[Aliayh]

So I've been upset most the night and its all because I want someone to love me. I want my bmommy =/ I know there are people in my life that care about me very much it just doesnt feel like it will ever be the same as my real mom. I am 17 years old and have been through it all. My bparents were together got divorced(I still got to see my real dad), I moved w/ my mom and my little brother to my gmas got put in to foster care and all before age 10. At ten I got adopted even though I cried about it and was angry at everyone including god for this turn out. I currently live with my biobrother in a home I dont care for. I just really miss my mommy and have so many questions. Also I happened to stumble upon this site in all my crying and sadness. Some advice or comments??

[vegaschristina]

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. It seems as if you've been thru a lot in your 17 years. I would suggest counciling to help work thru some of it and to help you become more at ease with what you've experienced.

[Aliayh]

Originally Posted by vegaschristina

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. It seems as if you've been thru a lot in your 17 years. I would suggest counciling to help work thru some of it and to help you become more at ease with what you've experienced.

I've gone to counseling and have worked through it. I am at ease with what I've experienced I just missed my mom last night.

[Denise1969]

Aliahy, I can totally relate to your life story. I too was moved around a lot. My biological parents weren't married when I was conceived. Actually, it was a very brief relationship and when he found out that my mother was pregnant, he left. I too was placed in foster care at a young age (6 years old) due to my mother suffering from a mental illness that left her unable to care for me.

I was placed in a temporary placement home and was then sent to live with a foster family. I lived with my foster family for a short period of time and then was moved out of state to live with my uncle (my birth moms brother) and his wife. The living situation was not ideal (my aunt had already raised 5 children of her own, not to mention she was unaware that I was even coming to live with them!) By age 7, my first cousin (my uncles son) and his wife took me into their home and became my legal guardians and eventually adopted me when I was 15. Whew, kind of confusing, huh.

I too was angry/confused and acted out because of it. All of these people were making decisions for me and I had absolutely no say in any of this. I remember asking myself "why me, what did I do to deserve all of this." I know my adoptive parents loved me but I felt different. I just wanted to be like everyone else (especially my peers) which often left me feeling lonely and misunderstood.

I want you to know that you are not alone. I think that it is wonderful that you have found this site. By talking about your feelings, you are acknowledging the pain that you are experiencing. I wasn't able to do that at your age. I am proud of you!! I only really started to begin the healing process once I met my husband (someone I felt safe with sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings with).

Do you plan to search for your birth mother? My birth mother unfortunately passed away when I was 13 years old and I never really got a chance to know her. However, I did meet my biological father when I was 16. Although he and I no longer have a relationship, it filled a void that was missing inside of me.

Please keep posting. If you would like to speak privately, I believe that there's a way to email directly. I'm new to this forum also. ~ Denise

[Aliayh]

Im new too and actually saw your post about the tense relationship you have with your adoptive mother. Im in the same situation. But for whatever reason, although im at peace with my past the other night it hit me hard and quite unexpectingly.

I think I will search for my mom but I think I have to ask my foster mom what agency I was with because I'm not about to ask my adoptive mother. Also can someone help me with what information I need to find her??

[kakuehl]

Hi,
I think all of us have times when the need for mom hits (mine's been dead for 12 years and sometimes I just really need her.) Add to that the emotions of adoption. I think al of us have our ups and downs; yours is certainly a sad story and hard; I understand the anger! I'm glad you have mostly worked through it.

Do you know the hospital where you were born? I was able to find my son because we had both registered here. Because it was easy for me (when I finally looked), I'm not the best one to tell you what you need. I know in some states you can apply for "non-identifying" information. Hopefully, some one will have better help!