out, which she clearly did not want to do.

To say this was a betrayal is pale. We have talked to her at least twice a week since our match with her. The agency we dealt with, she apparently chose not to share this information with as well. She apparently has had some "issues" with the law as well, which we also did not know until that point. As the agency did not.

Thankfully, the baby is fine, the exposure was late in the pregnancy and hopefully there will be no long term effects. But this sword cuts both ways. Why were we not told that she had tested positive previously after giving birth? Yet I had to explain in detail the fact that I have 7 points on my driving record. This doesn't seem quite fair to me. The agency basically said, she lied. Not much we can do. (By the way, she did NOT use this agency for her previous placements.) Don't get me wrong, I don't blame the agency at all. After all, all this background was run on US, not her. They believed everything she told them with no proof offered. That's the way it works.

The adoptive parents have to expose every sin under the sun, yet the birthmother can test postive for drugs in a previous placement but that's okay and the adoptive parents don't have to know? Nor does she legally have to reveal that? She didn't have to disclose that to us, yet I had to explain that I used to race Formula Vee and yes, I sometimes drive fast and I've been caught. I have never contested a ticket and I certainly do not drive like that with a child in the car.

Now, which is more endangering to a child? A birthmother doing drugs while pregnant and hiding it, or an adoptive parent speeding while driving without a child in the car?

Obviously, issues such as domestic abuse are a totally different bale of hay, but I think adoptive parents deserve to know as much as possible of the birthmother's history, including criminal record as well. We deserve to make an informed choice, too.

As far as criminal records for stupid stuff that is done when you are young, such as the husband arguing with a cop when he was 18....how much bearing does that have on someone as an adult? I would imagine he learned his lesson over and over.

Our birthmother is NOT young. She is 33. This is the third child she has placed. Social services will be visiting her AGAIN since she has 4 children living with her. Again, I stress....we knew NONE of this before.

Would this have affected our decision? I can't say now, since I didn't have that information when we made the decision. Is this a disappointment? Heck yes. It also explains a lot of things, such as the missing receipts for grocery money we sent to the agency, the large deposit we paid so her phone would be turned on with no supporting documentation from the phone company. I could go on.

I am not trying to start a flame war. I am trying to point out that this works both ways. If birthmothers deserve to know that adoptive parents have done things that are criminal in nature, so too should adoptive parents know that birthmothers have as well.

No one is perfect. But to put adoptive parents under such a microscope and make them explain every trangression they have ever had is hardly fair when birthparents can do the same and have no obligation to disclose any of that certainly is not fair. It doesn't give adoptive parents the full story on where their child is coming from, yet we are expected to provide a full and documented history of where the child is going to.

Only my opinion of the other side of that coin.
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  #24  
Old 06-11-2003, 04:33 PM
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Bravo!

Lisa,

Your post was right on the money and completely full of truth. I agree that it does not seem fair that our lives are put under a miscroscope, yet anyone with a reproductive system that works can become pregnant. There is more scrutiny involved with getting a driver's license. Heck, even voting requires some paperwork, accountability and responsibility.

I am very sorry that you had to deal with the issues you dealt with surrounding the birth of your daughter. I do hope all continues to be healthy.
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  #25  
Old 06-11-2003, 05:21 PM
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Question re: Lisa & Perkioman

To me, it seems more imperative that the parents who will be RAISING the child be thoroughly investigated, rather than the parents who will be giving up all rights to the child at birth. The issue is the safety of the child, not what the adult members of the triad feel is "fair". In both of your posts, I get the feeling that you advocate LESS background investigation for people attempting to adopt. To me, this is really frightening. I'd like to believe that everyone involved in adoption would put the best interest of the child above their own personal concerns. ~ Sharon

Last edited by Sharon : 06-11-2003 at 10:38 PM.
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  #26  
Old 06-11-2003, 09:06 PM
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Sharon

As I usually agree with your posts, I must say I see your point here, but at the same time you said "the issue is the safety of the child" Doing drugs during pregnancy is not in the safety of the child and the aparents who are adopting these children then become the ones responsible for the problems that it brings! So I do agree that bmom's should also have to reveal the things they are doing that could affect the child and the new parents!

