[m-mom]

Hi,
just wondering about the relationship any of you have with your birth siblings and how you feel about them.

We have an open adoption and my b-son is 10, an only child, and i'm 7 1/2 months pregnant. On my last visit he asked me if he would still be an only child, and then told me he thinks he still is and she isn't his sister. I just assumed they would consider themselves brother and sister that don't live together. Maybe he needs time to process it and actually meet her. I don't want to be pushy. I wasn't sure how to answer him or respond. Any input?

[BlackSheep]

Yes, I do and am lucky enough that they consider me a sibling, also.

I am an adoptee that searched and found both bmom and bdad. While I grew up with 3 sibs (all adoptees) I found 3 sibs with bmom and 4 with bdad! When I met bdad and his other children in March, my younger brother told me that I wasn't his 1/2 sister, but I WAS his sister.

Give him time. I am 46 years old and just meeting sibs. He is 10 and that concept hasn't been grasped yet, IMO. I wouldn't push, just let him be him, it will come.

[quantum]

My birthson is 24 and my daughters I'm raising are 6 and 4. He's been more than thrilled to have sisters!

He also grew up in a household with an older (adopted) brother, so wasn't an only child ever.

I would think that as he gets older, it would be easier for him to process and more fun!

[Dickons]

Of course they are my siblings...I have known about three of them for 30 years and the other two for a couple of years...someday perhaps, if I am lucky, I will be able to meet them.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[Amandak249]

I have 8 birthsiblings, and so far I haven't considered any of them my siblings. I've known them for 10 years. I haven't met all of them- in fact I've only met 2.


They were raised very differently. I have a nice relationship with my older sister, who is almost 30, but we are always on two different wavelengths, so to speak. She is my half sister.

My other sister, who is my full sister and who is 16 years old, wants nothing to do with me, and is wildly jealous of me and my relationship with my birthparents (her parents.) We do not speak.


If I meet the others, and we "click", then maybe I could consider them a sibling. But we weren't raised together and I don't consider them my siblings anymore than I consider my birth-mother and birth-father's parent's grandma and grandpa, etc.

My sibling relationships were ruined because of some poor parenting choices- the siblings were never taught to see me as a sister and not as a stranger who is infiltrating their family.

I am not the norm- so don't worry. My birthsiblings are not emotionally healthy individuals, and so I doubt any sort of familial relationship with them is possible.


As long as ALL of your children, placed or raised, are secure with their place in your life, their shouldn't be any issues. You are also in an open adoption. Mine was closed for most of my life.

Good luck

[manni28]

No.

I have two birthsiblings on my bmom's side ( her children with her husband) and I have one on my bdad's side. But when people ask me how many siblings I have, I unintentionally say one-my asister the one I was raised with.

I guess it's because my bsiblings and I were raised by two different sets of parents, in different homes and at different times. With my asister ( who is my aparents bio child) we were both raise together, with the same parents and under the same roof. Again I don't intentionally do it, but I really don't think of my bsiblings as siblings when people ask me how many sibling I have.

We have a relationship but it's more like distant cousins.

-Manni

[blessedbybug]

Originally Posted by m-mom

Hi,
just wondering about the relationship any of you have with your birth siblings and how you feel about them.

We have an open adoption and my b-son is 10, an only child, and i'm 7 1/2 months pregnant. On my last visit he asked me if he would still be an only child, and then told me he thinks he still is and she isn't his sister. I just assumed they would consider themselves brother and sister that don't live together. Maybe he needs time to process it and actually meet her. I don't want to be pushy. I wasn't sure how to answer him or respond. Any input?

I am an amom and both my kids (age 5 and 3) have siblings in other homes (with birth family or other adoptive family). We talk of them as brothers and sisters all the time. They have each other and live together as a family in our home, and then they have siblings that live in other homes with other parents. That is how we talk about it. They may not know them that well yet, but they still exist and we won't deny their existence.

In fact, this weekend, DD's sister and her mom (not DD's birth mom) are coming to visit us for the whole weekend. We can't wait.

[dpen6]

Yes and no.

That about sums up everything does't it...they are my 1/2 sibs...that is a fact. We came from the same mother. I have one that I have sporadic contact with, because our lives are very different. There is no "problem" . We also don't have the experiance of growing up as siblings. The other one has no contact with me. I would love to get to know him better but he is not intersted, which is ok by me. So bioloigically yes we are sibs, but emotionally no. The ones that I love and exasparate me are the ones I grew up with.

i don't know about sibs on bfather side