With respect......
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  #27  
Old 06-11-2003, 10:02 PM
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Sharon, I was thinking the exact same thing when I was reading the posts. It's the person that will be raising the child that they need to make sure is not a convicted abuser or molester. I do feel that the bmom had a moral obligation to tell the aparents that she had been doing drugs. There is no way, however, to force them to tell. The ONLY reason I think that the bmom should tell this is so that the aparents will be ready for any future problems that may come about due to the drug use. Not so aparents can turn down the not so perfect child since, to me, all children are perfect.

I have never had a problem with getting a home study done, I've had four now. Yeah, it disrupts our life and makes things difficult for awhile, but I know we will pass since I know we don't have anything bad in our past. (Just the jail thing, but we covered that here already, lol). The way I see it is, if a homestudy stops just one person from adopting that would have abused their child then it's worth it for me to be put out for awhile. Can you imagine the poor child that knows that they were abused by someone who CHOSE them, not had them by chance. Same goes with foster care, which is my first home study that was done. The last thing an abused child needs is to be taken from the abusive home and put into another one. So, yes, take my life apart and make sure I'm alright, and use the same methods to stop people who AREN'T alright from destroying someone's life.
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  #28  
Old 06-12-2003, 05:05 AM
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don't judge get facts

hi
i have read many of the post on this page.
i was taught to judge a person for who they are.
not what they have or bye what they have done.
3 years ago i met a man and married him he has a felony conviction for assult on a minor. before you judge him you should know the facts and know him he is the most loving daddy to my two girls i could ever ask for!
my ex- husband was a good man till he became an alcvholic and manic depressive i hid it from friends and family till i and my children could no longertake it, when i et my husband now married for three years i was hesitant when i found out about his record luckily i had a friend who was a police chief in arkansas he told me that my husband then boy friend was a really good guy and his record was not fair
his question to me was what would you do if you walked in on your spouse in bed with someone else ?
you see his ex-wife was sleeping with a 15 year old that did not look 15 unfortunatly my husband got in trouble ver hitting the man (boy) she was sleeping with while nothing happened to her for sleeping with a minor
you see my point is give everyone a chance find out the facts i thank god every day for my husband i have been happier the last 3 years than i was for 13 with my ex
god gave my daughters the most wonderful daddy he could and he has adopted them i would love to adopt a child with him since i can no longer have any more but unfortunatly the record is there and that is all people see
till we can all see a person and find facts it's not fair to judge everyone yes i will say there are exceptions child abuse sexual abuse but would still want to see the facts please know i am not judging people for being careful i was my children are my life but give people a chance before you push them aside because of a record
sincerely
mrs cortney allen
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  #29  
Old 06-12-2003, 07:10 AM
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Cortney, I am very sorry about your situation. "Getting the facts" is exactly what I am advocating. However, in many cases the "facts" about adoptive parents' criminal histories are not available to prospective birthmothers. This is what I believe needs to change. Many birthmothers are young/ single/ low income at the time of placement, and are led to believe that because of this, an adoptive family would be better able to parent their child and provide their child with a good life. Birthmothers need to be AWARE of the facts so that they can make an informed decision. If the facts are that the adoptive parent has been convicted of violent felonies, the potential birthmother needs to know this. If there is a good explanation behind it, she needs to be aware of that, too. People say, "Don't judge", but in fact it is a birthmother's right and RESPONSIBILITY to judge... she must judge whether her child will be better off with her, or with an adoptive family. Then she must judge which adoptive family will be best for her child. In order for her to make a responsible decision for her child, all the facts must be made available. ~Sharon
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  #30  
Old 06-12-2003, 07:51 AM
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sharon i agree

thank you for writing back
i agree that all info should be available i also feel that many women are not able to get all info and are told many lies if we can call it that my mother gave up my sister in 1965 when many things were different i wish for the sake of all people all info would be available
i know it is a very hard decision and every woman should have the right of info i wish there were a way the actual parents and perspective parents could actually know each other before a decision was made i think things would be better off.
thank you again for latting me voice my opion and i pray for all that someday this will be an easier situation for every one involed
sincerely cortney
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